


Far Away.

by dimpled_halo



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Best Friends, Blow Jobs, Break Up, Drinking, Eventual Smut, Exes to Lovers, First Time, Flashbacks, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Jealous Harry, Jealous Louis, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Masturbation, Musician Harry, OT5 Friendship, Past Harry Styles/Original Male Character - Freeform, Pining, Post-Break Up, Premature Ejaculation, Rimming, Smut, Songwriting, Tattoos, Teacher Louis, Unresolved Tension, Young Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-08
Updated: 2017-05-08
Packaged: 2018-10-20 10:39:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 57,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10660872
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dimpled_halo/pseuds/dimpled_halo
Summary: Harry swallows hard, clearing his throat. “Hi Lou,” he says, looking at Louis reluctantly.  He’s even more gorgeous than he remembers, so much, he feels uneasy looking directly at him, he’s so beautiful.Louis looks at Harry, does a quick once-over and smiles, eyes so bright and blue—just how Harry remembers. “Harold!” He gets up out of his seat and embraces him into a warm hug.  It’s a friendly platonic hug; one that ends way too soon. Harry wishes it would last longer so that he can breathe Louis in and memorize his new but somehow still familiar scent. It instantly leaves his body aching for more.****Harry returns to London after five years.  Stuck in the past with "what ifs" and "what might have beens", he sees that his friends and ex (and possible love of his life) Louis have all moved on with their lives while he finds himself questioning his own life choices, past and present.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Oh man where to begin...This fic started over a year ago, and I'm so happy to finally have it here ready to share it with you all. I want to thank everyone that was ever involved with this fic, any person that ever looked at it, and gave me feedback, or even just heard me talk about it, thank you! Especially to [Lisa](http://a-writerwrites.tumblr.com/), [KK](http://waytoomanypeopleintheaddisonlee.tumblr.com/), [Vilja](http://hlficpraise.tumblr.com/) thanks for your help in getting this shaped up and into what it is.
> 
> Just a reminder that this is a work of fiction. This idea started while I was watching Season 5 of One Tree Hill, so some scenes are inspired by that, but I decided not to follow that full storyline completely for certain reasons. But anyway, everything else is from my imagination, so please bear with me. 
> 
> Last, but not least, I want to thank [accidentalziam](http://accidentalziam.tumblr.com/) for the lovely artwork.
> 
> [Here is the playlist](https://open.spotify.com/user/mrsjackylopez/playlist/4VFETFW67raqXCGXsKgQTH) with all of the songs featured throughout the fic.
> 
> Without further ado, I hope you enjoy this and I promise that the pain will be worth it! :)

 

 

**Present Day: Autumn 2016**

_The London air smells so familiar that Harry finds himself taking long deep breaths as he steps outside of the airport.  He spots his driver and waves him over, checking his phone to see if he’s gotten any calls or messages while he was on his flight.  No one knows he’s back, but he didn’t tell anyone, wanting it to be a surprise.  Harry can’t wait to see the look on Louis’ face when he sees him.  Louis has never been the biggest fan of surprises, but when they come from Harry it’s always an exception._

_The driver arrives at Louis’ flat, and that’s when Harry begins to feel the nerves emanating at the pit of his stomach.  He’s having second thoughts about keeping his return a secret from everyone.  Either way, it’s too late now.  He pays the driver and carries his bags with him up the flight of stairs.  Luckily for him, Louis only lives on the second floor.  Harry runs his fingers through his hair, and runs his hands down his chest to make sure he looks presentable._

_There’s no turning back now._

_He takes a deep breath and knocks on the wooden door three times.  His heart beats hard and rapid against his chest.  He can hear faint footsteps approaching and can see the doorknob turning before the door opens.  Louis looks more beautiful than he’d remembered from the last time he saw him.  His hair is in a soft fringe, he’s wearing a black hoodie and black adidas trackies and he’s barefoot.  His eyes are wide and they instantly crinkle at the sight of Harry._

_“Harry? Oh my god!”  Louis jumps into Harry’s arms and Harry immediately inhales him, his hair, his skin, his clothes._

_He smells like home._

_“What are you doing here, I didn’t think you’d be able to make it for graduation?”_

_They break apart to look at each other, and Harry smiles, “I quit my job.  I just left, I couldn’t be away from you any longer.  I just wanna be with you.  That’s all I want.”_

_Louis’ eyes fill with unshed tears, his bottom lip trembles and he looks away for a quick moment, before looking back at Harry.  “Really?”_

_Harry nods, “Yes baby, you’re the only one that matters to me.”_

_Louis surges forward to kiss Harry, his lips just as soft and sweet as he remembered.  There’s nowhere he’d rather be than in Louis’ arms..._

Harry is jolted awake as the airplane shakes from the turbulence and the orange seatbelt sign glows when it chimes, prompting the passengers to take a seat and fasten the straps against their laps.  

“We will be arriving at London Heathrow Airport in about twenty minutes.  Please turn off all electronics and straighten your seats to prepare for landing,” the pilot announces over the intercom.

Harry’s heart beats hard against his chest and he makes his hands into fists to stop them from trembling.  That dream felt so real, he sighs and closes his eyes, wishing he could resume where he’d left off.  

“Sir, do you have any rubbish you’d like to throw away?” An air hostess looks at him expectantly, where he is slumped in his seat.

“No thank you.” He smiles politely as she continues making her way down the aisle. Harry puts his headphones on and lets Queen’s [ _Bohemian Rhapsody_ ](https://open.spotify.com/track/7tFiyTwD0nx5a1eklYtX2J) fill his ears, he feels it’s appropriate for his current mood. He listens to Freddie Mercury blaring through his headphones, tilting his head back against the headrest. Out the window, he watches the glistening lights of nighttime London shining and sharpening the closer they come to landing. As the song picks up tempo, he feels himself relaxing and smiles to himself, not feeling like _such_ a failure—at least not at this moment. There’s not much that can make him feel like a failure as much as his time spent in the US.

“Welcome to London. It is currently half past nine and a cool fourteen degrees Celsius on this beautiful night. Thank you for flying with British Airways, and we hope to see you again,” the pilot calls out over the PA.

Harry stays seated a bit longer as the other passengers gather their belongings from the overhead bins and rush their way out of the cabin. He doesn’t blame them; after being on a plane for nearly eleven hours, he should be feeling the same urge, except he doesn’t move. He lets his Queen-induced memories of LA flash through his head a couple more times before he finally stands.

Harry makes his way out of the plane, thanking the hostesses and pilots as he passes through. Taking a deep breath, he walks briskly towards baggage claim, the confidence that he made the right decision coming back to London resting heavy in his bones.

He follows the signs directing him towards baggage claim, weaving through the crowds of people in a hurry to catch their flights. Harry can’t help but think of his family and how they have no idea he’s back home. He couldn’t bear the thought of telling them he had failed, so he’s staying in London with Niall until he eventually gathers the courage to visit his mother in Holmes Chapel without being crippled by shame and guilt.

Harry locates the escalators that will lead him to the baggage claim area and gets on, politely standing to the side to let impatient strangers pass.  The wait for baggage claim seems eternal, and again when he gets to customs, but once he’s done he can’t get out of there fast enough.  He heads over to Arrivals, almost tempted to run as fast as he can, but thinks better of it with the crowds and luggage he’s carrying.  As he waits on the escalator that leads to the Arrivals area, Harry sees a mass of people gathered there to welcome their friends and family, and amidst the sea of strangers, he catches sight of a mess of blond hair and bright blue eyes staring straight at him. Muttering hurried apologies, Harry brushes past the last few steps of the escalator, pace quickening as he nears his best friend.

“Niall!” he yelps as he launches himself into his friend’s arms.  He didn’t realize how much he’d missed his Irish friend until this moment — crushed in his friend’s embrace, smelling the familiar comfort of home.  

Niall, caught off guard, loses his balance, and both of them tumble to the floor. Harry, unconcerned about their current predicament, continues to hug and sloppily kiss his best friend on the cheek.

“Oi! Get off me, you big oaf!” Niall wails amusedly as he shoves Harry off him. “I missed you too, Harry, but damn—give a guy some warning next time,” he says as he gets off the floor, offering a hand to help Harry up. They dust their clothes off and Niall embraces Harry, this time gentle and close. “It’s good to see you mate,” he says as he kisses the top of his head.  

Harry smiles. “You too, Niall,” he murmurs into his shoulder.  

They hold each other for a few more minutes before Niall finally extracts himself and says, “Come on, let’s go home.”

They start making their way over to the parking garage, Harry’s arm still wrapped around Niall’s waist. It feels so good to be back. Niall is a little piece of home, and Harry wants to hold on to that for as long as possible; he hasn’t had a home for so long.  After they finally gather all of his things, they pack everything up in Niall’s car and make their way over to his flat.

It’s silent in the car until they get on the motorway, when Niall finally decides to break the silence that surrounds them. “So how does it feel being back so far?”

Harry, looking out the window and admiring the beautiful city lights, lets out a long sigh. “Dunno yet,” he says.  He turns to look at Niall, who isn’t looking at him, facing ahead. “Does he know I’m back?”  Harry asks, quiet, uncertain.

Niall continues to look at the road, expression unreadable. “No. I didn’t tell any of the lads you were coming back,” he says. “Figured you wanted to be the one to tell them you’re back for good and it’s up to you if you want to tell them what happened in LA.” He looks over at Harry then, his eyes cautious and wary.

Harry begins to grimace but catches himself and immediately schools his face into nonchalance.  He was secretly hoping Niall had told them so that he could avoid that conversation altogether. He understands where Niall is coming from, though; respects that he left Harry’s story for him to tell, and how do you tell a story like that, anyway? His shoulders tense just thinking about how that conversation is going to go.  He clears his throat to avoid the tightness building up. “No...yeah...I get it,” he says.

Harry turns on the radio, wanting to avoid any further conversation on the topic. Niall, bless his soul, gets it and they continue their drive through the city, Coldplay’s [_In My Place_](https://open.spotify.com/track/2aXZp30TocFnABRPF1Isrl) playing in the background as Harry rests his forehead on the window. Closing his eyes, he lets himself get lost in the music.

 

**_Summer 2011_ **

_Harry slowly awakens, blurry-eyed, his mouth dry, throat like sandpaper. He clears his throat, stretching out with a yawn. He looks down at Louis, dead asleep, his face nestled into Harry’s neck, his breath warm against his skin.  He wouldn’t have it any other way. He closes his eyes, trying to savor these last few hours with Louis before he heads back to London this evening._

_Louis spent the whole summer in LA with Harry to help him settle in, and it's been one of the best summers of his life. They spent their time exploring the city, familiarizing Harry with the public transportation system and helping Harry apply for jobs, since his internship was unpaid. He wraps his arms around his boyfriend and kisses his forehead, breathing in the sweet scent of his coconut shampoo. Harry needs to remind himself why he is doing this before he changes his mind and begs Louis to take him home with him.  Or worse — ask him to stay._

_He needs to see if he can make it in the music industry. He’d kill himself with unrelenting “what-ifs” if he didn't try.  He’s sure Louis wouldn’t let him come home until he's given LA a chance first anyway. Louis has been so supportive of Harry’s ambitions for as long as he can remember. He thinks about when they were sixteen and eighteen and they would spend time in Harry’s basement, Louis on the piano and Harry with his guitar, singing covers of some of their favorite songs. He even wrote a few songs himself, but he’s promised himself he wouldn’t show Louis until he was able to record them.  That's his ultimate goal after all, and he wants Louis by his side when it happens._

_Harry nuzzles his nose into Louis’ hair, trying his damn hardest not to be sad thinking about how he won’t get to see him for a few months (Louis has already booked his ticket to come back for Christmas and New Year’s, but still). Unwelcome tears begin to slide down his cheeks as he tries his best not to wake Louis_ — _he doesn’t need to see the mess he’s becoming at the moment. Of course that’s when Louis decides to wake up, feeling Harry’s hand caressing his back soothingly. “Love, what’s wrong?” he rasps as he looks up at Harry with worried eyes, still soft and sleep riddled._

_Louis wipes the tears from his face as Harry replies, “Nothing, love, sorry for waking you.” It’s silent for a while until Harry speaks again, his voice barely a whisper. “I was just thinking about how I’m gonna miss you, that’s all.”  Harry sniffles and wipes his eyes with the back of his hand. His other arm is still wrapped around the smaller boy, their legs tangled into a mess of limbs._

_“Oh, darling, come here.” Louis turns them around so that he is spooning Harry, arms around his torso, face nestled into Harry’s neck.  “There’s no need to be sad, babe. You are doing something great, you know? You’re following your dreams, and when you do that there are sacrifices that need to be made. I may not get to be with you every day, but it will all be worth it in the end. I’d give anything to make your dreams come true, love.” He punctuates the end of his sentence with a kiss to the back of Harry’s ear, cuddling into him._

_Harry takes a deep breath, and pushes himself closer into Louis’ embrace.  “I love you_ — _you know that, right?”_

_“Of course,” Louis says like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “I love you too, and that’s why no matter where we are, whether it be right next to each other, or a whole ocean apart, nothing is going to come between us. You’re amazing, Haz; soon the whole world is going to see that, I just know it.”  He tightens his arms around Harry, who feels comforted and so loved by Louis’ words.  They both drift off back to sleep, and the heavy silence drapes around them like a strangely comforting blanket._

 

*

 

Waking up in Niall’s flat the next day, Harry’s wide awake by four a.m., a combination of jetlag and nonstop dreams of Louis being the unwelcome causes of his lack of sleep. His body must know he’s closer to Louis, as he couldn’t shake off the nostalgia all night, even waking up in the middle of it with tear-stained cheeks after the dreams he had.  

He makes himself a cuppa and hangs out in the living room watching shit telly until it’s an appropriate time to begin cooking up some breakfast. He goes through the fridge and cupboards getting the ingredients he needs to make a fry up for Niall and himself.  He also mixes up some batter to make some pancakes, very much aware of Niall’s big appetite. As he’s cooking the sizzling bacon on the stovetop, Niall stumbles into the kitchen, hair in disarray and wearing nothing but pants.

“Good morning, Harry—what has you up and about at this ungodly hour?” he grumbles as he opens the cabinet to make himself some tea.

“It’s half past eight, Niall,” he chuckles as he flips some pancakes over on the griddle.

“It’s Saturday; I’m never up before noon on a Saturday, H,” he says jokingly. “We’re going to need to lay down some ground rules. Rule number one: Niall always sleeps ‘til noon on Saturdays.” He tries to give Harry a serious look but fails and it turns into a playful smile as he stirs his tea. Harry laughs, shaking his head in amusement at his best friend. He missed Niall; can’t even begin to describe how different it is to be back in London and with a roommate again, as opposed to spending his nights at a sad, lonely studio apartment in LA.

Harry packs each plate high with fried eggs, sausage, bacon, mushrooms, beans, potatoes, and toast.  Niall tucks into his food as soon as his plate hits the table. Harry looks at his friend fondly as he places the plate of pancakes on the table, also bringing a carton of orange juice and the warm teapot, along with more milk.

Niall lets out a satisfied moan. “God, Harry, this is delicious,” he mumbles with his mouth full of food, some of the crumbs falling out. “Will you marry me?” He flutters his eyelashes at Harry.

Harry throws his head back, laughing. “I’m flattered mate, but last I heard you’re still very much into girls.”  He pats him on the head.

Niall shrugs. “Who cares? If I get to eat food this good all the time, I might have to make an exception.” He winks at Harry as he piles some pancakes onto his plate and smothers them in syrup.

“You’ll just have to settle for me being your roommate, and I’ll cook for you whenever you want,” Harry replies, smiling, as he takes a bite out of his sausage.

Niall laughs. “Be careful what you wish for,” he jokes. “So, you got anything planned today?” he continues as he takes a sip of his tea.

“Not really; was just planning on unpacking my stuff and settling in. I’m having the rest of my stuff shipped over, so I’ll need to make room for when that arrives,” he says. “How about you?”

Niall stops his chewing and immediately moves his gaze away from Harry. “Um… actually, I was going to meet up with the lads at the pub tonight,” he says hesitantly, looking down at his plate.

Harry freezes—his chewing slows, his neck stiffens and his eyes widen.  “Oh.”

“Why don’t you come with me?” Niall offers after a long minute of silence, finally looking at Harry.

Harry’s eyes pinch together. “What? No, it’s okay—I don’t want to impose,” he says.  His throat feels too dry all of a sudden at the thought of _him_ , so he takes a big, hasty gulp of his juice.

Niall smiles sympathetically.  “Oh, come on, H; you wouldn’t be imposing. They’re your friends too, you know? Plus, what better way to tell them you’re back than to show ‘em, right?”  

“I’m not sure, Niall. I mean—I haven’t seen them in years, and what if they hate me for not telling them I was coming back?  And Louis... I haven’t talked to him in four years!  I don’t even want to think about what he’ll say…”  He trails off.

“Harry, we’ve known you for so many years—there’s no way they’ll hate you. I’m sure Louis doesn’t hate you either.  He’s doing really well, you know? They all are.”

“Thanks Niall, but I’m still not sure….Let me think about it, yeah?”  Harry asks, putting his hand on Niall’s forearm to reassure him.

“Yeah, okay.” Niall pauses thoughtfully. “Need help unpacking?” It’s an abrupt subject change, but a welcomed one, so Harry supposes he’ll take it any day.

That’s how they spend their morning and part of the afternoon. They unpack Harry’s clothes and put them in his wardrobe, Harry organizing them accordingly. He also sets up his shoes, separating his boots and trainers and organizing them by color. Louis used to always tease him and mess up the order, but Harry never complained and would happily reorganize everything again. They unpack his music and DVDs and set them up with the ones Niall already has set out in the living room. Niall also helps Harry rearrange his room—which used to be Niall’s old guest room—to give him more space for his own things.

By lunchtime, Harry has made them chicken salad sandwiches with apple slices and they sit and enjoy mindless shows, staring at the telly and relaxing after a hard day’s work. Niall flops down so that his head falls into Harry's lap. Harry sends up a silent prayer of thanks that his best friend's massive Irish head didn't hit anything vital. He smiles as Niall burrows in, making himself comfortable. Some things never change, Harry thinks to himself, as he lets the warmth of Niall's body and the tiredness in his bones drag him under.

Harry is shaken awake by Niall’s phone ringing. He reaches over to grab it and answers without looking to check who’s calling.

“‘Ello?” he croaks into the phone as he rubs the sleep from his eyes.

“This isn’t Niall...” The voice trails off on the other line.  And fuck—it’s Louis.

“Um, no, it’s not,” he responds, not really knowing what else to say. But honestly, what can he say when he’s left for five years and turned up again without notice?

“Harry?” Louis gasps on the receiver.

Harry’s heart stops. He hears Louis speaking but he isn’t listening, too shocked to compute anything.  At that moment, Niall finally wakes up.

“Who’s that?” he asks, looking up at Harry’s blank face.

Harry hands Niall the phone. “It’s for you,” he mumbles. His heart is beating out of his chest and he’s trying to take calming breaths.  He wasn’t ready for that.

“Hello?” Niall eyes widen as he bolts up from Harry’s lap. “Oh, hi Louis... um ...well...yeah, it’s Harry… No, he’s here for good… yeah… Look, it’s a long story, but we’ll talk about it later at the pub, okay?  Harry will be there too….yeah… Okay, okay… bye.” Niall hangs up and looks at Harry.  “Sorry about that, I guess he recognized you,” he says, a worried look on his face.

After finally managing to calm down, Harry clears his throat. “It’s okay, Ni.  I’m sorry. I didn’t even check to see who it was before I answered,” he reassures him, even though his insides are churning, knowing there’s no way he can get out of going to the pub now that Louis knows he’s in London.

“So I guess the cat’s out of the bag, huh?”

“Yeah, I guess so…” Harry rubs his palms against his warm cheeks and tries to ignore the way his heart aches.

They both take turns getting into the shower and get ready to leave for the pub. Harry’s insides won’t stop quivering as he tries to decide on what to wear. He hasn’t seen the boys in ages, and he wants to make a good impression, especially for Louis. He goes through his wardrobe, completely destroying the order he had made earlier today as he rummages through shirt after shirt, not being able to make up his mind.  He wants to look his best if Louis is going to be seeing him for the first time in four years, but no item of clothing he comes across seems good enough.

After almost an hour of deliberation, he finally decides on a cream colored button-down shirt that he leaves open at the top to show off his sparrow tattoos, black skinny jeans, and black Chelsea boots.  His hair is a lot longer now and he leaves it down and styles it a bit so that his curls are framing his face perfectly.  He rolls up his sleeves and pins them into place and sprays some aftershave onto his neck and wrists, wanting a subtle scent. He dabs a bit of tinted lip balm on his lips making them look less pale and more rosy and plump before he takes one last good look in the mirror, taking a deep breath, and hoping to God the evening goes well.

  
  
  
  
**_Spring 2008_ **

 

_“Ugh, Louis, I can’t decide what to wear!” Harry grumbles as he throws another shirt across the room._

_Louis walks over to where Harry is plopped down on the floor, clothes in disarray all throughout the room, shoes thrown along with them.  He leans down and reaches out to push a stray curl out of Harry’s eyes and kisses him on the forehead. “Why are you so worried about what to wear, love?”_

_Harry sighs heavily, running his hand through his hair and looks back at Louis. “Because this is a big deal for me, Lou,” he replies, the nervousness thick in his voice like honey._

_“Hazza, you’ve met my family before_ — _I’d hardly call having dinner with them a big deal,” he says, running his hand up and down Harry’s forearm trying to soothe him._

_Harry relaxes a bit. “I know, but this is the first time they will meet me as your actual boyfriend and that’s scary. I’ve never met a boyfriend’s parents before,” he admits._

_Louis smiles softly, lifting Harry’s chin and pulling him into a kiss. “They’re going to love you!  They do love you,” he clarifies, before adding on, proudly, “You’re my froggy prince,” Harry snorts._

_“Your_ what _?”_

_“My froggy prince,” he repeats._

_“And how on earth did you come up with that?”  Harry asks, eyebrows quirked in amusement._

_Louis takes Harry’s face between his hands, looking at him so fondly, “Well, you see, when you smile with your mouth closed, your dimples cave in so beautifully and it makes you look like a frog_ — _a very cute frog_ — _and when you kiss a frog they turn into a Prince, hence, a froggy prince,” he explains like it’s one of the most obvious things in the world._

_“I do not look like a frog!” Harry says in an accusatory tone, slapping him on the chest._

_“Oh, but darling, you’re not a frog anymore. I’ve kissed you and you’ve become my prince but you still have the features of a frog when you smile which is why you’re my froggy prince,” Louis says cheekily, and emphatically, kissing him on the forehead._

_Harry throws his head back in laughter, all nerves forgotten, and slaps Louis on the shoulder.  “Oh, bugger off and let me finish getting ready, you buffoon!”_

_Louis pulls Harry’s face into a kiss, biting onto his bottom lip and tasting the cherry lip balm he loves so much.  “Mmm... Okay baby, get ready; we have to leave in like 20 minutes.”_

_Harry gives him one last chaste kiss and goes about picking out an outfit for the evening. He looks at himself in the mirror, smiles with his mouth closed and bursts into laughter.  “Froggy prince…” he mutters, shaking his head,  as he finishes getting ready._

 

*

 

Niall and Harry decide to just walk to the pub since it’s only about ten minutes away, and the fresh air will do him good as he prepares to see his friends — and Louis — for the first time in years. The closer they get to the pub, the harder Harry can feel his heart beating against his chest.  His stomach is turning into knots and he wants nothing more than to run back to the flat and binge on junk food and hibernate there for the rest of his life.  He tries to take deep breaths to calm down, but it’s not really helping.

They arrive to the pub and before Niall reaches over to open the door he turns and puts his hand on Harry’s shoulder. “You good?” he asks.

Harry takes another deep breath. “Yeah, I’m good,” he lies.  He just wants to get this over with, and no amount of preparation or breathing exercises is going to brace him for the reality that he’s about to face.

They enter the pub and it's packed with people everywhere. After a few moments of looking through the crowds, they discover that the other lads haven’t arrived yet.  They manage to get a booth and order a round of pints while they wait for the rest of them to show up. Harry chugs his down within minutes, hoping the alcohol will calm his nerves. He doesn’t know what to expect but he hopes the liquid courage will help make things easier for him in case the guys are upset with him.  

“Stop worrying, Haz,” Niall interrupts his thoughts.

“‘M not worried,” he lies again.

Niall snorts, “Please.  You can’t fool me.  You’re all fidgety, drinking your pint as if it’s water and you just returned from the desert, _and_ your eyes keep flying towards the front door every time someone comes in.”

Harry sighs, “Okay fine, I might be a bit worried and nervous, alright?  It’s just….it’s been a long time.”

Niall puts his hand on top of Harry’s and squeezes it.  “I know it has, but trust me.  They’re gonna be so excited to see you,” his best friend reassures him.  Harry knows Niall only has the best intentions, and it does help calm him a little, but there’s still this feeling at the pit of his stomach.  Like acid burning through his insides, making him feel uneasy.  

However, he plasters a smile on his face and takes a big gulp of his pint, “Okay.”

Niall mirrors Harry’s smile, and suddenly his eyes shift to something behind Harry.  Harry doesn’t turn around, nervous about who’s caught Niall’s attention and hoping it isn’t Louis yet—he just needs a bit longer and perhaps more alcohol before seeing him.  

“Liam! Zayn!” Niall calls out, waving them over. Harry sighs, relieved, and turns his body towards them as they approach the booth.

“Harry!” they both cry in unison as they hurry over to them. Both Zayn and Liam sandwich Harry into a bear hug.

“Oh my God Harry!  I can’t believe you’re here!  Why didn’t you bloody tell us you were coming, you big twat!” Zayn smacks him upside the head. Both Liam and Zayn look very happy to see him, which makes Harry feel like some weight has been lifted off his shoulders.  

He laughs and yelps when Zayn hits him. “Ow! I’m sorry, I’m sorry! It was all very sudden,” he says weakly as he rubs his head where Zayn had smacked him.

“So how long are you here for?” Liam asks as they settle themselves into the booth.  

Harry’s cheeks flush in embarrassment, “Um, well I’m back for good,” he says, looking anywhere but his friends.  He doesn’t want to get into the details just yet, and he hopes his friends understand that.

“Well, I’m glad to have you here, mate. We’ve missed you so much,” Liam tells him, patting him on the shoulder, making Harry look at him and he’s smiling warmly.

Harry breathes in relief, putting his arm around Liam’s shoulders to give him an appreciative squeeze, “I’ve missed you guys too—you have no idea,” he tells them.

Liam and Zayn order a round for themselves as Harry finishes his second round. He excuses himself to go to the loo, wanting to splash his face with some water to try to prepare himself for Louis’ arrival. When he makes his way back to their group, Harry freezes.  Because Louis is there.  

[ _Happier- Ed Sheeran_ ](https://open.spotify.com/track/2RttW7RAu5nOAfq6YFvApB)

Louis is there, sitting with the lads, and he’s so fucking gorgeous.  His fringe is a bit longer than the last time he saw him, but it’s feathery and perfect.  He’s smiling all crinkly eyed and beautiful, no doubt bantering with Niall if the way the blonde smacks him playfully on the arm is any indication.  As Harry tries to mentally prepare himself to approach the booth, his stomach drops because—because there’s another guy with blonde hair sitting next to Louis.

He wonders if they’ve added another guy to their group since he’s been gone. Of course they would; they’ve always been welcoming to other people in the past, like Harry’s friend Ed who was easily welcomed into their group until he moved to New York. There was also Nick, who was part of their group for some time until he started getting serious with some bloke who was rather jealous of Nick’s friends, so he stopped hanging out with them. Harry wonders why Niall hasn’t brought up the new guy in any of the conversations they’ve had since he arrived.

Harry takes a deep breath and forces himself to finally walk over where everyone else is, feeling no need to make the suspense last any longer.  The lads are all laughing at something Louis said when Harry finally arrives.  Everyone turns to look at Harry, and he feels their burning gazes and his cheeks instantly heat up.  Harry swallows hard, clearing his throat. “Hi Lou,” he says, looking at Louis reluctantly.  He’s even more gorgeous than he remembers, so much, he feels uneasy looking directly at him, he’s so beautiful.

Louis looks at Harry, does a quick once-over and smiles, eyes so bright and blue—just how Harry remembers. “Harold!” He gets up out of his seat and embraces him into a warm hug.  It’s a friendly platonic hug; one that ends way too soon. Harry wishes it would last longer so that he can breathe Louis in and memorize his new but somehow still familiar scent. It instantly leaves his body aching for more.

“It’s good to see you, mate. How have you been?” Louis asks, voice warm and friendly, but distant, almost _too_ courteous.  It’s enough to shake Harry out of his thoughts.  

“I’ve been good, how about you?” Harry asks, nervously, as they both take a seat.  Harry fidgets a little and considers going up to order another pint.

“Not much, I’ve just been working, teaching, very exciting things.” He chuckles as he takes a sip out of his beer.

The blond man sitting next to Louis is smiling with his mouth closed, and Harry notices that he has a hand resting on Louis’ thigh. Okay... so _maybe_ he’s not just another friend of the group, he thinks. Harry feels his stomach turn over and thinks he might be sick.  The bloke clears his throat, which catches Louis’ attention and he puts his glass down. “Oh, sorry! Harry, this is Brad,” Louis says, looking at the man snuggled in close to him fondly, “my boyfriend.”

Harry’s throat tightens as Brad sticks his hand out to Harry. “Hey, Harry, nice to meet you. I’ve heard so much about you,” he says, grinning at him with bright teeth, a small dimple showing on his right cheek.  Harry notices that Brad has beautiful hazel eyes framed by long curly lashes, a strawberry-blonde fringe that sweeps to the side, and thin, pale lips.  Harry can’t help but wonder what kind of things Brad has heard about him.  Assuming they’re mostly from Louis, probably not the best things.  Harry’s heart aches at the thought.

Harry tries his best to remain composed as he takes Brad’s hand to shake it. “Nice to meet you too,” he says, trying not to sound disappointed—too heartbroken.

“Okay, I’m buying us a round of shots to celebrate the return of our prodigal son!”  Niall jokes, as he makes his way to the bar.  Harry appreciates his best friend’s interruption.

He stands up to join him, “I’ll help you.”

They walk towards the bar, and after Niall gets the barman’s attention and orders them all shots of whiskey, he turns to Harry.  “You okay?”

Harry doesn’t think he can lie to Niall anymore tonight when he’s already trying to put up a happy front in front of their other friends, he doesn’t deserve that.  Plus, Niall knows him better than anyone right now and will probably call him out on his bullshit.  Harry’s shoulders slump, “No Niall, I don’t think I am.  It’s just...it’s a lot.  I didn’t expect him to...why didn’t you tell me about Brad?”  Harry can’t help but ask.  He doesn’t want to sound accusing, but he would have liked a heads up so that he could mentally prepare himself.  It may seem naive of him, but he didn’t expect Louis to be with someone else, at least it was never something that crossed his mind.  

Niall wraps his arm around him, nuzzling into Harry’s hair, helping Harry relax a little, “I’m sorry Haz.  I was trying to protect you, I know things haven’t been easy for you.  If it gets to be too much, just say the word and we’ll be out of here, no questions asked okay?  I know I kind of just sprung this up on you, and I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable.”

Harry can’t help but smile at his best friend.  Somehow, Niall has the ability to make his uneasy feelings melt away, “Thanks Niall,” he kisses him on the cheek, “You’re the best, you know that?”

Niall winks, “Of course,” he turns back around to grab the tray of shots that is ready for them, before he moves he asks, “You ready?”

Harry sighs, “Yeah,” he nods before they rejoin their group of friends.

Niall places the tray on the table and makes everyone take a shot glass, and raises his own, “Here’s to new beginnings, Haz, I’m so glad to have you back mate, cheers!”  Everyone else raises their glass and echoes Niall.  Harry takes his own, catching Louis’ eye and then looking away quickly, swallowing the dark amber liquid and it burns going down his throat, but he welcomes it.  He chases it down with another gulp of his beer.

They continue on with their conversations, mostly revolving around Harry and what life was like for him in LA. They talk about pretty much anything except the big elephant in the room, which Harry is grateful for. He doesn’t want to talk about his failed life in LA in front of Louis and his hot boyfriend; doesn’t want to give him any more reasons to know he’s better off without Harry.

“Did you meet any famous people?” Niall inquires.

Harry smiles, his face feels warm and he’s pleasantly tipsy by this point, “I shared a lift with Lenny Kravitz one time.  I also got to meet Coldplay, but it was embarrassing because I’m pretty sure Chris Martin was trying to make the moves on me, and I had to politely decline him and tell him I had a boyfriend.”

Louis laughs, “Oh my god, I remember you telling me that,” he blurts out.  His face freezes as if realizing they were talking about a time when they were both together, and happy.  Luckily, Niall breaks the awkward silence with another question.

As the night winds down, they have all had quite a bit to drink, each enjoying their own buzz.  

“Alright, lads, it’s time for me to go,” Brad laments, “I’ve got an early day at work tomorrow.”  Brad shakes everyone’s hand, including Harry’s.  “It was nice to meet you Harry.”  Harry reluctantly takes Brad’s hand.  He doesn’t want to like him, wants to find any excuse to hate him, though he sort of already does for being Louis’ boyfriend, even though he has no right to.  Harry wonders if Brad’s kindness is genuine or if he’s just putting up a front for Louis’ sake.

“Let me walk you out,” Louis offers, and he accompanies Brad outside.  Harry takes another shot.

Brad is an actor and he performs in plays all throughout the UK, and has currently been rehearsing for the grand opening of _The Crucible_ coming up for the Christmas period.  Which — whatever. Harry is pretty drunk but he doesn’t really care. He doesn’t want to think about Louis and his perfect boyfriend Brad, who is a bloody actor and performs in bloody plays and is actually _successful_ , so he orders another shot. Or five.

“Good evening everyone!” There is a DJ announcing by the stage. “In just a few minutes we will be starting on some Karaoke, so if you want to sing something, come and sign up!”

Some people cheer and clap and others just continue on their conversations unbothered, but Harry finds himself stumbling up to the DJ booth. When he returns, the lads look at him expectantly, though Harry just shrugs and sits back down.

“You’re gonna sing, Haz?” Niall asks.

“Sure, why not?” he says as he orders another beer. He’s going to need more alcohol if he’s going to sing the song he chose.

When Louis returns, Liam speaks up, “Well, I’d like to make a toast,” he says as he raises his glass, the rest of the guys following his lead. “To the group being back together! Harry, we all missed you and we are glad that you’re back and we love you. Cheers!”  

They clink glasses and Harry takes a long sip. He can’t help but look over to Louis and notice that he looks distracted, deep in thought.  He finds himself wondering what Louis could be thinking.  Is he happy Harry’s back?  Harry is startled out of his thoughts by the DJ making an announcement.

“I’d like to call Harry Styles up to the stage, he’s going to start us off this evening,” the DJ announces. The guys clap and cheer Harry on as he makes his way up to the stage. Harry stumbles a little, nerves trying to get the best of him, but he takes a last swig of his beer and drops the glass on a nearby table.  He steps up to the stage as the DJ hands him a microphone.  Turning to face the crowd, he takes a deep breath.

“Hi, I’m Harry, and I’ll be singing [ Don’t Speak ](https://open.spotify.com/track/6JGQ98So2ik5GVI9ydQ2Yh) by No Doubt,” he announces as the opening chords to the song begin to play.

Harry closes his eyes and begins to sing:

_  
You and me_

_We used to be together_

_Everyday together always_

 

_I really feel_

_That I'm losing my best friend_

_I can't believe_

_This could be the end_

_It looks as though you're letting go_

_And if it's real_

_Well I don't want to know_

 

And ok, maybe it’s a little dramatic, but Harry’s had a few drinks and he needs to let out some of the turmoil he’s been feeling since he laid eyes on Louis earlier in the evening.  When Harry finally decides to open his eyes the first thing he sees is Louis staring right at him, hand gripping onto his glass so hard his knuckles look white in the dim light of the pub.  He looks tense, staring at Harry, his gaze unwavering. It gives Harry the motivation he needs to keep singing.

 

_Don't speak_

_I know just what you're saying_

_So please stop explaining_

_Don't tell me cause it hurts_

_Don't speak_

_I know what you're thinking_

_I don't need your reasons_

_Don't tell me cause it hurts_

 

Harry grasps onto his shirt, pulling it away from  his chest as he continues belting out:

 

_Our memories_

_Well, they can be inviting_

_But some are altogether_

_Mighty frightening_

_As we die, both you and I_

_With my head in my hands_

_I sit and cry_

 

By the time Harry reaches to the chorus again it seems that almost everyone in the room—except for Louis—is standing with their arms raised in the air swaying back and forth.  Louis just sits, exactly where Harry left him, staring at Harry with such intensity Harry feels it could burn a hole right through him.

 

_Don't speak_

_I know just what you're saying_

_So please stop explaining_

_Don't tell me cause it hurts (no, no, no)_

_Don't speak_

_I know what you're thinking_

_I don't need your reasons_

_Don't tell me cause it hurts_

 

At this point Harry’s throat hurts, he can feel the tears coming, but he’s holding them back. He can’t cry; not in front of everyone, not in front of Louis. Most _definitely_ not in front of Louis.  

 

_It's all ending_

_We gotta stop pretending who we are..._

 

Harry is in such a daze that at this point he looks right at Louis as he continues to sing the rest of the song.  He’s hoping that the pain he’s feeling at this moment is radiating off him and Louis could feel it.  He can’t fathom putting how he’s feeling into words, so the song will have to do.

 

_You and me I can see us dying...are we?_

 

As Harry finishes the chorus, a few tears manage to make their way down his cheeks, and as soon as he ends the song, crowd cheering, he quickly sweeps through the crowd and rushes out of the pub. The cold air is welcoming as he braces himself, hands on his knees as he pants, trying to catch his breath and stop the tears at the same time, but it isn’t an easy feat. He gulps fresh air into his lungs, as he runs a hand through his sweaty hair, which no doubt has gone flat by now. He hears the _swish_ of the pub door opening, but doesn’t bother to look.

“Why did you do it?” He hears Louis ask, voice on the verge of cracking.

Harry turns around to look at him; Louis looks pained, eyes red and cheeks flushed.  

“What?”

“Why did you come back?” he implores.

“Just missed London...” Harry mumbles as he wipes his eyes.  

“No, Harry, don’t give me that bullshit. Tell me why; what happened?” Louis scolds.

Harry looks at Louis for a moment, eyes pleading for an answer. Harry’s shoulders slump in defeat. “Um, I guess things just didn’t really work out for me in LA,” he says, looking down at his feet.  He doesn’t want to look Louis in the eye. Hell, he _can’t_. He doesn’t want to face the disappointment that’s written plainly on Louis’s face. “I wasn’t good enough.” He whispers, shrugging, while rubbing the sole of his boot against the damp pavement.

They are silent for a few moments, Harry still not daring to look at Louis, but he can’t take the silence anymore so he finally decides to speak up. “Brad is really nice,” he says, trying to change the subject as he finally decides to look at Louis. Louis’ eyebrows are furrowed and his lips are pursed into a thin line, but when he notices Harry looking at him he shakes his head and smiles.

“Thanks, he’s great,” he says, coughing lightly into his fist then sticking his hands into the pockets of his jeans. “About LA —you _are_ good enough, Harry, they just didn’t see what they had in front of them,” he says with sincerity, voice nearly a whisper, breaking Harry’s heart nearly in two.

“Thank you,” Harry croaks, fighting back tears and the urge to hurl himself into Louis’ arms and let himself be comforted like he always was in the past.  By Louis.  After a moment, he clears his throat, feeling it tighten again. “Look, can you tell the lads goodbye for me?  I’m just gonna head home; I think I should call it a night,” he says, pointing his thumb towards the pavement behind him.

“Yeah, sure. When will we get to see you again then?”

Harry notes that Louis says “we” and not “I”.  “I’m not sure. It’s not like I have a job or anything,” he says with enough bitterness that even he hears it in his voice.

“Well, I’m sure you’ll find something Harry, no need to fret about that.” Louis smiles up at him, that same familiar smile that he’s always given Harry.  When he knows Harry needs it most.

“Right, well, it was good seeing you, Lou.” Harry waves at Louis, desperate to get away before he starts crying again.  He turns around to make his way back to the flat.

“Harry, wait,” he hears Louis call out.  Harry turns around as Louis is walking towards him, coming to wrap his arms around him, his head burrowed into his neck. Harry’s hit with the overwhelming warmth of being wrapped in Louis’ arms, he squeezes his eyes shut and basks in the moment, inhaling him in, smelling a mixture of vanilla, cigarettes, and beer.  Harry wishes he could savor it forever.  “I really missed you, Hazza,” Louis whispers into his ear.  The warmth of Louis’ breath against his skin sends shivers down Harry’s spine.

Harry’s heart flutters at the sound of the nickname coming out of Louis’ lips. Before he can really wrap his mind around the fact that Louis is in his arms, let alone respond, Louis is already extracting himself and making his way back into the pub, leaving Harry staring after the boy he let go all those years ago. With a long sigh, Harry turns back around and starts walking back to the flat, trying not to think of the way Louis’ face felt so warm against his neck.

  


*

 

Louis makes his way back to the booth where all the lads are, worried looks waiting for him when he arrives.

“Everything alright?” Liam asks, concerned.

“Yeah. Harry said he was gonna call it a night and went back to the flat,” he informed them. The guys give each other anxious looks. “What?” he asks, half irritated, half curious.

They don’t say anything at first, then Zayn elbows Niall in the arm and so Niall grunts out, “Everything okay between you two? He seemed pretty emotional up there,” he says, nodding towards the stage where Harry had just let out his emotions in the form of song only moments ago.

“Oh... Yeah, he’s fine; just still kinda down about LA, I guess,” he tells them, trying to be nonchalant about the conversation he just had with Harry.  Liam and Zayn give him a confused look.

“What happened in LA?” Zayn asks.

“Um… well, things didn’t really work out for him over there, it seems,” Louis explains. Liam and Zayn both nod, letting the subject drop. Louis is relieved because he's not sure how to explain it. Any of it. Because he's just as confused as the rest of them.

They quickly change the subject, and eventually decide to call it a night. Louis is still feeling a little tipsy, and definitely a lot confused, so he hails a cab back home. Stumbling into his flat, he tries his best to be quiet but fails. Brad grumbles and shifts in his sleep as Louis walks into the bedroom, bumping into the end table while he’s trying to get on the bed and under the covers.

“How was the rest of your night, babe?” Brad croaks as he wraps his arm around Louis’ torso.

“It was good, just catching up with all the lads,” he tells him.  He burrows his head into his pillow, wanting nothing more than to fall asleep and forget most of the night, especially the parts that included Harry.

“That’s good, love,” Brad says as he kisses Louis on his temple. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight,” he responds, but he spends the rest of the night wide awake, tossing and turning. He can’t help but replay the entire night in his mind. Not only had he not seen Harry in over four years, he hadn’t heard him sing in even longer. It brought back all sorts of memories, which made Louis’ heart clench. He couldn’t help it.  He’s so happy with Brad; he’s been with him for over a year now, and he’s good for him.  

But, still.  It was _Harry_.

Louis met Brad two years ago, when they were both participating in the amateur theatre’s play of Romeo and Juliet.  Louis found it ironic that Brad was playing Romeo and Louis was playing Mercutio, since Brad wouldn’t stop flirting with him every chance he got. Eventually, Brad asked Louis out for coffee after rehearsal one day, and the rest, as they say, is history.

Brad is funny, witty, and can take and keep up with Louis’ humor. The sex is pretty good as well, and they usually have something interesting to talk about, especially since Brad is always rehearsing for some new play in London. He’s a great actor, and Louis is lucky to have him. He can’t let the fact that Harry is back in town change his feelings for Brad. Brad is good for him—Brad loves him, and he knows that someday Brad will want to marry him.

Things with Brad are good.  Comfortable.  

That is the thought Louis keeps recycling in his brain — a mantra of sorts — until he falls into a fitful sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

 

The days pass and Harry finds himself with no motivation to get out of bed or do anything. It's like everything has just hit him all at once; the realization that his life is not where he pictured it would be at this point and seeing Louis has moved on and is happy with someone else is making him feel like he’s stuck in some kind of nightmare.  These reasons are enough for him to never want to leave his flat. 

He’s lying in bed listening to [ _Waiting for the End_](https://open.spotify.com/track/01pOtDU5YHWbxuNBzlRUem) by Linkin Park on repeat for the third day in a row, thinking about the mess his life has become.  He feels as if time is moving in slow motion all around him as he lets the music consume his whole being, closing his eyes and letting the tunes resonate throughout his body.  Every time a certain lyric hits home his lip quivers, but he bites it down, trying to prevent the tears from making their way out.

He thought that coming back to London would give him answers, but instead he finds himself more confused than ever. Where is he supposed to begin now? What does he even want to do with his life now that making it in the music industry didn’t work out for him?  He dropped out of uni to pursue his dreams so he has no real qualifications to do anything career-wise. Seeing Louis again was just a harsh reminder to Harry about all the things he could be having right now, but instead he’s alone, with no job, no boyfriend and no direction.

Niall lingers in the doorway for a moment before he hastily enters his bedroom, not saying a word.  Harry looks over to him but doesn’t acknowledge his presence; he just continues to go back to staring at the ceiling, listening to the lyrics and trying to drown out his thoughts. Niall lifts the duvet and gets into bed with Harry and without saying anything, he cuddles into him, spooning him, chin resting on his shoulder. Harry allows the physical contact; he is so grateful for Niall and his patience with him.  Niall has given him the space he has needed to deal with his issues, but it looks like he’s finally going to try to get Harry to talk to him, which Harry isn’t looking forward to. Niall kisses Harry on his shoulder and sighs. 

Niall removes one of his ear buds, “Hazza, I love you, but you need to get out of bed, love,” he says gently, “I’m starting to get worried.”

Harry doesn’t move, he doesn’t really know what to say to Niall without sounding like some pathetic twat or a complete basket case. He doesn’t want Niall to realize what a failure Harry really is and make him change his mind about letting Harry live with him. 

Niall tries again. “Can you please talk to me, Haz?” he asks, squeezing Harry tighter to show he’s being serious.  

Harry turns around, facing Niall and stays silent for a few more minutes before he finally speaks. “I just…” he starts, not being able to prevent his voice from breaking. He doesn’t even know how to put all the things he’s currently feeling into words. “This song that I’ve been playing nonstop: this is exactly how I’m feeling right now. I don’t even know how to move on—how to start over.  How do I do that, Niall?  The only thing I had...the one thing I had put all my hopes and dreams on, has failed.  It went to shit.  And now I’m here, all broken and such a failure at life. I couldn’t even keep the best thing that ever happened to me.  I’m afraid I’ve made so many mistakes I could never...Now I have nothing.  How do I start from scratch?  Where do I even begin?”  Harry just explodes with all these emotions he’s been holding in the past few days and by the time he finishes his rant, his cheeks are tear-stained and his throat burns.

Niall rubs his arm while he takes in everything Harry just said.  “Look, Haz, first of all you have me and Liam and Zayn, okay?  Don’t ever feel like you’re alone in this.” He takes his hand and starts to soothingly run it through Harry’s hair.  “Also, you didn’t fail, okay?  Just because things didn’t go how you had planned them doesn’t mean you failed.  So the people in LA have their heads too far up their arses to see the talent that was standing right in front of them.  Maybe we should try a different approach to achieve your dream,”  he tells him.

Harry furrows his eyebrows and sniffles, looking at Niall. “We?  What do you mean—a different approach?”

Niall thinks for a moment, then his face lights up as if he just came up with a great idea.  “How about we record a demo and pay for it with our own money?  We’ll rent a studio, or rent some recording equipment or summat, and record it ourselves.  Then we can play some gigs, sell the CDs, and promote your music that way.  Harry, you’re so talented, I don’t doubt for a second that someone will find you and want to sign you,” he says as he continues to run his hand through Harry’s curls. “You won’t have to hire musicians because you’ll have me on guitar, of course, Zayn plays drums, Louis plays piano…”

“No. I won’t ask Louis for help,” Harry says immediately, shaking his head.

Niall’s hand pauses in its movement. “Fine, but we’ll figure stuff out.  It’s not going to be easy, but it’s doable, no?” Niall asks and resumes playing with Harry’s hair.

“Hmm...I do have some money my Nan left me when she passed away last year.  I haven’t wanted to touch it yet, but this seems like a good thing to invest some of that money into,” Harry contemplates.

“I’ll pitch in too! I also have some money saved up—that way you don’t have to use all of yours,” Niall enthuses.  “I believe in you, Harry.  Always have.”

Harry blinks back a fresh wave of tears and can’t help but smile at his friend’s enthusiasm in wanting to help him accomplish something as big as recording his own music.  “I also have quite a few songs written on my own; I’m sure I can write a few more to make it into an EP or summat,” Harry says, still thinking out loud.  He’s feeling the inkling of something he never thought he’d feel ever again: hope.

“There you go, Haz—that’s the spirit!” Niall exclaims, squeezing Harry’s cheeks playfully.

Harry slaps his hands away and smiles, feeling better than he has in days. “Thank you, Niall.  Now, can you please get out of my room so I can put some clothes on?  I should probably start looking for a job.”

Niall cackles kisses Harry on the forehead before he leaves him to do what he needs to do calling out, “There’s the Harry we all know and love!”  

Harry stretches out, his bones cracking as he arches his back against the mattress.  He sighs deeply and rubs his eyes as he gets out of bed, deciding he should probably shower first.  It’s a new day, he thinks, and he needs to wash away all the self-pity and doubt he’s been harboring these past few days.  

He stands in the hot shower, muscles immediately relaxing as soon as the water hits his skin. Steam fills up the bathroom as he closes his eyes, trying to think about how he’s going to accomplish this.  This is a big deal—at least, it is for Harry—and he wants people to take it seriously.  It can’t be a half-arsed effort to try to prove himself to anyone; it has to be something he gives his all to, no messing around.  He will need to make a few phone calls, as he has a few friends in the industry who might be able to help point him in the right direction of how he can begin this enormous task.  His mind is spinning with all the ideas and questions he has.  

After getting out of the shower and getting dressed, Harry feels like a new person, ready to tackle the day’s endeavors.  The first thing he decides to do is contact his friends Nick and Ed who are in the music industry and might be able to lead him to the right people that can help him accomplish this feat. 

Luckily, Harry has kept in touch with these friends so it won’t feel like he’s asking for favors out of the blue.  Nick is glad to hear Harry is back in London, and after Harry promises to have dinner sometime soon to catch up, he in turn promises to call Harry back after he has reached out to his contact people.

Ed is just as happy to hear from Harry; it turns out he’s not in New York anymore, and will actually be starting a tour in the UK in a few months. He’s currently running around the country promoting his new album, and Harry can’t be happier for his friend.

After conversing for another hour catching up on things, they make plans to meet up within the next couple of weeks when Ed has some time in between promo and Harry has finished settling in so they can catch up on each other’s lives.  

Harry hangs up and tosses his phone onto the bed. He can’t help but think about Louis and daydream a bit about what he might be up to. Louis has always been great with teenagers, and he can just picture him teaching them all about how Romeo and Juliet is the greatest love story of all time.  And he’s sure that his students listen to him, because Louis is the type of person you just sit and admire what he’s like as he goes on tangents about the tragic love story and how it can be applied to the modern day.

A smile tries to creep its way onto Harry’s face just thinking about it. He feels nostalgic for the past, and that will do him no good, he thinks.  He needs to move forward.  With a shake of his head, he decides to go and find Niall to tell him how his contact attempts went.

“That’s great, Harry—we’re getting the wheels in motion. Now it’s just a matter of time,” Niall tells him. “How about we invite the others over to explain everything to them and see if they’re available to help with the album?”

“Sounds great! I’ll cook dinner,” Harry offers. Niall nods and grabs his phone to call everybody.

Harry decides to take some time to himself to process everything and decides to go to the shops to buy the things he needs to make dinner tonight. Nothing relaxes him more than doing some shopping, walking from aisle to aisle and choosing the perfect ingredients for a good meal. He decides he’s going to make tacos, and if they happen to be Louis’ favorite, then so be it.

 

**_Winter 2010_ **

_ Harry is weaving his way through the supermarket, trying to get all the ingredients he needs to make Louis’ favorite meal. He’d promised he would make it for Louis as a reward for having gotten through final exams. His hands can’t stop trembling as he reaches for the ingredients he needs and tosses them into his basket. The uneasy feeling in his stomach won’t go away, and his throat has felt tight all week. He’s relieved Louis has been too busy with schoolwork to spend time with Harry this week, so he hasn’t had to worry about avoiding Louis. Now that he knows there’s no more avoiding the issue, Harry can’t stop feeling worried. This might be the last meal he’ll get to cook for his boyfriend if Louis decides to break up with him after he finds out what Harry has been up to.    
_

_ After spending another hour just walking around and making sure he’s gathered everything he needs, Harry feels a little better, but that feeling still remains. With a heavy sigh, he heads to the checkout to pay for everything before going back to their flat. _

_ The tension in his body seems to return tenfold the closer it gets to Louis’ arrival, and Harry is running around the kitchen like a headless chicken trying to make this meal the best one he’s ever done. It’s also a good distraction from the other things running around in his mind as he tries to not think about the issue at hand. _

_ As Harry begins to warm up the tortillas on the stove he hears keys jingling and his breath hitches. _

_ “Oh my God, Haz _ — _ it smells heavenly in here,” Louis gasps as he enters the flat, taking off his shoes by the door. Harry doesn’t say anything, but he runs a quick hand through his sweaty hair and wipes his forehead with the back of his hand. _

_ He tenses up when he feels Louis wrap his arms around his waist, hooking his chin on his left shoulder to see what Harry’s up to.  “I missed you, love,” he murmurs against his ear and kisses him on the cheek. _

_ Harry relaxes a bit at that, temporarily forgetting about his worries as the corners of his lips rise in an attempt to smile.  “ I missed you too,” he nearly whispers.  His throat feels dry and he coughs a little to clear it. “Have a seat, dinner is ready.” _

_ Louis grabs a couple of beers from the fridge and walks over to the living room, setting the drinks down on the coffee table.  He turns on the TV as he waits for Harry to finish up.  Harry brings their plates a few minutes later and Louis immediately tucks into his food. _

_ “How were your exams?” Harry asks, too nervous to eat so he just fiddles around with his tortilla. _

_ “Not bad; just glad to be done, to be honest,” Louis responds with a mouthful of food.   _

_ They continue in silence. Harry’s hands are shaky and he just can’t take it anymore. He wants to get this conversation over with before he gives himself an ulcer.  He drops the fork on his plate, making a loud clunk noise, which catches Louis’ attention. “We need to talk,” he says as firm as he can, trying not to let his voice shake. _

_ Louis swallows the food in his mouth. “Okay...?” he trails off, sounding unsure of where the conversation is going. _

_ Harry can’t take the look Louis is giving him so he looks down at his plate, tears threatening to spill.  He does his best to hold them back, with no luck.  He feels Louis’ hand on his forearm and it’s like the floodgates have opened. _

_ “What’s wrong, baby?” Louis asks, a worried look on his face. He seems unsure as to whether Harry wants him to hold him or not so he keeps his distance, but he continues to rub his arm soothingly to comfort him. _

_ “I...I got accepted to an internship I applied for a few months back,” he says, voice shaking.  He rubs his palms against his eyes to wipe his tears away. _

_ “That’s great, Haz,” Louis says. “Isn’t that what you wanted?” _

_ Harry nods. “Yeah, I did, but….” he trails off. _

_ “But what?” _

_ “The internship is in Los Angeles,” he says slowly, letting the information sink in.  He can see Louis’ face go from excited to serious when Harry tells him. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before, Lou; I just didn’t think I would get accepted. I love you so much. I don’t want to lose you, and I know this will change a lot of things between us... I just really hope that you can forgive me,” Harry rushes out. _

_ Louis doesn’t say anything; his expression is unreadable, which is rare because Harry is usually pretty good at reading Louis. His heart begins to pound harder against his chest and he feels like he might throw up, not knowing what Louis’ going to say or if he’s just going to storm off. _

_ After what feels like hours but is really just a couple of minutes, Louis finally says, “Why did you think you were going to lose me?” His eyebrows are furrowed and his head is tilted as he looks at Harry expectantly. _

_ “I just figured that you would be mad at me for moving away to LA and that you’d want to end things,”  Harry replies, uncertainty dripping from his words. _

_ “Oh, baby,” Louis says as he pulls Harry into an embrace, running his fingers through his curls. “I’m not mad. I’m so proud of you, you know that?  You are going to LA to pursue your dreams _ — _ why would I break up with you over that?” _

_ Harry shrugs, holding Louis tightly. “I don’t know, I just know how difficult long distance relationships are and some people just break up instead of just trying to make it work.” _

_ “Oh, Harry; we’ll make it work, I know it.  You and I _ — _ we’re forever, you know?  I’ll always be there to support you, no matter what; even if it means having to live in separate continents for a while. You’re worth it, baby, so worth it.”  He kisses the top of Harry’s head. “Now, when does this internship start?” _

_ “In six months,” he responds, looking up at Louis fondly. “I love you, Lou; you’re worth it for me too,” he says.  He puts his hand on Louis’ jaw and pulls him in for a kiss. The kiss is sweet and comforting, and Harry doesn’t know why he was so worried to begin with. Louis’ kisses reassure him that everything is going to be okay, and that they’re in this for the long haul. _

 

*

 

Harry is busy in the kitchen preparing dinner; he’s in the zone, swaying his hips to the sounds of Adele playing through the speakers as he stirs the meat in the frying pan.  He’s using the wooden spoon in his hand as a mic as he belts out the chorus to  [ _ Rolling in the Deep _ ](https://open.spotify.com/track/5xPazRvyrkVootu8pM9vUG) _.   _ He’s caught up in the music, eyes closed as he sings, suddenly being startled by a hand on his shoulder.  He turns abruptly, dropping the spoon he was holding, and without thinking he bends down to pick it up at the same time as Louis and they knock their heads together.

“Oh god, I’m so sorry!” Harry exclaims as he rubs his own forehead.

Louis is wincing, rubbing his own head as he hands the wooden spoon over to Harry.  “No worries, mate. Sorry to startle you but the music was loud and you didn’t hear me come in,” he says. "Plus it looked like you were really into the song and I didn't want to interrupt you in a moment of musical genius," he smirks, dropping his hand.  His forehead is pink from where they crashed into each other.

Harry flushes pink, feeling embarrassed that Louis witnessed his little performance.  He moves to turn the volume down on the stereo.

"So, where's Niall?" Louis asks, wiping his hands against his thighs.

"Oh, um...he went to the shops to grab beer—he should be back any minute now," he responds, going back to tending to the food cooking on the stove.  “Where are Zayn and Liam?”

“Liam said he’s just waiting for Zayn. He had to stay a bit later to supervise the school newspaper; shouldn’t be much longer,” he responds.

There's an awkward silence but Harry busies himself with the food so that he doesn't have to look at Louis.  "So, how have you been?"  Louis asks, he sounds nervous, unsure.  Harry has his back to Louis, which he's rather grateful for at the moment.

"I've been alright," Harry responds while he adds more seasoning to the meat. "You?"

There is a slight pause, the food sizzling in the pan the only noise in the room.  Harry furrows his eyebrows, wondering if Louis had heard him. He turns off the stove and turns to look at Louis.  Louis is standing there staring at Harry, his face blank. “Louis?”  Harry says, trying to get his attention.

Louis snaps out of his thoughts, looking sheepish. “I’m sorry, what?”

“I was just asking how you were,” Harry says, walking over to get the tortillas.

“Uh...good. I’ve been good,” he says, still sounding rather distracted.  “Need any help?” he offers.

Harry holds back a smile. “Do I dare trust you around a stove?”

Louis looks offended. “Excuse you, but I’ve gotten a lot better at cooking since the last time we hosted a dinner party,” he says, not thinking that the last time they had a dinner party, they were very much together.

They both stay quiet for a few moments before Harry decides to end the awkwardness that has once again developed. “Here, you can heat up the tortillas.” He hands Louis the package of flour tortillas and Louis immediately gets to work while Harry finishes up and begins to set up the dining room table.

Silence fills the room, and it’s not too bad, Harry thinks.  It sort of feels like old times when they used to have their own flat and prepare for when they were going to have friends over.  Harry would be slaving away in the kitchen while Louis would help where he could—as best as he could without burning the house down.  He pushes those thoughts away, because this is definitely not like old times.  Far from it.

Once they’ve both completed their own tasks, they find themselves sitting in the dining room waiting for the others, and Harry’s not sure what they are supposed to do.  Never in his life did Harry think it would ever be like this between them.  They always found things to talk about, and Louis was always the center of attention; his sense of humor was always one of the things Harry loved most about him.  

Their eyes meet a few times, but Harry finds himself quickly shifting his gaze away, feeling his cheeks heat up.  He just can’t keep himself from looking at Louis’ gorgeous figure.  Harry notices that he looks older, less boyish, more rugged and manly.  He’s filled out a bit, if his shirt clinging onto his biceps is anything to go by.  Harry’s mouth starts to go dry at the sight.

Harry decides to break the silence, needing something to distract him from wanting to jump Louis’ bones. “So, how is Brad?”  he asks.  As much as he hates to bring him up, he just wants to find something to talk to Louis about, and he sure as hell doesn’t want to talk about himself and how fucked up his life has been.  

Louis looks a little taken aback by Harry’s question but he easily recovers.  “Uh, he’s great, yeah,” he replies. His hands are clasped together and suddenly he seems more interested in looking down at his fingers as they tap against the table.  

Harry isn’t sure what else to say.   _ Where the hell is Niall?  He should be here by now. _  He’s about to ask Louis another mundane question — all too aware that it never used to be like this —  when he hears the door open, and he lets out a breath of relief.

“I’m sorry I’m late!” Niall comes rushing into the dining room. “Haz!  You won’t believe what just happened! Oh, hey, Louis.” Niall quickly turns back to Harry. “Oh my god, guess what?”

Harry can’t help but let out a laugh as he looks at the state of Niall. His hair is in disarray and it looks like he just ran a marathon, with flushed cheeks and hurried breaths.

Louis smirks at Niall and meets Harry's eyes over the table. "Where did you come from, Niall, an all night leprechaun meet-up?"

"Ha-ha," Niall deadpans, turning back to Harry.

Harry chuckles, "Yeah, I haven't seen you this excited since that St. Patrick's day when you learned about that pub on campus that gave away free beer to Irish Nationals."

Louis laughs out loud then. The sound of it makes Harry feel warm inside. He remembers what it used to be like, to make Louis laugh like that. It's like a thousand sun beams lighting all over his body, warming him instantaneously.

Harry decides to take pity on Niall, who looks like he's getting more and more frustrated by the minute.

“What’s going on Niall?” he asks as he takes the beer from his friend and sets it down on the table.

“So, I was at the shops trying to decide what beer to buy, and I ran into Greg James,”  he explains.

“Okay…” Harry says, not really sure where Niall is going with this.

“Who is Greg James, Niall?”  Louis asks as he takes a beer from the pack and pops it open to take a sip.

“Greg owns that fancy pub called Edge of Town. Turns out every month they have these nights where musicians who are trying to get their music out there come and perform.  Guess who got you a slot for next month?”  Niall asks raising his eyebrow at Harry.

Harry’s jaw drops. “Niall, you didn’t.”

“I did! I told him how you’re currently working on music and he said he trusts my judgement. Greg’s an old friend, you know, so you’re in!”  Niall exclaims.

“Oh my god, Niall! Thank you!” Harry says, leaping up from the table as he pulls his friend into a hug. “Thank you so much for doing this, you have no idea what this means to me,” he murmurs into Niall's ear. Harry can’t help but look at Louis from the corner of his eye and he sees that Louis is smiling at him.

“Ah, no worries, mate!  You’re a talented lad and it’s about time people start hearing your music.” He smiles back at him.

“What’s this, then?” Louis asks, looking from Harry to Niall expectantly.  

“Ah-ah-ah, Tommo.  You’ll find out soon enough,” Niall teases, before continuing, changing the subject, “So, what’s for dinner?”  

“Tacos. We should get started before the food starts to get cold,”  Harry suggests, eager to do something besides avert his eyes from Louis’ piercing gaze.

“Yeah, Li just texted.  They’re on their way; they said we can go ahead and start without them,” Louis says, reluctantly, still looking at Harry quizzically.  Harry ignores him.  

“Okay, great—let’s dig in!” Niall exclaims, always good for a distraction.

They start eating dinner, and Niall is the one leading most of the conversations as Harry finds his food more interesting.  He can feel every time Louis looks his way and his heart skips a beat at that.  Harry joins the conversation when prompted by Niall, but doesn’t do much else than focus on his dinner.  They’re joined by Liam and Zayn not much later and they all catch up on the last few days since they last saw each other.  After everyone has finished eating, Niall stands up, takes his empty beer bottle and clinks his fork against it.

“If I could please have your attention; there’s something Harry and I would like to talk to you about,”  he announces.

Harry feels his insides churn as everyone turns to look at him.

“Haz, would you like to tell everyone what this dinner is all about?”  Niall encourages.

Harry takes a sip of his beer; he needs all the courage he can get. He clears his throat. “Um, sure... So you all know how I went to LA for an internship and…” he trails off, knowing his friends have an idea about just how well the last few years of his life have gone.  Louis is looking everywhere but at him.  Harry swallows thickly and continues, “Right.  And um.  So, um...Niall and I were talking... Well, he was talking to me—I wasn’t really up to talking.” Niall kicks him hard in the shin.  Harry yelps, rubbing his leg as he gets back to the point. “Anyway, Niall suggested that maybe we try to record an EP out of our own pockets and see where it goes from there,” he finishes, downing the last remnants of his beer.  He’s never been so nervous in his life.  

He’s just admitted to his friends, his  _ best _ friends, that he failed.  And he needs their help.

He looks over at the other guys and Liam and Zayn look excited.  _ Excited _ . To help him.

“That sounds great, Harry!”  Liam exclaims.  “What can we do to help?”  he asks, looking at Zayn and Louis.  

Zayn nods his head in agreement while Louis — Louis, who Harry used to know so well, better than himself — is just staring at him blankly.  Slowly, he watches as Louis nods too, a slow smile spreading over his face. Harry can’t help the way his heart stutters when he sees Louis also seems willing to help him.

“Well, Liam and Zayn: I could really use help with the instrument portion of it. I have quite a few songs written already, I’ll just need help with the arrangements and producing and such,” he says, trying to ignore the insatiable urge to include Louis.  He couldn’t do that to him.  Couldn’t possibly expect him to drop everything and help him.  Not after...everything.  

Liam cheers loudly and Zayn looks eager and excited.   

“Of course, Haz; we’ll be more than happy to help with that.  Will be great to play some music again together,” Zayn says.

“Thank you,” Harry replies with a big smile on his face. He’s so happy that his friends get to be part of this process with him, unlike back in LA when he felt so alone.  He wonders why he didn’t think of this sooner; he sure could have saved a lot of time, and heartache.  Who knows, him and Louis might even still be together.

“Haz, you forgot the most important part!” Niall exclaims, shaking Harry out of his thoughts.

“There’s more?” Louis asks looking at Harry. Harry still can’t quite read Louis’ face; he seems to look hurt.

Harry’s heart pounds hard against his chest. He hates how much of an effect Louis still has on him after all these years. “Um, yeah. Niall was also able to get me a gig next month to showcase my music,” he replies.

All the guys look at each other, eyebrows raised and jaws on the floor. “Haz, that’s amazing!  Things are already starting to work themselves out,”  Liam exclaims.

“Yeah—I should have enough time to get some songs and even an EP together by then — especially with all of your help. I’m excited.”

“Well, we are so proud of you Harry, and know that we are here for anything you need,” Zayn pipes in.

Louis has been surprisingly quiet throughout this whole exchange, which Harry understands; he’s not his boyfriend anymore and they haven’t really been friends either, so Harry gets it if Louis couldn’t care less now about the exciting things that are happening in his life.  He would do anything just to have Louis be his again; the person he goes to when such great things are happening in his life. Louis used to be all that for Harry and now Harry doesn’t have that and it’s hitting him like a ton of bricks. Louis isn’t  _ his  _ to have anymore and he’s going to have to go through this amazing journey on his own. If someone would have told Harry five years ago that Louis wouldn’t be part of his life like this anymore, he wouldn’t have believed it.  Now that he sees how it is, he feels like he’s in a dream—more like a nightmare —  that he can’t wake up from.  How did it get to be like this?

[ _ Who Knew- Pink _ ](https://open.spotify.com/track/7FpoD2ZlcBSj05rEHSZoiB)

Harry is feeling overwhelmed all of a sudden and he needs to have a few moments for himself.  He excuses himself and rushes down the hall to the bathroom. His legs feel like jelly and he holds onto the porcelain sink in front of him to keep himself from collapsing onto the floor.  He’s taking deep breaths to calm himself. He counts to ten and starts to feel his heartbeat slowing down.  He splashes some cold water on his face and looks in the mirror.  He didn’t realize he had been crying, but the tears running down his face seem to tell a different story. Running his hand through his hair and wiping his cheeks, he knows that he can’t look like the mess he still feels inside.  He can’t let Louis see him like this—not when Louis seems to have a perfect life now.  One that  should have been with Harry.

He takes a final deep breath, and after ensuring that he is okay to head back out with the rest of the boys, he opens the bathroom door and is met with bright blue eyes.  

“Oh, sorry, didn’t mean to keep you waiting for the loo,” he says quietly as he moves out of the way to let Louis through.

Louis doesn’t move. “I wasn’t waiting for the loo,” he says matter-of-factly.

Harry’s eyebrows furrow in confusion. “You weren’t?”  he asks.

Louis shakes his head in response but doesn’t say anything. He looks Harry straight in the eye;  Harry squirms under the intensity of Louis’ gaze but doesn’t look away—he doesn’t want to, even though his face feels like it’s burning with the way Louis is looking at him. His eyes are a bright, bright blue and his cheekbones are so defined he just wants to run his lips along them.  He doesn’t remember Louis being so devastatingly handsome.  Or maybe he does, but had just blocked it out.

“Can I have a word with you in private?” Louis finally asks, forcing Harry out of his thoughts.

“Yeah, uh, sure…”  

They walk to Harry’s bedroom, Louis closing the door behind him. He is standing against the door, looking at Harry who is standing against the opposite wall.  He doesn’t want to stand too close to Louis; doesn’t want to be responsible for the way his body will undoubtedly respond to Louis’ proximity.

Louis takes a deep breath. He walks over to Harry, invading his personal space, despite Harry’s best efforts, and says, “What the fuck, Harry?”

Harry is still confused; his face must show it because Louis continues.

“What the fuck? You have all these great things happening in your life and you don’t even think to tell me?  We spent nearly an hour alone today and not once did it cross your mind that you would want to tell me?  I fucking asked you how you were!”  He explodes, slapping Harry on the chest after each statement.

Harry doesn’t understand why Louis is so upset about this.  “Why are you so upset?” He feels confused, something brewing under the surface, just out of reach of his comprehension.  

“Why am I upset?  Haz, I….”  Louis stammers. He sighs. “I guess I just… I don’t know, to be honest.  It just hurts that after all we’ve been through, you didn’t think to talk to me about what’s been going on in your life.  I mean, we used to be best friends!”

Now Harry is the one that’s upset.  “Yeah, we  _ used  _ to be best friends—until you decided to walk away!” Louis looks taken aback by Harry’s outburst, but he keeps going. “Do you have any idea how hard it was for me to continue with my life without you?  Knowing that my supposed best friend and love of my life didn’t want anything to do with me anymore?”

Louis looks down at his feet. He hesitates for a moment before he decides to respond. “Please don’t do this Haz,” he pleads.

“Oh, now you  _ don’t  _ want to talk?  How do you think it felt coming back and seeing how in love you are with Brad? I mean. You’ve clearly moved on and forgotten I even exist." Harry couldn't help it. He was angry and his tone seethed with it.

Louis' eyes flashed with fury and then quickly turned sad. He shook his head. “That’s so unfair.  You’re the one that didn’t want to get married. It could have still been us and you know that.”

“I didn’t say I didn’t want to marry you, Lou. I said, not  _ now _ . I had a lot going on and you were giving me an ultimatum.”

“I was tired of being just a back thought in your life, Harry.  I needed something, just  _ something _ to make me feel like I was still important to you.”  Louis’ voice cracks, and Harry just wants to reach out to comfort him, but he doesn’t.  Because he doesn’t feel worthy.  He knows how much he’s hurt Louis, hell, he’s spent  _ years _ being full of regret.  

“I know I took you for granted Lou, and you have no idea how much I want to go back in time and do things differently.”

Louis’ eyes go a bit wide, surprised at Harry’s own admission, “What?”

Harry stays silent for a moment, ultimately deciding to just lay it all out on the table.  He’s got nothing to lose.  “Do you have any idea how many times I wish I could go back to that night?”

“What do you mean?”  Louis asks.

Harry takes Louis’ hand and looks him in the eye. “Every time I think about the night that you proposed, I wish I could just go back to it and say yes. God, Louis!  If I had known that this is how my life was going to turn out, I would have said yes and chosen you all those years ago!”  he cries desperately.

Louis lifts his hand up to move the curls out of Harry’s face, his fingers soft and warm.  His eyes are filled with warmth and understanding.  “If I would have known that this is how our lives were going to turn out, I would have never walked away,” he whispers.  He moves his hand to the back of Harry’s head. “I missed these curls.” He smiles sadly, running his hand to Harry’s face and poking his dimple that’s out on display. “I missed these dimples,” he says as he runs his fingers down Harry’s jaw towards his lips. “I missed these lips,” he barely whispers as he runs his thumb across Harry’s bottom lip.  Harry wants to take it into his mouth and suck on it, but it takes everything he has not to do that.

Louis’ eyes are hooded, his stare is heavy and filled with desire.  Harry swears he can feel him coming closer, like a magnet, unable to pull away, the force between them feels so strong.  And just as Harry’s about to close his eyes, and let Louis kiss him, Louis pulls away quick and sudden. “I’m sorry, Haz, I can’t,” he says regretfully, stepping away, leaving Harry missing him already.  Again.

“What?”  Harry asks, dizzy with want, desire, for the boy he’s never stopped loving.

“I’m with Brad. I shouldn’t be...I’m sorry,” he says apologetically, his face flushed, eyes wild.  

Harry feels his heart breaking all over again but he tries to school his face into one of understanding.  “No—I’m sorry, Lou,” he says, biting back the hurt that crowds his voice.  “I shouldn’t have — “

“Don’t worry about it,” Louis interrupts.  He steps away further from Harry, putting even more distance between their two bodies that seem to push and pull at one another.  “I think the best thing for us to do right now is to be friends again.  _ Just _ friends.  I really did miss you, you know?”  Louis says slowly, a look of sad resignation on his face as he runs a hand through his fringe.

“Just friends, “ Harry repeats, before adding, “Yeah, you’re right.  I missed you too,” I missed my best friend,” he mumbles as an afterthought, leaving so much,  _ everything  _ really, unspoken.  

Louis gives Harry one last apologetic look before he turns and walks out of the room, leaving Harry leaning against the wall and trying to catch his breath.  His fingers rub against his lips, still able to feel the almost-imprint of Louis’ kiss.

Later that night, Harry can’t get Louis’ words out of his head as he tosses and turns, unable to get a good night’s sleep.  His heart is heavy and he plummets back into sadness, dreams laced with blue eyes, tears and endless goodbyes.  

  
  


*

  
  


The whole way home Louis watches rain trickle down the outside of his windshield.  He had to turn off the radio as soon as Katy Perry’s  [ The One That Got Away ](https://open.spotify.com/track/3oL3XRtkP1WVbMxf7dtTdu) came on, as he felt it was fate’s way of fucking with him.  Louis is so overwhelmed with the thoughts going through his head, he tries his best to focus on the road. His hands are gripping the wheel so tightly his knuckles have gone white, and he’s pretty sure he’s lost feeling in his fingers.  Perhaps not being able to feel isn’t so bad after all.

Why did he almost kiss Harry?  What was he even thinking?  Harry has always had this effect on him whenever they were in the same room.  It’s like his body felt all tingly and warm and somehow  _ drawn  _ towards him — like he almost couldn’t have stopped himself if he tried.  Harry is inevitable.  Always.  Louis has never had to physically contain himself from what seemed natural for his body.  Before, he always had Harry there, and suddenly the realization of not being able to openly touch him whenever he wanted made Louis feel like the air has been punched out of his lungs.  Is it always going to be this way?  God he hopes not.  He doesn’t think he can live if that is what life with Harry was going to be like.  Being so near to him and not able to touch him, feel him.   _ Kiss _ him.    

Louis is suddenly grateful that he has a while to drive and calm himself down before he gets home to Brad.  He loves Brad, but that man can sense fuckery with just one look in the eye.  Louis has never had to worry about it before, because he’s never hidden anything from him, and didn’t have the need to.  But there’s no way in hell he’s telling Brad about what happened.  It was just a moment of weakness that will not be happening again.  He needs to find a way he can move on with his life and figure out how to coexist in the same world as Harry.  As _ just friends _ .

Louis releases a deep breath to try to ease the tension from his shoulders, but it doesn’t really help.  He loves Brad.  Brad knows what he wants in life, and he has it all together.  Brad wants a future with Louis, something that Harry didn’t want back then.  Just because Harry decided to change his mind, doesn’t mean Louis is going to drop everything to be with him.  Harry is still in a very unstable situation.  He’s still trying to figure himself out, and Louis can’t go through that heartbreak again.  It took Louis years to get over Harry.  And if he gave in, let Harry in again and, if Harry were to change his mind and decide he’s still not ready...  No, Louis made the right decision in moving on and finding someone who wants the same things he does.  Harry might have been his future five years ago but right now in this moment, Brad is his future.  Harry is his past.

After a few more minutes Louis arrives home.  He unlocks his door and is greeted by Brad who’s sitting on the couch going over his lines for the show.  Brad looks up from his concentrated work and his face immediately brightens, “Hey babe,” he greets.

Louis smiles back, “Hello love,” he says as he takes off his shoes by the door and removes his rain drizzled coat, willing his breathing to steady.

“Did you have a good dinner with the lads?” Brad asks absently as he looks back down to his script jotting down a few notes.

“Yeah, it was good.  Niall and Harry had sort of an announcement to make,” he replies as he makes his way to sit next to Brad on the couch.

Brad makes a final note on his script, then puts it all to the side to give Louis his full attention.  He kisses Louis on the forehead and wraps an arm around him.  “Are you allowed to share the announcement?” Brad asks as Louis lays his head on Brad’s shoulder.

“Yeah, they just let us know that Harry, with the help of Niall, will be working on recording his own EP it seems.  Apparently Harry’s been kinda down since he’s arrived and as a way to cheer him up and give him something to do, Niall suggested he just try to spread his music on his own,” Louis explains as he rubs his fingertips along his boyfriend’s arm.

“Oh I see,”  Brad comments, waiting for Louis to continue.

“They asked Liam and Zayn to help with some of the instruments and stuff as well, so it’s becoming sort of a group project,” Louis says trying not to sound bitter that Harry didn’t ask him for help.

“Why didn’t they ask you for help?” Brad asks as he looks down at Louis.

Louis shrugs, trying to seem nonchalant.

“Can I ask you something?”

Louis turns to look at Brad so that they’re facing each other, “Of course.”

Brad looks down at his lap, “Now I’m only going to ask you this once and I want you to be honest with me and I promise I won’t bring it up again,” he begins.

“Okay…”  Louis has a feeling he knows where this is heading.  He feels bile rise in the back of his throat, his stomach flipping over nervously.

“Do I have something to worry about now that Harry’s back?”  He asks, gazing back at Louis.

Louis’ heart rate picks up, “What do you mean?”

“What I mean is, now that Harry is in town, do I need to step aside and let you guys pick up where you left off?”  His bluntness takes Louis by surprise, Brad has always been so open, honest.  Brad is trying to give him an out if he needs it, making Louis love him even more.

Louis lifts his hand to Brad’s cheek giving him a reassuring look, “You have nothing to worry about love.  Harry and I are in the past, you’re my future.  Just because we’re living in the same city, doesn’t mean anything is going to happen between us.  He didn’t want the same things I wanted back then, and we’re both different people now.”  Louis’ voice is fervent, and he somehow feels that he is saying the words to convince himself as much as Brad, “We’re just friends now.”

Brad nods, “Okay, I believe you,” he kisses Louis’ hand that’s still caressing his cheek.  

Louis smiles warmly leaning in to peck Brad on the lips, “I love you.”  He closes his eyes, trying to lose himself in the feeling of Brad’s soft reassuring warmth around him.  It still doesn’t ease any of his earlier thoughts, but at least Brad’s mind is at ease.

Brad returns the sentiment, “Love you too.”  After a few moments of comfortable silence Brad speaks up again, “You should help him,” he says.

Louis raises his eyebrow, “Huh?”

“Harry.  You should offer to help him with his music.  You guys are friends right?  It’s what friends do for each other,” he says.

Louis nods, “Yeah,” he trails off, unsure of Brad’s motives.  He sighs, feeling more uncertain than ever about Harry, Brad and his future.  

  
  
**_Summer 2012_ **

 

_ Louis dialed Harry’s number; it rang four times before he finally answered.  _

_ “‘Ello?” _

_ “Hello, love, how are you?” he asked. _

_ There was a lot of noise in the background; lots of papers shuffling and muffled conversations. “I’m good baby, just busy here trying to get all the mail sorted for everyone. Jenkins will have a fit if I don’t have it done before lunchtime. He likes to check his post right after he has his chicken salad everyday, like clockwork,” Harry whined over the phone, sounding flustered and overwhelmed. _

_ Louis smiled, he could picture Harry all over the place, curls in disarray and eyebrows furrowed trying to get the post in order. “What are you wearing?” Louis asked, amused. _

_ “What am I wearing? Louis, I don’t have time to play around with you right now, love,” he grumbled. Louis could practically see the blush that’s creeping up Harry’s cheeks. _

_ “I bet you’re wearing those tight skinny jeans I love so much with the holes on the knees, and that old ratty white Rolling Stones T-shirt that fits you just right,” Louis rasped seductively over the phone. _

_ “How did you know that?” Harry asked, suddenly stopping what he was doing to look down at his outfit.  He couldn’t keep the surprise and amazement from his voice.   _

_ “Lucky guess,” Louis said, just as he walked into the frenetic post room, pocketing his phone.  He watched as Harry turned abruptly. _

_ “Oh my God! What are you doing here?” Harry shrieked as he ran over to where Louis was standing, hip resting against the doorframe, arms and ankles crossed. _

_ Louis wrapped his arms around the younger boy, doing his best not to lose his balance when Harry jumped into them. He couldn’t help but let out a delighted laugh. “I’m here to see my super fit boyfriend who I love so much.  Looks like I succeeded in surprising him,” he said triumphantly.   _

_ Harry let out a cackle. “Yes, you did,” he laughed as he began to kiss Louis’ cheeks, forehead, chin, and lips. “I missed you so much!” he exclaimed, voice booming from the sheer force of his happiness, tears threatening to spill. _

_ “I missed you too baby, that’s why I’m here,” Louis told him as he returned every kiss Harry gave him.  “How do you feel about having dinner with me tonight?  I’ve made reservations at The Ivy,” Louis said, gripping Harry tightly _ — _ he never wanted to let him go. _

_ Harry did his best to run a hand through his messy curls, the effort not making any difference whatsoever. “Yes, of course! You didn’t have to do that though; I could have made something for us to eat back at the flat, love,” Harry told him. _

_ Louis snorted. “Nonsense. You have a long day ahead of you, the least I can do is take my super fit boyfriend out for a nice meal,” he said. He touched Harry’s cheek lightly and gave him a quick peck on the lips.   _

_ “Alright,” Harry conceded. “Jenkins wants me to sit in a meeting later today, I’ll meet you at the restaurant, yeah?” _

_ Louis kissed Harry on the cheek. “Of course, love. I’ll see you later, yeah?”  He kissed him on the lips again.   _

_ Harry sighed, smiling. “Yeah,” he said. “God, I missed you so much, Lou,” he whispered looking at him with hungry eyes, They kissed again quickly, before Louis said goodbye, reluctantly leaving Harry behind to get back to work. _

_ Louis spent his time at Harry’s flat cleaning it up and doing a few loads of laundry, as it seemed Harry hadn’t had time for any of it. Louis was slightly surprised _ — _ just a bit _ — _ knowing Harry hated living in a messy home and has always been on top of his household chores. Back when Harry and Louis lived together in London, Harry never let Louis do the laundry or cleaning because Harry loved doing the simple domestic things, while Louis made sure all of the bills were paid and groceries were bought (of course he had to follow the shopping list Harry had compiled to a t or else he would be in a lot of trouble).   _

_ As he worked, Louis thought that Harry must have been really busy — the flat was in shambles.  It worried him since it seemed so out of character for Harry.  He pushed those thoughts aside and threw himself into making Harry’s home away from home pleasant and tidy. _

_ After finishing the cleaning, Louis went to the flower shop down the street to pick up the rose petals he had ordered ahead of time, as well as a couple of flower arrangements to have throughout the flat. Harry’s flat was small, but he could work with what he had planned.  He scattered red rose petals all over making a path towards the bedroom area. He also placed unlit candles throughout the flat, making sure to remember to buy some matches later to light them up.  His stomach fluttered with excitement and nerves at what he was planning. _

_ When Louis finally finished, he found that it was almost time to meet Harry at the restaurant. Louis took a deep breath and put his hand in his pocket, feeling the velvet box that was there.  He wrapped his fingers around the soft edges in an effort to help him relax. He could do this, he thought. It’s Harry, the love of his life. He knew he had nothing to worry about, but still — there was an uneasy, heavy feeling in the pit of his stomach.   _

 

*

 

_ “Sir, can I get you anything?  Are you sure you don’t want to order?”  The waiter had already come by several times, but Louis turned him away again, telling him he was waiting for someone. It was getting to the point where the waiter was giving him sympathetic looks, probably thinking Louis was being stood up, which, at the time, seemed to be becoming more and more true. _

_ Harry was almost an hour late. _

_ Louis checked his phone again.  Nothing.  No texts, no missed calls, no voicemails. Where the fuck was Harry? _

_ About twenty minutes later, when Louis looked at his phone for about the millionth time, he heard a rush of footsteps approaching the table, and, looking up, he saw that it was Harry.   _

_ “I’m so sorry!” Harry spluttered before Louis could say anything. He walked over to Louis and pecked him on the lips, pulling his chair out and taking a seat as he set his messenger bag aside and took off his sweater. “The meeting took a lot longer than anticipated and Jenkins wouldn’t let me leave until it was done and then he wanted me to run over and get him a coffee before I got to leave.” _

_ “Don’t worry,” Louis said, flashing a reassuring smile to Harry, feeling the ease of nerves and a flare of annoyance.  Pushing it down, he added, “What matters is that you’re here now.” _

_ Harry sat down and pushed his hair away from his face.  He looked tired, worn out.  But still beautiful.  Louis smiled softly at him.  He was so happy they were together.  Finally.  Louis felt like he hadn’t had a decent conversation with Harry in ages.  Long distance wasn’t really the right term for their relationship.  It had become this flurry of occasional calls and texts.  But nothing beat seeing each other face to face.  For Louis, it felt like it had been an eternity since he looked into his boyfriend’s eyes. _

_ “You know, working for a big record label has its perks. Just the other day I scored some front row tickets to see Arctic Monkeys! Oh and last night I had to accompany Jenkins to a Thirty Seconds to Mars show and I got to meet the band! Louis, I got to meet Jared Leto, can you believe it?”  Harry exclaimed. _

_ “Jared Leto? Really?” Louis gasped, as thrilled as Harry sounded. “Did you take pictures?”   _

_Harry took his phone out of his pocket to show him the pictures._ _“Yeah, I was going to send these to you as soon as I had some free time, but as you saw, I’ve been swamped all day,” he said regretfully._

_ Louis smiled softly, handing his phone back. “Well I’m so glad you get these amazing opportunities, Haz. You truly deserve it.” _

_ “Did you get the song I sent you the other day?” Harry asked, eyes lighting up. _

_ “Yes, I did...it was very good,” Louis said as he took a sip of his wine. _

_ Harry reached over to his messenger bag and pulled out a CD case.  “I made you a mix of songs I thought you’d like. They’re songs that won’t be released for another few weeks,” he explained. _

_ Louis took the CD and looked at it, unable to control the warm smile that crept onto his features. It was labeled:  _ Songs to Make You Think of Me!  _ scribbled in Harry’s writing with a sharpie _ . _ “Thanks, Haz. I can’t wait to hear it.” _

_ Harry smiled then _ — _ his beautiful dimpled smile that Louis loved so much _ — _ and then his phone rang.  Harry looked at it, and when he saw who was calling his face fell. _

_ “Ugh, sorry, I have to take this,” he said guiltily. “Hello? Oh, hey Mr. Jenkins… right now?” Harry visibly deflated. “Yes, I like my job… yeah…okay, I’ll be there as soon as I can… Okay, bye.” _

_ He looked up at Louis with a regretful look. “I’m so sorry, Lou. That was Jenkins; he needs me to come by the office again,” Harry said warily. _

_ “Do you really have to go? I mean, can’t it wait until tomorrow?” Louis asked, trying his best not to sound as disappointed as he was feeling. _

_ “I’m sorry, it really can’t. He and some of the other executives are working on an important project and they need me to bring them their dinner and be available for anything else they might need,” he explained. _

_ “Jenkins needs to get his own bloody dinner,” Louis mumbled under his breath. _

_ “I’m so sorry, Lou,” Harry checked his watch, “I’ll be back by eleven at the latest, yeah?”  he asked Louis with hopeful eyes. _

_ Louis could never say no to Harry, and with a long sigh he replied, “Alright, but you better hope I never get to meet this Jenkins, because he’d be getting a swift kick in the arse for treating my boyfriend like his own personal slave.” _

_ Harry laughed and gave Louis a quick peck on the lips as he put his sweater on and slung his messenger bag back across his chest. “Oh, stop it, babe. I’ll be as quick as I can, okay?”  He ran his hands down Louis’ chest. “Maybe when I get home we can have some...dessert,” he whispered into Louis’ ear seductively.  Louis raised an eyebrow as Harry gave him one last kiss, then rushed out of the restaurant. _

_ Watching Harry leave the restaurant made Louis’ heart pang, but he had to remember why they had to do this.  Harry was in LA working on accomplishing his dreams, and sometimes that meant him jumping through hoops to get there.  Louis wanted to be as supportive as he could, and he’d never hold it against Harry.  He knew that in the end, it would all be worth it, Louis just had to keep reminding himself of that, especially when things got hard.  Especially now that he was sitting alone in some fancy restaurant in LA, probably getting sympathetic stares from people thinking he was stood up. _

_ After getting their food and desserts to go, Louis headed back to Harry’s flat and put the food away in the fridge. Louis spent the next couple of hours watching the telly in the living room, Harry unresponsive to any of the texts he had sent to him. It was almost one in the morning. Louis reached into his pocket and brought out a velvet box, opening it and looking at the ring he had gotten for Harry. The ring was a simple 14k white gold band with a very small sapphire stone right in the center. The moment he saw the ring, he knew it belonged on Harry’s finger. _

_ It had been a difficult year doing long distance with Harry, but they both really tried their best to call and Skype any chance they had. Louis came to LA for the holidays, but after that, neither of them had the time or the money to see each other until now. In the recent months, Harry had gotten so busy that Louis had been lucky to get a text message at least once a day, he was often stuck having conversations with Harry’s voicemail. _

_ Louis understood how much this opportunity Harry had gotten meant to him, so he wanted to be nothing but supportive of him, but he just missed him so much.  With a sigh, Louis closed the box and put it back in his pocket.  Louis was ready to take the next step with Harry. He was willing to come and move to LA to be with him if that’s what it took for Louis to be with Harry forever. With the thoughts of happily ever after and Harry’s dimpled smile, Louis fell asleep on the sofa with the telly on. _

_ When Louis woke up a few hours later, he looked around, confused about where he was, before remembering he was in LA visiting Harry. He blinked the blurriness in his vision away and looked around the room to check the time. _

_ “It’s four a.m.,” Harry said, startling Louis, his voice deep and scratchy, worn and almost ragged. He was sitting on the bed across the small studio apartment, holding something. Focusing a bit in the dim light, Louis could see Harry was moving the small velvet box between his hands, running his fingers across the soft surface.  It must have have fallen out of Louis’ pocket while he was sleeping.  Shit, Louis thought.   _

_ Louis just sat there, staring stunned at the younger boy. When he finally came to his senses, he walked over to where Harry was and knelt down on both knees in front of him. Before Louis could say anything, though, Harry continued, “I haven’t opened it yet. Too afraid to see what’s inside,” he admitted. _

_ Louis took the box from Harry’s hands, brushing his hands against his. “If you would have woken me when you got back, you would know what’s in this box,” he said with a smile on his face, looking at Harry. _

_ “Sorry, I got back about an hour ago and I was going to wake you, but then I noticed all the flowers and the box on the sofa next to you, and I’ve been staring at it ever since,” Harry said, with an expression Louis couldn’t quite read. _

_ Louis reached out to caress Harry’s cheek, giving him a sweet, chaste kiss. Then he took a deep breath and reached down to open the box, but before he could, Harry stopped him.  “Please don’t, Lou,” he pled, a tear escaping his eye. _

_ “What do you mean?” Louis asked, confused. _

_ “I love you so much, Lou; you are the love of my life. You are it for me, you are, but please don’t ask me to marry you right now,” he said, his voice barely a whisper. _

_ “But... I don’t understand,” Louis said, trying his best to keep his composure and make sense of what Harry had just said. _

_ Harry took Louis’ hand and leant down to kiss his knuckle. “I just don’t think we are ready to take that step right now. I’m still struggling to make ends meet while chasing my dreams, and you have your life and family back in London. I would never make you move here to LA to be with me,” he explained quietly. _

_ “But I want to move to LA to be with you, Harry. I am willing to drop everything in London to come be with you,” Louis said, unable to stop his voice from breaking. _

_ “I just don’t want you to end up resenting me for moving here and leaving your life back in London.  I could never live with myself if that happened. I would never do that to you, Louis. I know how much your family means to you, and I know you wouldn’t want to leave them behind for God knows how long,” Harry said, voice raspy with emotion. _

_ “So I have no say in this? You can’t just tell me I’m the love of your life and then beg me not to come live with you, Harry. That’s not how this works,” Louis said, starting to become agitated. “I want to be with you for the rest of my life too, and I want to start my life with you  _ now _.” _

_ “But we already have a life together, Lou,” Harry said. _

_ “Getting a text from my boyfriend once every few days is not having a life together! You can’t make me keep living in a one-sided relationship; I refuse to do that,” Louis growled in reply. _

_ Harry sighed, “I don’t know what you want from me.” _

_ “I want to marry you, Harry. I want to start a life with you _ ;  _ maybe in a few years have kids. That’s what I want,” he said desperately, running a hand through his sleep-mussed fringe. _

_ “I’m sorry, Louis, but that’s not something I can give you right now. I need to see if I can make it here in LA as a musician. I won’t make you move here just as much as you wouldn’t make me move back to London. It wouldn’t be fair on either of us,” Harry said. _

_ Louis couldn’t believe what he was hearing. This wasn’t how he pictured this evening would go at all.  “If you don’t want those things with me now, Harry, you’re never going to want them,” he said, trying his best to sound composed, but failing miserably when his voice broke.   _

_ “Louis, I do want all those things _ — _ just not now,” Harry explained as he walked over to Louis and put his hands on his hips. “Come on, Louis, at least give me just one more year.” He looked up at Louis sadly. _

_ “Harry, I’ve seen you twice in the past year. We go days without talking and when we do it’s just a text here and an email there. I won’t be able to survive another year. We’ve already been growing apart; I don’t even want to imagine where we will be in another year,” Louis told him. _

_ “If you can’t trust that our love can survive through the next year, I don’t understand how you are talking about wanting to be with me forever right now,” Harry replied. _

_ Louis looked at Harry then, his green eyes were dark and gloomy. “I can’t believe you’re saying no,” he whispered. _

_ “I’m not saying no, Lou _ — _ I’m saying not right now... I do want to marry you someday,” he said, exasperated, reaching out for Louis, but Louis pulled away. “Don’t do that, please. Don’t pull away from me.  I love you so much Louis,” he begged. _

_ Louis shook his head. “Just not enough…” _

_ Harry sighed and ran a hand through his unruly curls. “Look, can we just take all of this back... Can we pretend I never found this,” he said, gesturing vaguely towards the box in Louis’ hand. _

_ “I don’t think we can, love,” Louis said, looking over at Harry, eyes filled with sadness. _

_ “I’m afraid this discussion is going to end with…” Harry began as Louis finished for him. _

_ “Goodbye,”  he whispered, looking down at the velvet box. _

_ “Come here.” Harry pulled Louis into him as they both laid next to each other on the bed, Louis with his arm around Harry as Harry nestled his head in the crook of his arm. “Our dreams are going to come true, Lou. I just know it.”   _

_ Louis didn’t say anything and looked up at the ceiling, trying desperately to hold back his tears.  He waited for Harry to fall asleep before he slipped out of the bed. He left the CD Harry had made for him on the bed next to him, and kissed him on the head. “Goodbye, Harry,” he whispered, trying not to break down as he gathered his belongings and made his way out of the flat. He did his best not to look back, afraid he’d change his mind and run to where his home was _ — _ where Harry was. _

[ _ The Secret- Emery _ ](https://open.spotify.com/track/4kRl67yIEbBuZjLJwUmOBh)

*

 

Waking up, bleary eyed, Harry feels torn.  His heart feels heavy, and he’s got this sick feeling in his stomach.  He and Louis almost kissed and he hasn’t been able to erase that memory out of his brain.  It’s like he was so close, about to grasp it, and Louis just yanked it away, taking it all back.  Harry must be an awful person for thinking this way, but he can’t help it.  When it comes to Louis, all inhibitions are thrown out of the window and he finds it hard to give a fuck about anything else.  He runs his index finger across his lips, remembering the way Louis’ breath felt against them--so warm--he was so fucking close.

_ God _ he misses those lips.  Harry closes his eyes, trying to just imagine what a kiss from Louis would have felt like after all these years.  Feeling his scruff scraping against his chin, his hot wet mouth against his own.  

_ Fuck. _

Before he knows it, Harry’s got a hand down his boxers, tugging, long and steady strokes against his cock.  He can’t help it.  It’s the Louis Tomlinson effect.  Apparently, his body doesn’t care that Louis is out of reach, off limits.  Harry runs his thumb across his slit, spreading the precome that is leaking, making his strokes wetter, and so, so good.  He should feel embarrassed at how little it takes him to come.  As his body shakes with the aftershocks of his orgasm, Harry feels utterly fucked.  Because he realizes that it’s going to take more than he thought, to move on from Louis.

Harry’s not gonna lie and say he didn’t want Louis to kiss him the other night.  He really, really did.  But at the same time he’s relieved that he didn’t, because Harry doesn’t know what he would have done if that had happened.  He wouldn’t have been able to hold back, and he would’ve ended up more heartbroken, probably irreparably so.

An uneasy feeling settles over him.  Everything so far is working out for him, things are falling into place.  Nick had called him back saying he knows someone who would be able to rent them a studio, and has plans to go see it with Niall.  He’s also got a couple of job interviews lined up.  But he still feels unfulfilled, because he still can’t have Louis, and that feeling might never go away.  

Tumbling out of bed, Harry washes up for the day, and gets ready, throwing on a plain black t-shirt and his black skinnies.  He looks in the mirror, and runs his fingers through his hair, and that’s when it hits him.  He needs to do something bold.  Something to help symbolize this new beginning, this new chapter in his life.  

It’s now or never, he thinks, as he takes one last look in the mirror, grabs his cell phone and keys, and leaves the flat.

 


	3. Chapter 3

 

 

Louis plops himself on one of the stools in front of the bar as he waits for Niall, who’s busy helping other customers, to notice his presence.  His shoulders slump and he lets out a long sigh.

“Tommo!”  Niall exclaims, making Louis brighten up a little at the attention.

“Hey Nialler,” he greets and takes off his sweater, the inside of the pub being too warm and humid.

“Should I get you the usual?”

God bless Niall, Louis thinks, “Yes please,” he nearly groans.  Louis loves his job, but teaching teenagers takes a lot out of him, no matter how rewarding it may be.

Niall sets down a long glass, filling it up to the brim with his favorite beer.

“Bless.  Cheers, mate,” Louis raises his glass before taking a big, long gulp of his cold beverage.  He can already feel his muscles start to relax as the cool, copper liquid works its way down his throat, making him feel refreshed.

“Better?”

“Much better.  So how’s your day going?”  Louis asks as he settles his glass down.  

“Good, not too bad.  Most of the early crowd has already left.  It shouldn’t get too crowded for another couple of hours,” Niall tells him, as he rinses glasses and puts them away.  “How about you?”

Louis shrugs, “Good, but exhausting,” he chuckles.

“Yeah, kiddos will do that to ya,” Niall says, refilling Louis’ glass without question when he notices it’s nearly empty.

“What time is your shift over?”

Niall turns to glance at the clock behind him, “’Round 10 o’clock.  It’s Tuesday, so it should be a breeze,” he smirks.

“Cheers.”

Niall’s eyes shift to something behind Louis, “Oh. My. God.  Haz, is that you?!”  Niall sounds  flabbergasted.  

Instinctively, Louis turns around to look and  _ fuck _ .  Walking towards them is Harry, but not just any Harry.  Harry with short hair.  Harry who chopped off his beautiful, long curly locks.  Don’t get him wrong, this Harry is just as beautiful. He’s still got some of the curls, they’re just a lot shorter, and fluffier around his head, like a  _ crown _ of curls or something.  Louis realizes his jaw is on the floor, so he closes it.

Harry stops and takes one of the empty stools next to Louis, slipping off his jean jacket as if nothing has happened.  He turns to look at Niall and Louis, “Hey.”

Niall and Louis are still staring at Harry wide eyed.  Louis waves his hand around, “Care to explain?”

Niall puts a pint in front of Harry, and the younger boy looks down and chuckles, his cheeks flush, “Not much to explain, I just got a haircut, that’s all,” he shrugs, “Oh, I also donated the hair to charity, which was cool,” he says as he takes the pint in his hand and lifts it to his lips.  Louis can’t help but stare at Harry’s Adam’s apple as he gulps on his beer.  His mouth goes a little dry.

Louis isn’t sure if it’s the haircut, or just the fact that he hasn’t seen Harry in years, but there’s an air of confidence to him.  This demeanor that makes Louis dizzy with want.  He quickly shakes those thoughts away, because, no.  He can’t.  He and Harry had agreed that they’d be friends, and Louis has to make it work.  Harry is working on getting his life in order, and Louis is his friend.

Louis’ thoughts are interrupted by Niall’s laugh, “Didn’t you have an interview?”

Harry nods, “Yeah I went after I got my haircut.  It was at a library, said they’d give me a call.  I’m also going to apply at the bakery not too far from here tomorrow — Liam let me know they were hiring this morning when he was getting his morning tea apparently.”

They go on about simple conversation, until a rush of people come through the door and Niall becomes occupied.  And well, Louis wasn’t quite prepared to be stuck by himself with Harry again.  To be honest, it was nice to have Niall there as sort of a buffer between them, where they could have nice conversation about their days.  But now that he’s gone, it feels awkward, and tense.  Suddenly Louis finds himself thinking about the other night--where he almost kissed Harry and  _ God _ .  Why does his brain hate him so much?

“Lou?”  

Louis startles at the sound of Harry’s voice, “I’m sorry what?”

Harry smirks, his left dimple caving into his cheek so beautifully, and it takes everything in Louis not to poke his finger into it.  “Was just asking if you want to order something to eat, maybe some chips or summat?”

That prompts Louis to jump from his seat so fast he gets a headrush, “Fuck!  Sorry, I can’t, I just realized I’m supposed to meet Brad,” he takes a look at his phone, “In five minutes.  I didn’t realize it was already so late.”

Harry visibly deflates, his smile disappears for a brief second, “No worries mate, it was good to see you,” he smiles, this time with his mouth closed, no sight of his lovely teeth.

Louis sighs, “Yeah, same.  I’ll see you around Harry,” he says patting him on the arm before he grabs his sweater and waves at Niall.  As he exits the door he can’t help but look over his shoulder one last time, and he sees Harry calling the waitress over.  He can’t help but feel annoyed that he already had plans with Brad, and wishes he could stay longer.  Shrugging his sweater on, he sends Brad a brief text letting him know he’s running a little late, hoping his boyfriend won’t be bothered.

 

*

  
  


“Here we are,” Nick says as he opens the rickety door.  

Harry and Niall enter the space looking at their surroundings.  There’s a small sound booth with a microphone, and a sound board with all sorts of knobs and buttons in a variety of colors.

“It’s perfect,” Niall says, “What do you think Haz?”

Harry brushes his fingers over the buttons, he lets out a long sigh, “I love it,” he says, turning towards his two friends showing them his dimpled smile.

“Alright well, here are the keys,” Nick says handing the keys to Niall, “You have a month, but if you feel you’ll need it a bit longer let me know and I’ll arrange the fees with the owner,” he tells them.

“Great, thanks again Nick,” Harry tells him walking over to wrap his arms around him, “Thank you for all your help.”

“No problem Haz, I’ll expect first dibs on listening privileges, that’s for sure,” Nick says, winking at Harry as he lets him go.

Harry lets out a breathy laugh, “You got it,” he promises.

They say their goodbyes to Nick with promises to have dinner sometime soon, and then it’s just Niall and Harry alone in the studio.  Harry had brought his guitar and journal full of songs he’s written.  Some are unfinished and others that just need some polishing up.

It’s been a little over a week since Niall proposed this idea, and now here he is in the studio getting ready to make music.  Harry’s head is dizzy from how quick everything moved.  Just a week ago he was wallowing in self-pity and now here he is, about to begin the journey toward one of his biggest goals.  

Harry plops onto the couch and looks down at the journal in his hands.  He hasn’t opened it for months, and he wonders if dust will come out of it when he does.  Harry shakes his head at his silly thoughts and just opens the notebook, his fingers flipping through the pages that reflect some of the best and worst moments of his life.  He can’t help the lump in his throat that forms as he looks at the words he’s written, knowing that most, if not all, have to do with Louis.

“Can I see what you’ve written?” Niall asks, startling Harry out of his thoughts.  Harry looks at Niall who’s sitting on the rolling chair next to the sound board.

“Uh yea, sure,” he says nervously, his stomach in all sorts of knots.  He hands the journal over to Niall.

Every minute Niall spends going through the pages of Harry’s most inner thoughts is another minute he spends screaming internally.  Niall’s face doesn’t give anything away.  What if Harry isn’t really talented?  Maybe he should have shown his friends his songs so that they could give him feedback — or given them a chance to run for the hills before they agreed to help him.  What if this whole time Harry’s been a shit musician and that’s why he failed in LA?  

“Wow,” Niall finally says after what seems like forever, Harry sweating and fidgeting the entire time, “These are amazing.”

Harry lets out a breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding, “Really?” His voice squeaks in surprise.

“Of course!  There’s love, and pain, and longing, God Haz, are these all about Louis?” Niall asks.

Harry immediately feels his cheeks heating up, “Well yeah, he’s the love of my life Niall.  He was my inspiration when we were together.  After things ended between us I needed an outlet for the pain I was going through, so I just wrote.”

Niall nods his head, a small sad smile on his face.  “Will you play one of the finished ones for me?” he asks, tilting his head, his voice gentle.

“Oh, I don’t know about that, I haven’t played in months,” Harry admits, suddenly feeling anxious.  What if he’s not any good?  What if he completely sucks?

“It’s okay, I don’t mind, I’m sure it will still be amazing,” Niall encourages him.

Harry smiles at his roommate.  Niall really is the best.  “Okay fine, but please be honest with me if it sucks.”

“I promise.”

Harry takes the journal back from Niall to find the song he’s looking for, biting his lip as he searches for a fairly easy chord progression with lyrics that won’t make him curl up in a ball and bawl like a baby.  

“Alright, I’ll play  _ Once in a Lifetime _ ,” he finally says, getting his guitar out of its case and stepping into the unknown.

  
  


*

  
Harry stumbles into the bakery because he hadn’t noticed the small step there, and he instantly blushes in embarrassment, especially when the people lined up all turn to stare at him.  God, he’s a mess.  He subconsciously runs a hand through his hair, which is still trying to get used to the lack of long curls, and smiles politely as he makes his way to the front of the queue.  It smells delicious in here, like dough and sugar--Harry’s stomach growls.  

When he reaches the counter, a middle aged woman approaches him, “Can I help you?”

Harry clears his throat, “Good morning, I’m Harry, I’m here for the job interview?”

The lady’s face brightens immediately, “Oh yes!  Harry!  Hi!  I’m Hilda, if you’ll just excuse me for one second, I’ll be right with you.”

“No problem, take your time.”

The older lady disappears to the back of the room, so Harry just waits on the side, trying to get out of people’s way as they make their orders.  The ambience is busy, but not in a crazy way, something Harry thinks he can definitely handle.  By the looks of it, they seem to have a group of regulars if the way the customers and the employees interact is anything to go by.  Definitely Harry’s type of place.

“Harry, we’re ready for you,” Hilda tells him.  With a bright smile, Harry follows her to the back room.

The interview at the bakery goes well, and Harry is offered the job right there, on the spot.  Harry’s experience with working in bakeries in the past really helped him get the job.  The hours are great too because he’ll be done with work by early afternoon so that he can spend his evenings working on his music.  Harry didn’t think he’d ever get to work in a bakery again since his last baker job before uni, but at least he’ll get to do something he’s good at and genuinely enjoys doing.

His first week is a little difficult, having to get used to the early schedule of waking up up at 4:30am and being at the bakery by 5am to help open every day.  Harry manages, though, getting into the routine of waking up, going to work, getting off, taking a quick hour-long power nap, then heading to the studio.  It’s been this way for weeks, and Harry wouldn’t have it any other way if he’s honest.  Now, Harry has a set work schedule instead of one that prevents him from accomplishing his own goals or even having any sort of social life.  He already feels the benefits of having moved back to London instead of continuing to be sad and miserable in LA.

Liam, Zayn and Niall pop into the studio here and there, to help when their schedules allow them and they’ve already started on writing the musical arrangements for a few of the songs Harry had finished.  Meanwhile, Harry’s been working on putting together and finishing the rest of his songs.  So far he has about three songs that are completed and needs to have at least three more songs to complete an EP.  Harry is nothing, if not efficient, so he decides he wants to have at least ten songs ready,  just in case.  

It’s Sunday afternoon and his day off from the bakery, so he’s been in the studio since late morning, only stopping to grab a bite for lunch.  He’s been working on this one song he can’t get quite how he wants, when he suddenly hears a knock on the door.  Harry’s eyes furrow trying to decipher who it could be, since he knows all the guys had plans today and weren’t going to be able to make it to the studio.  When he unlocks the door and pulls it open, he’s surprised to see Louis standing on the other end.

“Hi,” Louis greets with a tentative smile on his face.  He’s wearing a grey beanie and a navy blue Amsterdam jumper with black skinny jeans.  Harry can see the triangle tattoo peeking out on his dainty ankle.  He has black vans on and of course, to this day, Louis refuses to wear socks.

Harry feels like he can’t breathe for a moment — Louis is just that beautiful.  Breathtaking.

Harry forces himself to stop ogling and he gives Louis a measured smile, trying to conceal both his excitement and nervousness at seeing him.  “Hey, come in.”  He gestures, moving aside.  

“Thanks mate,” Louis says, brushing past him.  Harry can smell his aftershave and washing powder and it practically drives him to his knees.  It’s all so familiar, so frustratingly familiar.  

“I wasn’t expecting anyone to come to the studio today,” Harry says, not really knowing what to say.  He knows he hasn’t invited Louis over, mostly because he felt it best to keep his distance for a while to avoid anything like their ‘almost kiss’.   He’s not sure he can trust himself around Louis.  And he’s confused.  Confused because of all his feelings that remain for Louis and confused about where to put them; what to do with them.

“Yeah sorry, I talked to Niall, he said you’d be here all day.  I just wanted to stop by and check out the studio...offer my help,” Louis says.  He has his hands in the pockets of his jumper and he’s fidgeting with his feet on the floor looking down.

“You don’t have to do that,” Harry says quietly.

“Do what?”

“Feel forced to come here and offer help.  Making you or Brad feel uncomfortable is the last thing I want to do.”  Harry’s voice comes out flat.  But he feels like he needs to say it — needs to clear the air.

“Is that why you didn’t ask for my help when you asked Liam and Zayn?” Louis asks, softly, tentatively.  He’s looking at Harry, his gaze making Harry’s cheeks heat up.

“That was part of the reason, yes,” Harry admits.  

“What was the other part then?” Louis asks, crossing his arms across his chest.

Harry’s eyebrows raise, surprised Louis actually wants to know.  Louis is looking at him with his eyes boring into him, and Harry knows that he can’t lie to him.

“I just…” he begins, voice shaky and whisper soft.  “You were so supportive of me moving to LA.  You had no doubt that I would make it over there and I just...asking you for help would make everything really sink in.  I mean, don’t get me wrong I already feel like a failure, but actually coming to you to help me would make it more real for me I guess.”

Louis moves closer to Harry, he puts his hand on Harry’s forearm and gives him a warm smile.  His hand feels light, reassuring, but grounding just the same.  So warm. So familiar.  

“Hazza, you don’t ever have to worry about feeling that way around me.  The last thing I’d ever want is to make you feel like a failure,” he tells Harry,  squeezing his arm.  Harry feels heat radiating through him at the point of contact, where Louis is touching him.  “I mean, look. It’s still  _ me _ .  We might not be…” Louis’ voice breaks for a moment and he looks away, dropping his hand.  “We might not be together anymore but I’m still your friend.  I still  _ want  _ to be your friend.”

Harry watches his old boyfriend, his  _ Louis _ , as he chooses his words carefully.  It still feels strained, but better than he could have managed.  “Thanks, Lou.  I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings.  Know that it had nothing to do with you, it was all me and my personal issues.  I’d love your help on this album, I’d be honored actually,” Harry admits, feeling a sense of relief rush through him.

Louis gives him a crinkled smile, the kind that makes Harry’s heart melt, but he tries his best to not let it affect him like it used to.  Louis puts his arm around him patting him on the back.  His arm is strong and his hand is gentle.  It takes everything Harry has to not curl into him and just breathe him in.

“So what are you working on?” Louis asks, cutting the tension and Harry’s train of thought — almost completely.

Harry can’t help but blush a little, thinking about the song he’s been working on that is definitely about Louis.

“Just working on a song, it’s been hard to pick a good selection of them for the EP,” Harry says.

“Well I know that you’ll get it done Haz,” Louis says.  He gets out of Harry’s space, facing him and getting a small black box out of his pocket.  Harry can’t help but get flashbacks from four years ago when Louis was about to propose.  He knows that’s not what this is, but he can’t help the way his heart rate picks up and the way his eyes track the movement of Louis’ hands, holding the object in his hands gingerly.  

“I got you a little something,” Louis says, holding out the box, “take it as a good luck charm for this new chapter of your life.”  Harry notices a little tremor in his hands and he realizes with a start that Louis is just as nervous as he is.

Harry takes the box into his hands and opens it.  Inside he finds a black guitar pic, but it isn’t just plain black.  On it, there’s an image of a frog with a crown and above it in what looks like a pretty font are the words  _ Froggy Prince _ .  Harry’s throat tightens and he swallows hard.  He looks at Louis who’s smiling at him.  

“Thank you so much,” he whispers, emotion and wonder flooding his voice.  He feels nearly shell shocked that Louis remembered that conversation from so long ago — that he was thoughtful enough to get this little token for him.  It means so much to him.

Louis nods as Harry closes the box and places it next to his journal.

“I’ll let you get back to what you were doing,” Louis says, his voice light and airy, sounding like the slight whooshing of paper floating to the ground.  “My number is still the same, feel free to call or text if you need help with anything.”

Harry nods in response.  He’s afraid to say too much, not trusting himself with words right now.  He manages, “Will do, thanks Lou.”

Louis pauses and stares at Harry and Harry stares back.  The light streaming through the window high on the wall is bright and golden and Harry can see dust motes filling the space between them.  It makes Louis look backlit, like some kind of fucking piece of art and Harry needs to close his eyes for a second.  It’s almost too much to look at him, to watch him walk away.  Again.  Finally, Louis breaks the spell and gives Harry a small wave turning toward the door.  But right before he opens the door he stops and turns back around.

“Um...I talked to Niall, and he told me you needed to come up with a few more songs,” he says.

Harry nods slightly, suppressing his annoyance at Niall for sharing that information with Louis.  “Yeah, I’m working on a few songs at the moment, but some don’t seem to go with the mood I’m trying to go for,” Harry explains.

Louis crosses the room slowly, pulling out a folded up piece of paper from his pocket.  Harry feels his breath catch as Louis stops in front of him.  From this distance he can see the way Louis’ eyes appear mercurial, a swirling mix of blue and green and gold.  He watches as Louis puts the paper on top of Harry’s journal.

“Maybe this will help,” Louis whispers and then quickly makes his way out of the studio without saying another word.

Harry’s confused about what just happened, but he picks up the piece of paper, unfolding it to read its contents.  There’s what look like lyrics written on the page in Louis’ handwriting.  He looks at the top of it to read what the title of the song is.

 

_ Home _

 

*

 

**_Spring 2011_ **

 

_ Harry and Louis are driving, currently stopped at a red light.  Bruno Mars’  _ [ _ Count on Me _ ](https://open.spotify.com/track/7l1qvxWjxcKpB9PCtBuTbU) _ begins to play through the speakers, and Harry can’t help the smile that creeps on his face as he turns to look at Louis who’s already animatedly singing along to the lyrics. _

  
If you ever find yourself stuck in the middle of the sea,

I’ll sail the world to find you

 

_ Harry’s skin prickles at the words Bruno belts out.  Fate must be telling him they’re making the right decision, as the light turns green and they continue on their path towards the tattoo shop. _

_ “You nervous?” Louis asks him, shaking him out of his thoughts. _

_ “Not at all.  You?” He asks. _

_ “Nope,” he replies. _

_ They finally arrive at the shop, and Harry’s stomach suddenly begins to fill with butterflies as they approach the entrance.  He holds onto Louis’ hand to anchor him, feeling instantly comforted by his touch. _

_ They approach the front desk letting the person know they have an appointment.  Their tattoo artist, Sam, greets them, then goes on to show them the sketches he has been working on since their initial appointment a couple of weeks ago. _

_ Harry can’t help but let out a small squeal when he looks at his sketch.  It’s absolutely beautiful.  Sam went above and beyond what Harry had asked for, going hard on the details of the ship Harry had told him he wanted.  It’s so detailed and intricate, that Harry is afraid to touch the sketch not wanting to do anything to mess up the wonderful work Sam did on it. _

_ Harry looks at Louis whose face looks just as amazed at the sketch in front of him.   _

_ “These are sick mate,” Louis tells Sam. _

_ “Thanks, I wanted them to be perfect, so I’m glad you’re happy with ‘em,” he tells them. _

_ “Oh we’re beyond happy with them, can’t wait to get these done,” Harry informs him. _

_ Sam smiles, looking proud of his work, “Alright then, who’s going first?” He asks looking between the two of them. _

_ “I’ll go,” Louis offers.  It’s not their first tattoo experience, but it’s still a big moment in their relationship because it is their first complementary tattoo.   _

_ As Sam sets up his station, Harry kisses Louis on the cheek. _

_ “Are you sure about this?” He asks him for what seems the hundredth time. _

_ “Will you stop worrying Harold?  Yes I’m sure this is what I want.  No matter what happens I’d never regret getting this done, because you’ll always be the most important person in my life,” Louis assures him. _

_ Harry’s cheeks pink at his words and he takes a deep breath, “Okay.  Just know that I won’t be upset if you happen to change your mind at the last minute,” he tells him. _

_ “Nonsense Haz, I’ll never change my mind,” Louis says. _

_ Harry smiles, his dimpled smile, and looks down bashfully at their joined hands.  Sam calls them over to his station letting them know he’s ready for them. _

_ Louis’ tattoo only takes about an hour, as his isn’t as big as Harry’s is going to be. _

_ “All done,” Sam tells him as he wipes the excess ink off Louis’ arm, “Why don’t you walk over to the mirror and take a look at it and see what you think.” _

_ Louis walks over, Harry following closely behind him.  Louis’ smile is so bright, it’s contagious, and Harry’ finds himself smiling just as bright. _

_ “What do you think?” He asks Louis. _

_ “I love it,” Louis says, mesmerized by the ink adorning his skin. _

_ “Can I have a closer look?” Harry asks. _

_ “Of course, baby,” Louis says moving his arm closer to Harry’s view. _

_ Harry looks at Louis’ arm carefully trying his best to not touch it, as tempting as it is.  His tattoo is beautiful.  It’s a compass done in plain black ink, but the detail is so authentic it looks like it's coming out of his arm.  The arrow is so small and complex, and it’s not pointing North, South, East or West.  The arrow is pointing Home. _

_ Harry goes next, and the process isn’t too long.  He’s just as amazed by the work of art on his arm, and couldn’t be happier with the outcome.  After Sam finishes Harry's tattoo and wraps it up they drive back home in silence.  Harry is feeling overwhelmed with the amount of commitment they just permanently inked onto their skin. _

_ “You okay?” Louis finally breaks the silence. _

_ Harry doesn't say anything at first but then says, “I just find it hard to believe that at 20 I've already found someone who I want to get matching tattoos with.” _

_ Louis puts his hand on Harry's thigh while trying to keep his eyes on the road. _

_ “You still don't have any idea how much you mean to me, do you?”   _

_ “What do you mean?” Harry asks. _

_ “What I mean, Harold, is that not only do I want to get matching tattoos with you for the rest of my life, I also want to be your home,” he emphasizes on the last word. _

_ “Home?” _

_ “We are about to spend months apart living in different continents, but do you wanna know why I'm not worried?” _

_ Harry just shakes his head. _

_ “I'm not worried because all of this is just temporary, but you and I?  We are forever.  You are my home, and I'm yours and I don't know about you but I'd like to think that nothing else matters as long as we have each other,” Louis says. _

_ Harry is left dumbfounded.  He'd been so worried about how the distance was going to affect their relationship and here Louis was already sure that they're in it for the long haul.  He doesn't know why he was so nervous to begin with.  He puts his hand on top of Louis’ on his thigh and squeezes it. _

_ “Do you wanna go home?”  Louis asks him. _

_ Harry looks at him and smiles, “I'm already home.” _

 

*

 

“Pour me another one Niall,” Harry demands, extending his empty glass towards his roommate.  Niall looks at it with a raised eyebrow.

“Someone’s thirsty,” he comments, as he prepares Harry another whiskey sour.  “So what’s got you this way?”  Niall asks while stirring the ingredients together in a new glass.

The pub isn’t too packed for a Sunday night, at least the bar is half empty — making Harry happy since no one is sitting on either side of him, which he appreciates.  He keeps throwing his arms on the counter and burying his face in them wanting to hide from the world.  He does just that again, and grunts at himself in response.

Harry hears the glass hitting the counter as Niall places it within his reach and he immediately takes it in his hand and sucks on the red straw.  The tangy goodness makes the inside of his cheeks tingle with the burning sugar-laced amber liquid.  He relaxes visibly as he feels it sliding down his throat and warming his insides.

Niall leans on the counter on his elbows, resting his chin on his fist.  “Let me guess...Louis?”

Harry lets out a long sigh, “He’s just...” he begins, not knowing what exactly he’s trying to say.  Louis seems to have that effect on him always.  “I just didn’t expect him to be the same caring and kind person he was five years ago,” he admits.  

Niall chuckles, “Of course he is, Louis is the best, you know that.”

“Of course I know that Ni, it’s just...it would probably be easier to get over him if he’d turned into a dickhead or summat,” he says, taking another sip of his drink, “But he’s not.  Instead he’s even more gorgeous, and totally and utterly out of my reach.”  His shoulders slump in resignation.  He’s not proud, but he may be whining.  Just a little.

“Oh Haz, don’t be so dramatic,” Niall says while ruffling Harry’s hair, “You and Louis are meant to end up together, I’m sure of it.  It’s just going to take time to find your way back to each other.  Just be patient, trust me.”  Niall has a satisfied grin as if he was a fortune teller, telling Harry exactly what he wants to hear.

“Shut up and pour me another one Ni.”

  
  


*

 

It’s Monday and Louis finds himself dragging all morning.  Every movement and sound seems to be passing by in slow motion and every hour that passes by feels like days.  He can’t be more grateful when it’s finally time for his lunch break.  He enters the teachers’ lounge with heavy limbs and notices Zayn’s shiny head of hair at one of the tables in the back.  

Working at the same school as your best friend has its perks, but at the moment Louis can’t think of any because he’d very much like to just be left alone.  He feels like he’s been on edge for the past few weeks, which just so happens to coincide with the time his ex-boyfriend came back to London for good to ruin pretty much everything Louis had spent years trying to forget.  It’s all just been a lot, and Louis’ emotions have been getting the best of him.  Thankfully Brad hasn’t noticed, at least Louis doesn’t think.  He’s been pretty busy with the play, working long hours, often not seeing each other except for early in the morning when Louis is getting ready for work.

“Well you look like a bag of sunshine,” Zayn deadpans and Louis flicks him off.  He’s not in the mood for Zayn’s sarcastic comments, but he also doesn’t want him to be prodding him with questions Louis will never be ready to answer.

Louis plops himself on the chair next to Zayn and without another word he opens his plastic container with last night’s chicken parmesan leftovers.  He cooks pretty well if he does say so himself, something Harry probably thought would never happen, he absently thinks.  But there was a time in his life after things with Harry went sour where he was doing things to distract himself and keep himself from wanting to call or text Harry or try to crawl back to him.  So, cooking classes was one of the things he did to help him cope with his loss.  He sticks it in the microwave nearby to warm it up before he returns to his place at the table.  Zayn hasn’t said a word the entire time, but Louis knows, just by the raise of his eyebrow and the way his lips are pursed that he wants to say something, and he seriously considers ignoring him.  But Louis is a curious creature and can’t fucking help himself so he relents.

“Alright, out with it, what is it?”  He asks, while he cuts up his chicken into smaller, edible pieces.

Zayn shakes his head, with a smirk, “This wouldn’t have anything to do with Harry being back, would it?” Louis’ a bit taken aback at Zayn’s abruptness because he at least expected him to beat around the bush a little to get it out of Louis, like he usually does.  But Zayn must notice that Louis isn’t up for any bullshit today, which would explain why he’s being so...honest.

Louis splutters, but recovers quickly, snorting instead, “What are you on about?”  He asks, trying his best to seem confused, even though Louis knows exactly where this is going, and he wants nothing to do with it so he’ll stall for as long as he can.  He subtly checks his phone to look at the time--they’ve still got thirty minutes--dammit.

Zayn chuckles, as he crosses his arms and looks at Louis pointedly, his dark caramel eyes are staring daggers into his very soul, and his face heats up.  “Oh come off it Lou, you can’t fool me.  I know you’ve probably been a right mess ever since he stepped foot onto London soil.  And that performance at the pub?” Zayn clicks his tongue, “He might as well have dedicated the song to you mate.”

Louis feels his entire resolve crumbling at Zayn’s words, and he needs to cover his face with his hands, “Oh god, I know.”

“Look, I’ve given you time and space and haven’t brought the topic up, but it’s been weeks now and I see you falling apart before my very eyes.  We’re best friends, Louis, don’t ever forget that you can talk to me about anything and everything and I’ll never judge or make you feel bad about it,” Zayn assures him, placing a hand on his, and even though it’s a small gesture, it means the world to Louis.  He lets out a breath and his shoulders slump, like a weight has been lifted off of them because that’s exactly what he’s needed to hear.

Louis takes a deep breath, and looks at Zayn with guilty eyes, “Harry and I...we almost kissed,” he says, voice small and vulnerable.

Zayn doesn’t show any type of surprised expression, instead he seems empathetic.  He squeezes Louis’ hand rubbing his thumb against his knuckles, “And how do you feel?”  He asks, his voice sounds like a warm cup of tea after being out in the cold all day, warm and comforting.

Louis shakes his head, “I don’t know...All I know is that I’m happy with Brad, and I can’t let that change just because Harry is back.  What should I do Zayn?”  He looks at his best friend with pleading eyes.  At this point he’s willing to listen to anything,  _ anything _ , because right now trying to figure things out on his own hasn’t really been working for him.  Maybe gaining some outside perspective will help.

Zayn sighs, “You want me to be completely honest?”  He asks with a quirked eyebrow.

Louis nods, “Please.”

“I think that Brad has always been...how do I put this?  When you came back from LA, you threw yourself into your job, and you took up a lot of extra curricular activities to help distract you from the whole situation.  I think Brad was part of that as well, and I always felt that he’s been sort of a temporary replacement.  I may be wrong, but you’re just not the same with him as you were with Harry.  Harry always brought out this side of you that I don’t see when you’re with Brad,” Zayn shrugs, “With Brad, it’s more like you’re just passing time, I don’t see that emotional connection--that passion between you.”

Louis covers his face with his hands, “I love Brad, I really do, but Harry and I have known each other since we were teenagers.  Our bond has always been unique.  You can’t expect me to have that same connection with Brad, can you?”  He can’t help but sound defensive, because it’s not fair to Brad, even if Zayn might be on to something.

Zayn shakes his head. “I don’t know, Louis.  Just think about it, yeah?  Do you really think you and Harry will ever get to that place again, just as friends?”

Zayn has a point.  They probably never will.  Even as friends they’re bound to establish some boundaries, do things differently than they used to.  Louis’ got Brad’s feelings to think about and he’d never want to make him feel uncomfortable.  He’s gonna have to find some sort of balance if he wants to keep both men in his life.  At that moment, Louis’ phone buzzes on the table.  It’s from an unknown number.

 

**Hey Lou.  Sorry to bother you, but I just decided to take you up on your offer.  Do you have time to stop by the studio?**

  
  


*

 

**_Spring 2012_ **

 

[ _ I Miss You- Incubus _ ](https://open.spotify.com/track/0ZVorBFSmsJBE0pczFzIvk)

 

_ Uni was kicking Louis’ arse. _

_ He was three finals away from freedom.  Graduation was just around the corner, and he already had a couple of job interviews lined up.  The only thing missing was Harry, and he’d be as happy as ever.  Louis was so happy for Harry and for what he’s doing out in LA, he really is.  But he just misses him so fucking much.  They haven’t talked or skyped in two weeks.  Louis had emailed him a couple of days ago between studying and finals and he’s yet to hear back from him.  This whole long distance thing is so fucking hard.  It’s so hard, but Louis is willing to endure it because he wants nothing but the best for Harry.   _

_ Besides, he’s about to graduate, and Louis has found himself looking at jobs in LA, daydreaming about moving there to be with Harry.  Of course, nothing has actually been set in stone, he hasn’t even talked to Harry or his family about it, but Louis won’t lie and say it’s not something he’s been considering.  He loves Harry so much and is willing to do anything for him, even move across the world just to be with him.   _

_ He really would. _

_ When Louis gets back to his flat, he notices that Liam’s not around.  The first thing he does is check his email, like clockwork, hoping to see if he finally got a response from Harry.  This time he actually did, and he can’t help but smile so wide.  God he misses him.  
_

Hey Lou,

So sorry for the late response, I’ve been absolutely knackered.  I’ve been working 12 hour days at the label and just getting home and crashing.  The good part is I’ve gotten to see lots of good bands!  I can’t wait to tell you all about them.  

I’m so sorry, but it looks like I won’t be able to come to London for your graduation.  Jenkins just won’t let me take time off.  Says he needs me here.  Take lots of pictures for me!

I miss you more than you’ll ever know.

Skype soon?

Love, 

Hxx

 

_ Louis can’t help but feel disillusioned at the very short response, especially after the novel he wrote.  With a long sigh he shuts his laptop and falls onto his bed, staring up at the ceiling.  He’s trying his hardest not to let it get to him, trying to tell himself it won’t be much longer before he’ll get to see Harry again.  But he’s also trying to be realistic.  He hasn’t booked a ticket to see Harry since Christmas, and Harry isn’t planning on coming here any time soon.   _

_ Louis’ phone rings, and he rushes to answer it, hoping it might be Harry sparing a few minutes to call him. _

_ “Hello?” He can’t help the way his voice croaks.  His eyes are filled with unshed tears.  He’s trying so hard to stay strong. _

_ “Love what’s wrong?”  It’s his mum.  And well, his mum has always had a knack at perfect timing.  So he lets it all out. _

_ “I’m just...I just miss Harry a lot mum,” he sniffles, “He just emailed me, he won’t be able to make it for graduation and,” he sighs, “I feel like I’m losing him.” _

_ “Oh darling,” his mother coos, “just hold on baby.  Harry loves you so much, I’m sure things will work themselves out.” _

_ Louis wipes the tears from his eyes with his sleeve, “Yeah, I know, it’s just hard sometimes, you know?” _

_ “I know, but you’ll get through it, I just know it.  Your love...it’s that forever kind of love.  This bump on the road will only make you stronger.” _

_ “Thanks mum,” Louis says, already feeling loads better, “I love you.” _

_ “I love you too sweetie.  Take care of yourself, okay?  And call me if you need anything.” _

_ After talking to his mum, Louis takes a nice long shower to wash his stress away and he clothes himself in his most comfortable sweats and favorite jumper--that belongs to Harry, of course.  He gets to studying for his Biology final when he gets a text.  It’s from Harry. _

 

**_Do you have time to skype right now?_ **

 

_ Louis jumps off from his bed where he’d been studying, and gets on his computer, immediately signing onto skype without even having responded to his boyfriend.  He sees Harry online and calls him instantly. _

_ Harry answers and the picture focuses on him, and well...Harry never ceases to take his breath away, even through a potato web camera. _

_ “Hiii,” Harry waves, his dimples are out and his curls bounce a bit with the gesture. _

_ Louis’ heart warms at that, “Hey love, how are you?” _

_ “I’m good baby.  I miss you!  How are finals going?”  Even though Harry is smiling, Louis can see the tiredness in his eyes, the darkish grey smudges beneath them.   _

_ “To be honest, they’d be a lot more bearable if you were here.  There’s no one around to bribe me with blowies if I finish my studies,” he winks at the camera. _

_ That gets a giggle out of Harry, and Louis’ day just got ten times better.  The sound of Harry’s ringtone interrupts their conversation and Harry’s face falls when he checks his phone. _

_ “Oh fuck...I’m sorry Lou, I’ve gotta go.  Jenkins needs me.  I’ll text you later?”   _

_ Louis tries not to look too disappointed, he nods, “Yeah, no problem, love.  Take care, okay?” _

_ And with that, their conversation is over.  Louis stares at the blank screen long after Harry signs off.  Louis eventually manages to push himself off of his desk, and in the process accidentally knocks over his silk red rose on the floor.  He puts the rose back and sits back at the desk, deciding to open the web browser to book himself a ticket to LA. _

 


	4. Chapter 4

 

Louis can’t get his heart to stop racing as he approaches the studio on Saturday morning.  He honestly didn’t really think Harry would take him up on his offer to help him with his music.  Even when they were younger, Harry was always super private about about his songwriting.  Louis was lucky if he ever even got a glimpse of anything Harry might have been working on.  Harry would blush furiously and quickly close his journal and tuck it away somewhere.  Louis would never try to force it, he never wanted to make Harry feel uncomfortable about his art.  Instead, he’d suggest they play some covers, and at one point Louis himself recorded a cover of The Fray’s “Look After You” which they’d even uploaded to Youtube.  They used to have a lot of fun working on music together, and Louis was going to try his best to bring some of that to the studio today, despite his nerves.

He knocks on the door, even though Harry had texted him that he’d leave it unlocked.  Louis feels like he’s in Harry’s territory and doesn’t want to make him feel uncomfortable.  They were really going to try being _just friends_ again, and that included, for Louis, setting up boundaries between them that they’d so easily cross all those years ago.  The door swings open, with a doe eyed Harry smiling at him.  Louis is surprised to find that Harry actually looks genuinely happy to see him, and not really nervous or standoffish like he’d expected.  It almost feels like stepping into the past, when it was just the two of them.  Harry and Louis.

“Hey Lou,” Harry greets him as he steps aside to let him in.

“Hi.”

It seems that Harry is alone at the studio, which makes Louis’ insides tremble nervously.  He doesn’t know why, but he expected at least one of the other lads to be tagging along with them, figuring that’s what Harry would want.  Louis takes a deep breath.

“So where should we start?” Louis inquires, wanting to get over this awkward sort of vibe they have going on.  He just wants to break the ice and get to the point where they are both more comfortable in each other’s presence.

Harry runs his hand through his hair, which is his nervous habit, and looks around the small space.  “Um, well I was waiting on you so we could work on the song you left the other day?  I didn’t want to do anything to it without you.”

“What? Why?” Louis asks confused, his face heats up in the process.

Harry smiles, “It’s your song Lou, I think you should be the one to help me with it.  The lyrics are already perfect.”  Harry’s eyes shift to the floor, and he takes his bottom lip between his teeth.  Louis isn’t sure how long he can survive in such a confined space.  Alone.  With _Harry_.  And those lips.  Fuck.

Louis blushes and shrugs, “It’s just something I threw together, no big deal.”  But it was a big deal.  It was probably one of the most important things Louis has ever created, but there’s no way he can tell Harry that, especially now.

Harry’s face looks like he doesn’t believe Louis, but he doesn’t say anything else about it.  Instead they get to work.  Harry shows Louis some ideas he has for chord progressions and melodies for the song.  Louis loves them all, and it’s hard to settle on one.  

Harry is so fucking talented, and being in the studio with him, in his element, getting to work on the music he loves, it’s mesmerizing.  Louis could watch him do it all day, every day.  He loves the way Harry’s brain works, how he gets from one idea to the other.  How a simple word can prompt him to come up with the most beautiful sounds, how a faint sound can help him write the most beautiful lyrics.  Louis is truly amazed.

After a few hours of working, Harry looks at his watch.  “Want to take a break and go to lunch?”  He looks at Louis with those hopeful green eyes that he just can’t say no to.

“Sure.”

They decide to go to the small cafe around the corner.  Harry orders a chicken wrap with sweet potato chips and a tea and Louis decides to go for the tuna sandwich and salt and vinegar crisps with tea.  They collect their orders and sit at a table by the window in the back corner of the cafe.  The streets are pretty mellow for a Saturday afternoon, and Harry and Louis eat in comfortable silence.

Louis takes a bite of his sandwich and his eyes shift to Harry, “So how are you settling back in London?  It it weird being back?”  

Harry pops a chip into his mouth and shakes his head, “Not really.  I mean, the jetlag was a bitch at first.  But to be honest it doesn’t feel too different, other than the obvious driving on the other side of the road thing,” he laughs. “I’ve almost gotten hit a couple of times by cars because I forget the traffic is on the opposite direction.”

They both giggle at Harry’s misfortune, “Did your mum not teach you to look both ways before you cross the street, Haz?”

“Hey,” Harry whines.

Louis swallows his food, “Speaking of...Have you gotten a chance to visit your family yet?”

Harry’s smile falls, he looks down at his plate and shakes his head in shame, “No, not yet.  Wanted to wait until I didn’t feel so…”  He shrugs.

“Oh Harry, no,” Louis reaches over the table to place his hand on Harry’s.  “Your mum is going to be so happy to see you.  Trust me, she will never think you’ve failed.  Never.”  He looks into Harry’s eyes to convey his sincerity.

Harry’s face flushes a rosy pink, “Still.  I just...don’t feel ready yet.  I feel like I want to accomplish something first before I visit her, to show her my life hasn’t gone to complete shit, you know?”

Louis rolls his eyes fondly, “Oh Harry.”  He pats Harry on the head.  “You’re a strange little froggy prince.”

Harry pouts and throws a chip in Louis’ direction.  It feels nice.  Being like this with Harry.  For a moment Louis can almost imagine that nothing has changed between them, that they’re still happy together, and so in love.

 

*

  


The night Harry’s been waiting for is finally here.  He’s about to perform in front of complete strangers, and also his best friends.  And _Louis._ Just the thought of that makes him feel sick.  He hasn’t performed in front of a crowd in years.  In LA, he hardly had time to sleep due to his crazy work schedule, let alone to perform or even work on his music.  Harry doesn’t want to dwell on the past now, though.  Right now, he’s just trying not to throw up.  His set is going to be short, just a few songs, but it’s still a big deal to Harry because he’s heard that music executives are known to come to these types of gigs and look for talent, which is only making his nerves intensify.

Taking one last look in the mirror, and mentally preparing himself for the night ahead, Harry exits the loo of the pub.  People are beginning to trickle into the seating area, which isn’t too big.  There’s chairs and tables throughout, the ambiance is dark with candles being the only source of light apart from the lights that brighten up the stage.  Harry makes his way to the table he’d made sure to reserve for his friends.

“There he is!”  Harry hears Niall before he turns around and sees his best friend approaching their table, with Liam and Zayn in tow.

“Hey Nialler,” Harry hugs him as well as the others.  Liam and Zayn look so bright and happy, which seems a bit odd to him because he wouldn’t think they’d be this excited to see him perform.

They all sit down and order a round of pints.

“Where’s Louis?” Liam asks.

“He said he’d be here once Brad got home from work,” Harry informs them.  

The boys all look at each other, but don’t say anything.  Harry understands why it would be weird that Harry would know this, but for the past few weeks he and Louis have been trying hard to make it work as friends. Surprisingly, it hasn’t been as difficult as he thought it’d be.  Harry had texted Louis to have him help on the arrangement for Louis’ own song.  Harry figured it was only fair, and it would be a great opportunity to test out the waters between them, especially having the music as their buffer so that they wouldn’t have too many awkward moments.  After a few awkward initial exchanges things just sort of fell into place.  Music is what really made it work though, because it was sort of what broke the ice, building a foundation into their new and improved friendship.  

Things definitely aren’t the way they used to be, and Harry wouldn’t have expected them to, but they’re making it work.  Harry would want to have Louis in his life any way that he can, even if that means just being friends.  He can’t say that he doesn’t miss Louis with every fiber of his being — but he can say it doesn’t hurt as much to be close to him, to hear him talk or see him smile.  And that’s something.

“Well I hope they get here soon,” Zayn says looking down at his watch.  He and Liam seem a bit fidgety, and they keep looking towards the pub entrance.

The waitress approaches their table with their drinks, and Niall proposes a toast for Harry, which makes him blush because he can’t help it.

“There they are!” Liam gestures towards the front door, where Louis and Brad--his hand attached to Louis’--are approaching their table.

“Hello,” Louis greets, and Brad waves as they take the last two empty chairs by their table.

Harry nods in response, and he excuses himself to go to the bar.  He has a feeling he’s going to need something a bit stronger than beer to get through tonight.  His shoulders are tense and his heart’s been racing, he takes a few calming breaths on his way.

“What can I getcha?” The barman asks, slinging a cleaning rag over his shoulder.

“Um, can I get a Jack and coke please.”

“Comin’ right up.”

As the bartender gets to work on Harry’s drink, someone sidles up next to Harry.  

It’s Brad.

“Hey,” Brad says, timidly as if he’s walking on eggshells around Harry or something.  Which, Harry doesn’t feel like he’s given Brad any reason to think that he’s got any ill feelings towards him.  Of course, he’d prefer Louis to be single, and yeah maybe every time he sees him with Brad he feels like his heart is being stomped on, but that’s not Brad’s fault.  Harry’s never felt any animosity towards him.

“Hey,” Harry nods, “Whatcha drinking?”

Brad’s shoulders visibly relax and he smiles, “I’m not here to order a drink, I actually came over to talk to you.”

And _oh_.

Harry scrunches his eyebrows, a slow feel of confusion settling in his stomach.  “Okay?  What’s up?”  The bartender brings his drink over and asks Brad if he wants anything, then leaves them alone after Brad declines.

Brad looks down at his hands for a moment before he looks back at Harry, “I just wanted to tell you that I’ve got no hard feelings towards you or anything.  I know that it’s typical for a person to automatically dislike their boyfriend’s ex, but I don’t.  I actually hope we can be friends.  I know you and Louis are friends now, and I just wanted to extend my friendship as well.  If you’d like.”  Brad’s voice is a bit shaky, and Harry can tell that he’s nervous, as if Harry’s going to bite his head off or something.

Harry has no intentions of doing such a thing, but he will admit that he feels a bit weird.  It’s already hard enough for him trying to be friends with Louis, but now, Brad is offering his friendship, and...Harry is a very friendly person, he makes friends everywhere he goes, but being friends with his ex-boyfriend’s current boyfriend?  Harry’s not sure he’s strong enough for that.  He doesn’t want to be rude either, though.

He smiles tightly, “Thank you Brad.  You’re very kind,” is all he can manage to say, because he’s still a bit flummoxed at this whole situation.

Brad flashes a satisfied grin, “Thanks.  Hey, and good luck tonight.  I’m looking forward to hearing you play.”

Harry raises his glass, “Cheers,” he says as he gulps down most of his drink in one swig.  Brad excuses himself to join the rest of the lads, and Harry can’t help but roll his eyes when he looks away.  

Seriously?  Who is this guy?

Liam waves Harry over to the table, so he forces himself to walk over, even though he feels like he may need another drink, or five.  Instead of sitting, though, he stands behind Niall.

“What’s up?”

“We just wanted to get everyone together because Zayn and I have an announcement to make,” Liam tells the group, and there’s that really big cheesy smile again.  Suddenly Harry thinks it has nothing to do with his impending performance.

“What is it?” Louis asks.

Liam and Zayn took at each other before Liam blurts out, “We’re engaged!”

There’s a moment of silence before Niall jumps up and shouts, “Congratulations!” He instantly embraces them both into a group hug, and Harry can’t help but shoot Louis a quick glance to already find him staring at him.  And it’s too much, so he looks away immediately.

Once Niall has let the happy couple go, Harry embraces them, “Congratulations,” he nearly whispers as he kisses them both on the cheek, “I’m so happy for you guys.”  It’s not a lie.  Harry is genuinely happy for his best friends, but at the same time he can’t be blamed for thinking that maybe if he’d made different decisions in the past, he might already be married.  To Louis.  

“Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go freshen up before the show begins,” he tells them.  Really, it’s just an excuse, because he feels that he needs a moment alone, to keep himself together...because it’s a lot hearing that your best friends are engaged — while standing next to the man that you could have had the same kind of happiness with.

Instead of heading back to the loo though, he decides to get some fresh air outside, and he’s thankful that he did as soon as the cool wind hits his face and makes its way inside his lungs like a cold shower on a hot day.  He dabs away the few tears that managed to get out and he just leans against the brick wall of the pub, staring up at the sky.  It’s already dark out, but being that they’re in the city, there are no stars in sight, which for a moment reminds Harry of Holmes Chapel, where the stars glow so bright.  Guilt instantly takes over him, though, thinking about how he’s still not made it over there to visit his family.  He’d finally gained the courage to call his mum and let her know he was back after his talk with Louis, but not enough to actually pay her a visit.  Not yet.

The smell of cigarette smoke distracts Harry from his thoughts and he notices a body standing a couple of feet away from him.  Louis is leaning against the wall, one hand in his denim jacket and the other holding the cigarette between his fingers as he takes a drag, slowly letting the smoke out.  Harry’s not the biggest fan of smoking, but there’s just something about the way Louis does it that makes it look sexy as hell.  Louis makes everything look sexy.

“I didn’t know you smoked,” Harry comments, deciding to break the silence since it didn’t seem like Louis was planning on it.

Louis shrugs and doesn’t say anything at first, but after he finishes his cigarette, drops it to the ground and puts it out with his foot he looks at Harry, wearing an expression on his face Harry can’t quite describe.  “There’s a lot of things you don’t know about me, curly.”  It’s not mean, more matter-of-fact, but it still cuts through him

Harry’s cheeks heat up at the nickname.  “Yeah, I know.”  He tries his best not to sound bitter, but he doesn’t think he’s succeeded.  Louis just snorts in response.

“Are you nervous about tonight?”  Louis asks.

Harry sighs, happy to be on more neutral, safe, ground.  “More than I’m willing to admit,” he says, gaze still towards the sky.

Suddenly, Louis moves in front of him, mere inches away from him, Harry can feel his hot breath against his skin, just like that time they almost kissed.  Harry swallows hard and tries not to show how much that proximity affects him, how much Louis affects him.

“Harry look at me,” Louis says in a tone that leaves no room to argue. So Harry does.  He looks at him, and even in the night sky, Harry can see the blue in Louis’ eyes.  Louis places his hands on Harry’s shoulders, grips onto them tightly.  “You’re going to be great out there. _I_ know it, _the lads_ know it.  If it gets to be too much, just...I don’t know..picture the audience in their underwear or something to help your nerves,” Louis smirks.

Harry has to laugh at that, “Oh my god, Lou,” and Louis is still so close to him.  Harry wants to nuzzle his cheek, but he doesn’t.

“There’s that smile,” Louis says, still staring at him in such a way, that Harry finds himself having to look away, suddenly finding his feet more interesting.  “Now let’s go, the show’s about to start.”  Louis takes a few steps back, and Harry feels like he can finally breathe, so he does, he takes slow even breaths.  His nerves have calmed down, and as they make their way back into the pub, Harry feels ready, as ready as he’ll ever be.

 

*

 

The pub is so full of people Louis is glad they got a table when they did because there’s a crowd just standing in the back, trying to catch a glimpse of the performances.  He doesn’t think any of the lads--including Harry--had any idea how big the turnouts are for these types of shows.  Louis is happy that this many people are going to get to see Harry showcase his songs.  

Louis is nervous.  Not for Harry, but he’d be naive to think that none of the songs Harry will be performing have anything to do with him.  He’d be completely wrong.  He’s not just nervous to hear the songs, but he’s anxious to see how Brad reacts to them.  Or if he even reacts to them.  Brad has been supportive about his and Harry’s friendship, but he’s not sure how his current boyfriend will react to his ex-boyfriend singing about Louis.

So far they’ve sat through three performers, which have been pretty good.  One was a woman with her accordion, singing Lady Gaga covers, and she actually did an amazing job to Louis’ and everyone else’s surprise.  Another performance was by a cello duo that did some heavy metal covers.  So far no one has performed any original songs, but the performances haven’t been boring at all.  Harry had gone backstage about half an hour ago to get ready for his set after the next performer.  Louis’ stomach flutters throughout the next set, he can’t help it.

Before he knows it, he’s shaken out of his thoughts by applause, apparently the artist just finished their set and Louis wouldn’t be able to say what songs they did.  He’d been too busy fidgeting in anxious anticipation, his heart beating loudly in his ears.

Greg, the host for the night comes up to the stage with his mic in hand, “Next, we have Harry Styles,” he announces and Louis’ table cheers loudly.  They couldn’t care less at the stares they get because of it.  Louis can’t help but glance over at Brad who’s clapping, but other than that he isn’t really giving much else away.

Harry appears on stage with his guitar strapped in front of him.  He takes a seat on the stool provided, and surprisingly he looks calm and collected.  He plays a few chords to warm up, before he adjusts the mic stand in front of him.  Louis wonders if he’s got the good luck charm he gave him for this performance.

“Hello everyone, I’m Harry,” he clears his throat, “I hope you’re all enjoying your evening.  The first song I’ll be singing for you tonight is called [Once in a Lifetime](https://open.spotify.com/track/1dD1aarWotVIiFo5gGdMc2).”

Harry closes his eyes, and begins to strum his guitar, he looks so peaceful, so serene.  And when he starts to sing, everyone just _listens_.  It’s so quiet, all that can be heard is Harry’s raspy voice, sliding through the crowd like raw silk.  It sounds so beautiful, all of his emotions transferring into his voice.

 

_When I close my eyes_

_All the stars align_

_And you are by my side_

_You are by my side_

 

Louis thinks the words Harry sings are stunning.  He doesn’t even want to let his mind wander into what the song might mean, or what it might be about, he can’t let himself go there.  He just basks in the lovely melody, like bathing in sunlight, where Harry’s words warm his heart to the core.  The song ends, and the silence breaks with applause, Harry smiles bright and dimply.

“Thank you,” he says as he leans down to grab the water bottle that’s by his feet, he takes a swig of it before he puts it back down.  “The next song I’m going to play for you,” he strums a few notes, “I wrote it while I was in LA, and I was homesick.  I was missing what I loved most,” his voice drifts off a bit, “Anyway, here’s [If I Could Fly](https://open.spotify.com/track/5CRVwXGikmqzoRO6q7FeAg).”

Louis takes a deep breath, as if he’s bracing himself for impact, already knowing this song is going to feel like a punch in the gut.  He tentatively glances over at Brad and the lads, and all their attention is on the stage.

  


_If I could fly, I’d be coming right back home to you_

_I think I might give up everything just ask me to_

_Pay attention I hope that you listen, cause I’ve let my guard down_

_Right now I’m completely defenseless_

 

_For your eyes only, I show you my heart_

_For when you’re lonely and forget who you are_

_I’m missing half of me, when we’re apart_

_Now you know me, for your eyes only_

 

Louis’ throat tightens, his eyes are threatening to fill with tears because this song is a lot.  He thinks that maybe he should have asked Harry about the songs beforehand so that he could have prepared himself more — even though he’s sure he’d still feel like the air had been knocked out of him.  As Harry continues to sing, Louis’ mind gets flooded with memories filled with long distance skype calls, unanswered emails, and their painful goodbye.  He’s lost in the feeling of what they lost, and what he still mourns for, to this very day.

The audience applause brings Louis back to reality, and when Louis looks at Harry, his cheeks look flushed, like maybe that song had taken a toll on him too.

“Thank you,” he tells the audience.  “Now for my final song.  This is a song written by a friend of mine who was kind enough to let me sing it for you today.  It’s a song about love.”

When Harry starts the first chords of the song, Louis’ heart beats harder against his chest, and his stomach drops. This is _his_ song.  This is the song he gave to Harry.  Louis didn’t know the song was ready for Harry to perform, so this is a surprise.  Good or bad, Louis isn’t quite sure about that just yet, so he sits on the edge of his seat, waiting to hear the finished product.

 

_So many nights I thought it over_

_Told myself I kind of liked her_

_But there was something missing in her eyes_

 

Louis has never talked to anyone, not even Harry, about the meaning of this song before.  He’d let Harry come up with his own conclusions about it, but he never actually sat down and explained to him what it was about.

 

_Still high with a little feeling_

_I see the smile as it starts to creep in_

_It was there I saw it in your eyes_

  


**_Winter 2007_ **

_[Home- One Direction ](https://open.spotify.com/track/0uZzdkuzJEjFzaRR2HQ5mj) _

_  
Louis was exhausted.  His footie coach was taking no mercy on their team lately, being as they were in the semi-finals.  Being the captain of the team, Louis felt even more pressure on him, needing to make sure his team was in good shape and doing well in practices. _

_He was glad to finally be going home, and as soon as he walked out of the locker room he heard his name._

_“Louis!”_

_Louis couldn’t help but roll his eyes, before turning around, “Hey Hannah,” he tried his best not to sound annoyed._

_“How was practice?” She asked as she leaned in to peck him on the lips.  It took everything it had in him not to wipe it off.  He wasn’t trying to be a dick, he really wasn’t.  He’d just been wanting to break up with Hannah for the past few days, but he just hasn’t been able to actually do it._

_“It was good, heading home now,” he informs her._

_Hannah, not being able to take a hint, or maybe choosing to ignore Louis’ tone continues, “Want to hang out later?  My mum’s going to be gone and I’ll have the house to myself, if you wanted to come over and watch a film or summat.”_

_This is it.  This is Louis’ chance to finally just be honest with her, break things off and stop feeling like he’s just stringing her along.  He didn’t mean to, he’s just been going through a lot of changes lately, and he doesn’t want Hannah to get hurt.  He stops to look at her in the eye, to try his best to be as honest as he can._

_“Look Hannah, we need to talk.”_

_She looks at him expectantly with a smile on her face, “What is it Louis?”_

_Louis takes a deep breath, “I don’t think we should be together anymore.”  He feels like he just ripped off a plaster, he raises his eyebrow to try to gauge Hannah’s reaction._

_Hannah’s smile drops, “W-what?  Why?  Did I do something wrong?”  Her eyes look hurt, and Louis hates himself already for putting her through this, however, he thinks it’s better than the alternative._

_He shakes his head, “No! No, it’s nothing you’ve done, I’ve just…”  He can’t tell her the complete truth, since Louis himself doesn’t even know yet.  He’s still really confused about a lot of things, and if he even tells Hannah about his confusion, she’ll just think he’s making shit up to break up with her.  He sighs, deciding to go for something else, “I’m just getting so busy with school work, and the team.  It’s my last year before uni and I’ve just got a lot on my plate right now.  I can’t handle being in a relationship, it’s just not the right time for me with everything that I’ve got going on.”  Technically it isn’t a complete lie, but he hopes she accepts it._

_Hannah sighs, nodding, “I understand.”  Louis is so grateful.  He shouldn’t have been so worried since Hannah was one of his best friends before they tried dating, after all._

_Louis hugs her and kisses her on the cheek, “Thanks love.  Please know that I’m still here as a friend, whenever you need to, okay?”_

_“Of course,” she says, “Never doubted it,” she smiles at him, weakly, but it’s a smile just the same.  Louis puts his arm around her and walks her home, before he gets to his own house.  They fall into easy conversation and Louis finds himself feeling more and more relieved with every step he takes closer to home._

_When he gets home he greets his mum and siblings before he heads up the stairs to his room in dire need of a shower and some fresh clothes.  When he enters, he closes the door and drops his bag on the floor.  When he walks towards his wardrobe to pick out clothes he stops.  On his bed, under his duvet, is a lump in the shape of his best friend, with a head of curls sticking out of it._

_“There’s a Harry on my bed,” he says as he hops on the bed on top of him._

_Harry squeals, “Get off me you wanker!”_

_Louis giggles and moves to his friend’s side, “How long have you been here, and who let you into my room?”_

_Harry turns around to face him and smiles, dimple out, “Your mum said I could wait for you here.”_

_“Hmm she must have forgotten you were here, she didn’t tell me a thing.”_

_Harry just shrugs, “How was practice?”_

_“It was good.  Tiring as hell but good,” he says, getting lost in his own thoughts.  He notices Harry’s green eyes, they sparkle like bright emeralds, and the way his best friend always looks at him makes his stomach flutter.  A lot.  Louis puts his finger into his dimple and Harry slaps his hand away._

_“You smell like sweat, and man.  Smelly man,” Harry points out, scrunching his nose._

_“Well I was going to shower, until I noticed you were here,” Louis says._

_Louis rolls his eyes fondly, “Oh piss off.”_

_Harry cackles in response.  “So have you got any plans tonight?”_

_Harry is looking at him with hopeful eyes, and there’s something that Louis had been questioning for weeks now.  Something he’d like to, maybe, explore further.  But he’s not really sure how to go about it without having it explode in his face if it goes wrong._

_He decides to try something, “Hannah invited me over to her house, said she was going to be alone for the evening.”  As soon as he says Hannah’s name, that hope Harry had in his eyes is gone, and it turns into something Louis can’t quite put his finger on._

_The smile Harry had fades away, “Oh, ok.”  He avoids looking at Louis, and Louis--not for the first time--wonders why.  “Well, I guess I’ll let you get ready, and leave you to it.  I’ll just call Niall and see what he’s up to.”_

_Harry makes a move to get out of the bed, but Louis stops him.  He grabs Harry’s arm.  Harry turns to look at him, but Louis doesn’t say anything at first._

_“I didn’t say I was going to go,” Louis says._

_Harry’s eyebrows furrow in confusion, “I thought that was implied?”_

_“Actually, I broke things off with her after footie practice,” he tells Harry.  Harry’s eyes brighten up, trying, but failing to look concerned._

_“Oh no, are you okay?”_

_Louis can’t help but laugh, “I’m sure I’ll survive.”_

_Harry slaps his arm, “Don’t be a dickhead.”_

_Louis’ taunts, “Oh I’ll show you who’s a dickhead.”  And he begins to tickle Harry.  Louis starts with his neck, already knowing that’s his weak spot, and he takes advantage of that weakness to gain the power and straddle him, working his fingers to Harry’s armpits and then his belly._

_“Oh my god!  Louis stop!” Harry squeals in laughter, his body shakes with every tickle Louis gives him.  But Louis doesn’t stop, until Harry grabs both of his wrists, and Harry looks at him, his eyes are dark, and Louis thinks he feels Harry’s erection beneath his bum.  “Stop,” he breathes, and this time it almost sounds like a moan._

_Unless Louis is just imagining things._

_They stare at each other for what feels like hours, but it’s probably just a few seconds.  And then, all bets are off, and they’re both surging forward.  Harry lets go of Louis’ arms to grab Louis’ face, and their lips land on each other, hot and messy.  This isn’t Louis’ first kiss, far from it, but it’s his first kiss with a boy, with Harry.  But he’s never in his life had a kiss like this, one with so much heat, so much of everything.  His entire body tingles, as their lips move against each other.  Louis licks into Harry’s mouth, making him moan so prettily.  They pull away to catch their breaths, their faces are still very close to each other, their eyes look intently at the other, Harry’s asking a silent question.  Louis just nods.  And then they’re back at it.  Kissing slowly this time, wanting to take their time, taste every inch of each other._

_Harry pulls away again, “Louis what are we doing?” he whispers, almost as if he’s afraid to know the answer._

_Louis is almost tempted to state the obvious, but he knows this is not something they should be joking about, this conversation, it’s life changing for the both of them and Louis doesn’t want to fuck things up._

_“For the past few weeks I…” Louis sighs, still trying to catch his breath, “I’ve just really been wanting to kiss you.”_

_Harry smiles, so bright and happy, reaching up to cup Louis’ cheek, “Really?”_

_Louis nods, leaning into Harry’s touch.  Harry’s eyes are dark and his lips are wet and such a lovely shade of pink.  He’s so, so pretty and everything Louis thinks he’s ever wanted._

_Harry sighs in relief, “Fuck.  Thank god.  I’ve been dying to get my mouth on you,” he says, and then he goes in again.  With the way Harry is kissing him, Louis doesn’t need more explanation than that right now._

 

*

 

Sunday finds Harry having an early shift at the bakery.  Hilda had insisted he take the day off so he could recover from his big night, but Harry refused.  He got home around midnight the night before, and he wasn’t planning on going to the studio today, so he figured he could just take a nap after he gets off work.  Right before his shift was about to end he gets a text from Niall.

 

**Come home as soon as you’re off work!**

 

Worried, Harry rushes home as soon as his shift is over.  He hastily unlocks the door and finds Niall on his computer.

“Hey, what happened?”  Harry asks as soon as he enters their flat.

Niall looks up, his eyes are wide, “Haz, come look at this!  You’ve become a viral sensation!”

And what?  Harry haphazardly throws his things on the floor and rushes over to Niall to see what he’s on about.  He’s got youtube open on his laptop, and it’s Harry performing ‘Home’.

“Someone posted a video of you performing ‘Home’ last night.  It’s got over 5 million views!”

Harry’s jaw drops, “Are you serious?”  He plops down next to Niall to take a better look.  And yes, the number under the video states over 5 million views.  “Oh my god!  That’s crazy!”

“Innit?”

They scroll through the comments together, and overall, they’re good.  There’s definitely some mean ones, but Harry doesn’t let it get to him.  Some of his favorite comments include:

_I love the lyrics of the song the most_

 

_Definitely my LGBTQ anthem of the year!_

 

_Where can I buy this?  I need this song in my ipod yesterday_

 

There’s many more lovely comments to that effect and Harry feels like his heart is about to burst with how happy he is.  He’s speechless.

“I have to tell the lads!” Niall exclaims as he fetches his phone, no doubt sending a group chat to the others about the good news.

A few hours later, they’re all gathered at the pub Niall works at.  Niall gets them all a round, and they toast to Harry’s accomplishment.

Harry blushes, “The video just has a lot of views, it doesn’t mean I’ve got a record deal or anything.”

“Nonsense, Haz.  This is a huge deal!  Millions of people are listening to your music, that’s a big deal!”  Niall insists. Yeah, okay, the Irish one’s got a point.

They order some food, and just hang out.  Brad isn’t around because he’s working late, which to be honest, Harry is relieved to hear.  This is the type of moment he’d like to celebrate with his closest friends, and as much as Brad would like to be friends, Harry still doesn’t feel like he can be himself around him.  Who knows, maybe with time, but right now, he just can’t.

“I’ll go get us the next round,” Harry offers as he saunters over to the bar and orders them all shots.

Harry notices the barman throwing him glances, and he smiles in return.  He’s pretty cute, he thinks.  He’s having a good night, and a little flirting never hurt anyone.  

“Are those your friends over there?”  The barman asks, nodding towards the table Harry just came from.

Harry nods, “Yep, just a night out with my mates.”

The barman finishes filling up the shots and places the small tray on the counter, “So...your boyfriend isn’t over there?”

Harry’s face heats up, “Nope, no boyfriend,” he grins.

The barman licks his lips, and okay, so he really is putting the moves on Harry.  “Good,” he says, confident, but not in a cocky way, “Maybe I can take you out sometime?”  he looks at Harry with an eyebrow raised, waiting for his response.

Harry thinks about it for a moment.  Dating has been the last thing on his mind since he’d arrived, but he thinks that it wouldn’t be a bad thing to try.  He is young and not bad to look at after all, and he deserves to be wined and dined, just like anyone else.  Fuck it, he thinks.

“I’d love that.”

The barman takes one of the cocktail napkins from the pile next to the cherries and jots what Harry assumes is his number, and hopefully a name.  When he’s done he hands it over to Harry.

“Call me,” he tells Harry.  Harry looks down at the napkin and sure enough, a number and his name is written on it.

Harry smirks, “I sure will, Fabian.”  He sticks the napkin in his pocket, and grabs the tray and makes sure to sway his hips on his way back to his table, knowing full well that Fabian is watching his retreating figure.  God, it’s been so long since Harry’s even looked at another guy, it feels _good_ to feel wanted.  

“About time, Haz, I’m getting thirsty over here,” Louis teases as they all take one of the shots provided.

“Sorry, I got a bit...distracted,” Harry chuckles.

“Wait a minute...why are you smiling all dopey like that?  Did you just pull someone?” Niall asks--after a few drinks he always seems to lose his  brain-to-mouth filter.

All eyes are on Harry now, and he can’t help but get flustered, because it’s a lot of attention for one guy to get in one day, between this and the success of his performance.  Harry lets out a breath, “If you must know, Nialler, I just got asked out by the barman.”

“Who, Fabian?”  

Harry takes the napkin out, “He gave me his number, asked if I’d like to go out, you know.”  He feels kind of weird telling his friends about this, mostly having Louis around to hear it.  It feels sort of wrong.  But then Harry has to remind himself that Louis isn’t his boyfriend anymore, and Louis probably couldn’t care less about who he goes out with--even though there might be a tiny part of him that wants Louis to feel jealous but he’d never admit that.  Besides, Louis has _Brad_.

Liam whistles, “Good going Haz, he’s cute too!”

“Thank god he asked you out Harry, because Liam over here was getting ready to put him on his list,” Zayn points out.

“List?” Harry asks.

Liam and Zayn look at each other and laugh, “You know, the list of people you’re allowed to sleep with.  There’s only five people allowed on the list and it can be celebrities or people but you only get five and the other has to approve, and can’t get mad.”

“You can’t be serious?”  Louis asks.

Zayn shrugs, “We haven’t acted on it or anything, it’s mostly just for fun, but I guess if either of us really wanted to…”

They all laugh, and toast before they swallow their shots.

“So are you going to call him?”  Louis asks, his face is serious, eyes stern.

Harry finds himself looking down at his hands to avoid Louis’ stare, “Yeah, I think I am.”

Louis doesn’t say anything in return, and when Harry finally looks at him, he’s just staring into the distance drinking from his beer.  His face isn’t really showing much, which, Harry hasn’t been able to read Louis in so long, it’s no surprise.  So they continue on with their night, as Niall changes the subject to talk about some hot girl he saw the other day, and how he regrets not having gotten her number.

Liam and Zayn are the first to leave the group, claiming they’ve got an early morning.  Harry figured Louis would be leaving too, since he works with Zayn, but he stays put.  Niall and Louis get into a heated discussion about football, which Harry honestly couldn’t care less about so he decides to join his new friend, Fabian, up at the bar.  

This time he orders himself a water, as he doesn’t want to come off as a sloppy drunk or anything.  He’s blissfully buzzed and doesn’t want to get anywhere past that point or else he’ll probably scare Fabian off for good.

“Busy night?”  Harry tries to make conversation.

Fabian smirks, “Nothing I can’t handle.”  He puts a hand on his hip, and Harry notices that Fabian is built.  Like _really_ built.  His biceps are round and meaty, and strain against the tight black shirt he’s wearing, and it’s _hot_.  Fabian runs his fingers through his slicked black hair, as if to show off said arms, and Harry bites his bottom lip.  “Are you okay there?  You seem a bit...flushed.”

Harry giggles and he’s embarrassed that it comes out all high pitched, so he clears his throat, “I’m swell, thanks,” he says.

“So, are you ever going to tell me your name, or is this going to be one of those ‘don’t tell me your name so I can forget you in the morning’ type things?  Because if that’s the case, I’m screwed since I already wrote my name down on that napkin,” Fabian points out.

Harry nearly spits out his water, “No, no sorry!  I’m Harry,” he chuckles, “Sorry, I’m not very good at this...whatever this is.”  He points between them.

“At conversation?”

“No, no...just...flirting?  Just haven’t been on the dating scene in a really long time.”

Fabian nods, “I see, well...we’re going to have to fix that.”

As Harry is about to respond he feels an arm wrap around his waist possessively.   _Louis._  Which, okay?  Louis hasn’t touched him like this in years.  “Niall’s left, you ready to head out?”  Louis asks Harry, and he’s looking him in the eyes, not even acknowledging Fabian.

Harry pulls away, “Um, actually, I think I’m gonna stay a bit longer...so, um, goodnight,” he says turning his head back to Fabian.

Louis shakes his head, and leans into Harry’s ear, “He’s not good enough for you,” he whispers before walking away, leaving Harry stunned.  

And no.  No fucking way.

Harry stands up from his stool, “Sorry, Fabian, I’ve got to go,” he rushes out as he turns around to try to catch up to Louis.  Thankfully, Harry’s got long legs, and it doesn’t take long for him to reach him.  He exits the pub, and Louis is trying to wave a cab over.  “Hey!”

Louis startles and turns around, his face scrunched up in confusion.

“Don’t do that!”  Harry exclaims.

“Do what?” Louis asks, as if nothing just happened.  As if Louis didn’t just try to interfere between Harry and Fabian.

“‘He’s not good enough for you?’  You can’t say things like that to me Louis!  That’s not fair to me!  It’s not fair to Brad either!”  He yells, hitting Louis on his chest.  He knows he’s making a scene but Harry is pissed off and drunk and he doesn’t care.

“Oh piss off Haz,” Louis dismisses him as a cab parks in front of him.

Harry glares at Louis and shoves him against the cab.  “Fuck you, Louis!” Harry turns around and storms away needing to get away from him because he’s drunk and frustrated.  He’s angry at himself for letting Louis affect him this way, and he’s frustrated with Louis for acting like a possessive prick when he has no right to be.  

By the time Harry arrives at his flat, he still has some lingering emotions from his exchange with Louis so he decides to get into the shower.  As he’s taking off his clothes, a piece of paper falls out of his pocket, and when Harry picks it up he sees it’s Fabian’s number.  With a deep sigh, Harry tears it up and throws it in the nearest trash bin.

  
*

[Jealous Guy- Hurray for The Riff Raff](https://open.spotify.com/track/2faT135hfs9Ro4YUlKIG8o)

Louis shoves the door open and slams it shut, throwing his keys and coat to the side, still livid about his encounter with Harry.  He’s not necessarily mad at Harry, but more at himself for the way he reacted, the way his emotions got the best of him.  It was just a lot.  Maybe part of it had to do with the fact that he’d had quite a bit to drink, but some if it definitely had to do with the fact that he felt _jealousy_.

From the moment Harry had told their group that he’d gotten the guy’s number, Louis couldn’t stop thinking about it.  He couldn’t stop looking at that Fabian guy, trying to understand what Harry would even see in him.  He couldn’t stop glancing at the napkin with the phone number.  He couldn’t stop picturing them together, going out, having Harry try to include him as part of the group — Fabian putting _his hands_ on Harry.  Louis just felt sick at the thought of it.  Louis had stuck around longer than he normally would because he wanted to make sure Harry got home, without that guy anywhere near him.  Niall had left after chatting up some girl and Louis assured him that he’d let Harry know.  But when he’d approached Harry, he was smiling, that smile Harry knows will bring any man down to their knees and make them want to do anything and everything for him. At least it used to for Louis. That’s when Louis just couldn’t take it anymore.  He’d tried to get Harry to leave with him, but it didn’t work.  Louis refused to just leave him like that, he couldn’t, in some way, leave without telling Harry something to let him know he didn’t want him to stay with that Fabian guy.

So he told him the guy wasn’t good enough for him.  He knew as soon as he said it that he’d crossed a line, but it was too late to take it back.  Seeing the way Harry’s eyes widened, and his pretty pink mouth opened, made Louis’ heart stutter, so he left.  He had to get out of there before he did something more he’d regret.  And then, Harry called after him.   _Fuck._ Harry went off on him, and Louis knows he deserved it, but it still pissed him off.  Because he knows that Harry’s right.  He knows he wasn’t being fair, and it maddens him to no end.

“Are you okay?”  Fuck.  For a moment Louis had forgotten that Brad would be staying at his place tonight.  For a second he regrets ever giving him a key to his flat because right now would be a great time to be alone, to think, to cool off.

“I’m fine,” Louis bites out.  He doesn’t want to take it out on Brad, he doesn’t mean to.

“Then why do you look like you’re getting ready to murder someone?”  Brad asks.  He’s sitting on the couch with a book in his lap.  No doubt he was waiting for Louis to get home.

Louis lets out a deep breath, “I’ve just not had the best night.”  He runs his hands through his face and hair, taking deep, calming breaths.

Brad sets his book aside, and stands up, approaching Louis carefully.  He places his hands on Louis’ arms and rubs them soothingly, up and down.  “Why don’t I make you some tea?  I bet that will help you relax a little.”

Louis shakes his head, “No, thanks.”  

Brad continues to try and soothe Louis, he leans over to kiss him on the lips, “You know...I know another way I can get you to relax,” he says kissing him again and raising his eyebrow suggestively.  “Hmm?”

And normally, that would sound appealing.  Brad is gorgeous, and he knows just what to do to make Louis get off, but he’s just not in the mood.  “I don’t think I’m up for it tonight babe, I’m really tired,” he yawns to make his point.

Brad instantly deflates, and his face falls.  He crosses his arms, “Did you know that we haven’t had sex since Harry’s arrived to London?”

“What?  Don’t be ridiculous, that’s not true,” Louis argues.

Brad nods, “It’s true, Louis.  I haven’t said anything about it because I wanted to give you time to...I don’t know, adjust to him being in your life again, but I just can’t hold it in anymore.”

And okay.  Maybe it’s been what?  A month?  Has it really been that long?  Wow, now Louis feels like an absolute dick.  He knows that sometimes it’s hard to even get to see Brad especially when his schedule gets so hectic at times, and sometimes Louis gets home and just passes out from how exhausted he is.  He’d never stopped to think about how it might look like there’s other reasons why he hasn’t fucked his own boyfriend.

“Brad...I’m..”

“Don’t,” Brad walks away, and starts gathering some of his things.  “You know, we also haven’t talked about moving in together like we had been discussing before Harry came back into your life.  I remember when you wouldn’t stop pestering me about it, asking when I was finally going to find the time for us to really discuss when and where, but now... _nothing_.  Not.  A.  Word.”

“Come on Brad, I’ve had a lot going on and so have you, you can’t pin this on me, love,” Louis follows Brad around as he collects his things into a duffle bag and puts his shoes on.  “Where are you going?”

Louis follows Brad to the front door, he stops and turns to look back at Louis.  “I’m going to my own flat, Louis.  I just…” he sighs, “I need time to think.  I need to decide where I want to go from here.”  Without another word, Brad turns around, opens the door and closes it behind him.

Louis’ shoulders slump as he hits his head against the door.  He needs to get his shit together.


	5. Chapter 5

 

“What’s got you looking so sad lately, dear?” Hilda’s sweet, concerned voice makes Harry jump from his thoughts.  

“I’m not sad,” he says, “Just have a lot on my mind, that’s all.”

“Oh don’t give me that, Harry.  You’ve looked like a kicked puppy all week.”

Harry hasn’t been working at the bakery too long, but he’s grown close to Hilda and the other ladies.  It’s as if they’re older versions of his own mother, always looking after him and his wellbeing.  Harry appreciates it, a lot of times it makes him miss his own mum, but sometimes, like now, he’d like to be left alone, in his own miserable thoughts.

Harry lets out a sigh, “Things have been weird with Louis, and I’m not sure what to do,” he admits.

Hilda nods in understanding, being well aware of Harry’s history with Louis.  It gets slow in the bakery sometimes, and they have time to talk and get to know each other, Harry couldn’t help himself.  He needed to vent.

She pinches his cheek soothingly, “Oh darling, don’t worry.  I’ve been telling you that things will work themselves out.  You’ve just gotta give him time.  He’ll come to his senses, you can mark my words.”  Harry’s always baffled with the confidence in which she says that every single time.  She sounds so sure that Harry wants to believe her.  He really does.  

Harry nods, “Thank you.”  

Hilda pats him on the arm, and turns around to go to the back room, “I’m gonna throw more scones into the oven, just shout if you get bombarded with customers.”

Harry checks his phone, and he’s got no messages.  Just like five minutes ago when he’d last checked.  He might have been checking his phone non stop since his little squabble with Louis.  He guesses he’s expecting too much to get some sort of apology from him.  Harry should know him better than that by now.  Louis Tomlinson can be one stubborn prick.  But Harry isn’t going to budge either, no matter how much he may miss him.

He decides to shoot Niall a text to see if he wants to hang out when he gets off his shift at the bakery, when he hears the front door chime.  Harry’s finishing out his text when the customer talks.

“Well, this is a nice little place.”  
  
[Don't Kill the Messenger- Night Riots](https://open.spotify.com/track/6vLLV8j9uibsPUFdPToF06)

Harry freezes.  He recognizes that voice.  He slowly drags his gaze up to look at the person that walked in.  It can’t be.  His mouth drops.

“Hey, Sunshine.”

Harry’s eyes are wide, and he doesn’t respond for a few seconds, until he finally forces himself to talk, “Ja-Jake, what the hell are you doing here?”

Jake smirks.  God, Harry hates that smirk.  That all-knowing, I-think-I’m-better-than-everyone smirk.  Harry tries his hardest not to roll his eyes.

“You are one tough cookie to track down.  Love the haircut by the way,” Jake says, completely ignoring Harry’s question.  Harry subconsciously runs his fingers through his shorter hair.

Harry huffs, “And why are you tracking me down?  Why are you even in London?  Did all the guys in LA finally realize what a tool you are, so now you’re expanding worldwide?”  Harry crosses his arms.

Jake chuckles, “Still as sharp as ever, I see.”

Harry glares in return, “What are you really doing here, Jake?”

Jake opens the messenger bag he’s got strapped across his chest and pulls out a cd case.  Harry’s cd case.  It’s Harry’s EP.  The day of the show, all the copies they had printed were sold out.  How the hell did Jake manage to get one?

“Not too shabby,” Jake says, waving the cd around.  “I came looking for the person who created this.  This isn’t really you, is it?”

“How the fuck did you get that?”

Jake shrugs, “I know a guy.  Who would’ve thought you really had it in you, Sunshine?  And that performance that’s got millions of views?  Just, wow.”

“Stop calling me that,” Harry demands.  His arms go down to his sides and his hands ball into fists.  He’s seconds away from punching Jake in the face.  “So you came all the way from LA just to mock me?”

Jake moves closer towards the counter, he puts the cd down and his hands on the wooden countertop.  “Believe it or not, Jenkins sent me here to talk to you.”

“He what?”  Harry can’t believe what he’s hearing.  After years of trying to get Jenkins to even listen to a demo of his song, now he’s sent Jake to London to talk to him?  Well, maybe Jake is just being a fucking tease and he’s here because Jenkins wants him back as his assistant.  Or slave.  Same difference.  “You’ve got to be joking.”

Jake’s cocky smile only intensifies, “I’m not, I swear.”  He raises his hands in surrender.

“What does he want, then?”

Jake looks around the bakery, “Wouldn’t it be better if we talked about this somewhere else?  How about dinner tonight?  My treat.  I know a struggling artist when I see one,” he winks.

Harry rolls his eyes, “No thanks, I’m fine to talk about whatever you need to right here.”

“Oh, come on, Sunshine, don’t be like that,” Jake’s voice softens.  “Please?  For old time’s sake?”

Harry taps his fingers on the counter, thinking.  He already knows that whatever Jenkins has to say isn’t going to affect Harry and whatever plans he has.  He won’t let it happen.  But, he is curious to see what that old bastard wants.  Harry puts one hand on his hip.

“On two conditions,” he sticks one finger out to emphasize, “One, you stop calling me Sunshine.”

Jake chuckles and nods, “Alright.”

Harry sticks out a second finger, “And two, make it drinks, at the pub of my choice.  I don’t want to do dinner, or whatever fancy trick you got up your sleeve to try to woo me.  I worked with Jenkins for years, I know all the shit he tries to pull with people when he’s trying to manipulate them before he fucks them over.”

“Wow, Sunsh-I mean Harry...you’re more uptight than I remember,” Jake says.

“Deal or no deal?”  Harry asks.

Jake laughs, “Fine.  We’ll meet at the pub of your choice.”

“Okay.”  Harry looks down at his phone, notices his draft text to Niall and deletes it, since he won’t be able to make plans with his roommate for tonight anymore.  “Meet me here in an hour.”  Harry takes one of the small bakery bags that are used for muffins and a sharpie and jots down the address to the pub Niall works at, then hands it to Jake.  “Don’t be late.”

Jake smirks, “I wouldn’t dare.”

 

*

 

“Would you like another pint, mate?”

Louis looks up from his phone--he’s been on this level of candy crush for ages now--and grunts at his friend, then looks back down at his phone.  Niall must take that as a yes, because he refills his glass without a word.

“So are you going to tell me what’s wrong, or...?”  Niall’s got his hands on his hips looking at Louis expectantly.  “You haven’t said more than two words since you got here.”

Where does he even begin?  Should he start from the very first moment he set eyes on Harry when he was a teenager?  How those green eyes and curly locks have had him hypnotized from the very first glance?  How he’d been so madly in love, was willing to move across the atlantic to be with him, but Harry rejected him, shattering his heart into a million pieces?  Does he tell him how it took him such a long time to even gain the strength to even get out of bed in the mornings, because he couldn’t fathom a life without Harry Styles?  How he did everything in his power to distract himself from Harry, with work, with football, taking up new hobbies he’d never thought he’d try?  (Louis still has a bunch of knick knacks he’s made from that pottery class he’d taken a couple of years ago, not having the heart to get rid of them.)  How when he finally gave himself the opportunity to start dating, he couldn’t stop comparing everyone to Harry?  How when Brad came along, it took him a long time to open up to him, emotionally and physically?  And how when he finally allowed himself to be happy with someone else, _that’s_ when Harry decided to show up out of nowhere, without warning, and fuck up with Louis’ plans for a future?

Not to mention the unresolved tension that Louis’ been feeling between he and Harry— a spiraling, out of control enigma that he can’t control whenever they’re around each other.    It feels that no matter what they try to do, some of it is always still just there, waiting to snap, like a rubberband.  Louis hasn’t talked to Harry since the incident a few days ago, and he hasn’t seen Brad all week.  When Louis made attempts to contact his boyfriend, all Brad did was tell him that he needed more time.  Time for what?  Louis isn’t quite sure.  So he’s been moping around, feeling sorry for himself, just trying to get through the week, one day at a time.

“Sorry Niall, I’ve just had a lot on my mind,” Louis sighs.

“Harry?”  Niall raises his eyebrow in question.

Louis doesn’t respond to that, but he knows his face is giving it away, so he takes a gulp of his beer instead.

“Look, Louis, I’ll just say this, and you can choose to ignore me if you’d like.  But if your feelings for Harry were truly gone, you wouldn’t be moping around here.”

Louis gives Niall a confused look, “What do you mean?”

Niall smiles, “I’m saying that forlorn unrequited love doesn't look good on you.  And me mam had a saying that fits really well here..."

Louis arches an eyebrow and gestures for him to continue.

"Shit or get off the pot, Louis."  His obnoxious friend nearly shouts, "get off yer arse and get your boy!”

Louis rolls his eyes and laughs, “I wish it were that simple, Ni.  It’s a lot harder than that.”

Niall sighs and gives Louis a sympathetic look, “It’s not hard, Louis. It’s painful but it’s not hard. You know what to do already. If you didn’t you wouldn’t be in this much pain.”

Louis shakes his head, his throat feels dry so he takes another drink.  “Someone’s heart is getting broken no matter what I decide to do.”

Niall shakes his head and pours them each a shot of the strong stuff, “Looks to me like someone’s already is.”  They clink glasses solemnly before they chug them down.

Niall excuses himself to go help a customer when Harry approaches the counter.  He looks at Louis, but he doesn’t acknowledge him.  Okay, he probably deserves that. When Niall comes back, he gives Louis a weary look but then turns to get Harry a pint.

“Whatcha doing here mate?  I thought you were just going home after work?”  

Harry sighs heavily, “Yeah I was, but there was sort of a change of plans, and now I’m meeting someone here,” he tells him--pretending Louis isn’t there--and takes a sip of his beer.  He looks at his watch and turns to look towards the entrance.  Louis wonders who Harry’s meeting with that’s got him all fidgety and nervous.  Louis hopes it isn’t a date.

“Who are you meeting here?” Niall asks, and just before Niall finishes asking, a guy comes up and interrupts.

“Hey Sunshine.”  

Harry rolls his eyes to look at the guy and huffs.  “What did I say about calling me that?”

The guy raises his hand up, “Right.”

“Hello!  What can I get you?” Niall asks, surely trying to lighten the mood.

“I’ll just have a beer, please,” the guy says, not taking his eyes off Harry.  He’s looking at him with a familiarity Louis can’t quite describe, and he doesn’t like it one bit.

“You’re late, by the way,” Harry tells him annoyed before he takes another gulp of his pint.

“Yeah sorry, got a bit lost, not very familiar with the area.”  Niall gives him his pint and the guy takes a drink.

Harry shakes his head, “Whatever, let’s get this over with,” he says turning around and walking away and the guy follows after him.  They walk to the other side of the pub and sit at one of the booths.

“Who was that guy?” Louis asks Niall.

Niall shrugs, “I have no idea.  Haz hasn’t mentioned anyone.  Maybe it’s a date?”

An uneasy feeling settles at the pit of Louis’ stomach.  This can’t be good.

 

*

 

“So how’s London been treating you?” Jake asks.

Harry shakes his head, “Oh come on Jake, this isn’t why we’re here, remember?”

Jake sighs and it’s like all that smugness he was wearing earlier melts away, “In all seriousness Harry, how are you?  I’ve missed you, you know?”

And okay, maybe Harry was being a bit unfair.  After all, Jake really looked out for Harry back in LA.  Jake was probably the only friend Harry had, especially after Louis left.  At those thoughts, Harry can slowly feel his defenses coming down.

Harry drinks from his pint, “I’ve been great, for the most part.  Trying to start over and all that.”

“And how’s that working out for you?”

Harry shrugs, “It’s going well, I mean.  As well as it can go.  There’s not enough money in the world that would make me go back to LA, if that’s where this is going.”

Jake laughs, “What makes you think that’s where this conversation is going?”

Harry scoffs, “Come on, Jake.  I worked with you and Jenkins.  I know the spiel.  I saw it in your eyes when you entered the bakery,” he crosses his arms, “I don’t care how much money he’s willing to offer, there’s no way in hell I’d ever consider signing with him.  No way.”

Jake looks at Harry thoughtfully and leans back against his seat, “He’s not that bad, H.”

Harry laughs, “No, he’s worse.  And I’ve seen how he treats his artists too.  I saw how he tore that poor girl apart, practically made her starve herself, always made her feel like she didn’t look good enough to sell records,” he shakes his head. “I might have been dying for him to pay my music attention back then, because I was desperate and needed to convince myself that I had a purpose for being in LA.  But now, there’s no way in hell I’m subjecting myself to that.”

“This wouldn’t have anything to do with Louis, would it?”  Jake raises his eyebrow, and some of that smugness Harry hates so much is back.

Harry can’t help but smile and shake his head, “Believe it or not, it doesn’t.  He’s moved on.”

Jake turns to look at the bar where Louis and Niall were just a few moments ago, “What do you even see in him, anyway?”

“Oh piss off, Jake,”  Harry groans, “How long are you here for, anyway?”  He quickly changes the subject because the last thing he wants to do right now is talk about Louis.  

Jake gives him a look--an ‘I know what you’re doing’ look--but Harry doesn’t care.  Jake shrugs, “A few days, knew it wouldn’t be so easy to charm you.”

“I see.”

“Yeah, well now that you’ve made it clear it’s a no go, I’ve got some time to explore the city you wouldn’t shut up about back in LA.  I’ve always been curious to see what the big deal was with London.  You wanna show me around, introduce me to your friends?”  Jake asks.

Harry smiles, “Hmm, we’ll see.  I don’t know if I should trust you around my friends.  You might try to embarrass me.”

Jake feigns offense, “I would never!”

Harry laughs, getting out of the booth.  He shoots a glance at the bar, and lo and behold, all the lads are there and when they see Harry looking at them they quickly look away and pretend to be in conversation.  The wankers.  “Come on then, I’ll introduce you.”

They walk through the pub, the crowd has gotten a bit heavier now that the evening has fallen upon them.  The lads are still pretending to be deep in conversation, and Niall notices them approaching.  Harry tries not to look at Louis, because he’s still mad at him about the other day, but deep down he can’t help but hope he’s seething.  

“Hey guys.”

Liam looks up eyes wide as if he hadn’t seen Harry approaching, “Harry, hi!  How are you?”

Harry rolls his eyes, “I’m fine.”  He turns to look at Jake, “Jake, these are my friends. Niall is the one who got your drink, that’s Liam and Zayn, and that’s Louis.  Guys, this is Jake.”

The guys, except for Louis, all greet Jake.  “Sorry to pry but how do you two know each other?” Niall asks.

“Jake and I used to work together in LA,” Harry says and Jake smiles, smug and knowing.

“Oh come on H, we did more than work together,” he says.  

Harry laughs nervously, “Well Jake was the only friend I had in LA as well,” he says.  The lads nod in understanding and Jake nudges him.

“We were a bit more than friends…” he trails off, raising an eyebrow suggestively, and _fuck_.  Harry definitely doesn’t want to go there.  That arsehole.

Harry covers his face with his hand, no doubt he’s blushing, and he’s never been good at having a good poker face.  He slaps Jake on the arm, “Fuck off,” he groans, embarrassed.  Jake just laughs, the jerk.

“Whatever you say, H.”

“ _Anyway_ ,” he quickly tries to change the subject, “Jake is here for a couple of days and wants to explore London.  Thought maybe we could all go out?”

 

*

 

Louis is livid.  Who does this guy, Jake, think he is?  He’s standing next to Harry like he has some type of ownership over him.  Because they have some sort of history together.  What the fuck?  He and Harry have so much more history, could blow his out of the water.  Louis has the biggest urge to punch him in the face, even though he hasn’t done anything to him.  It’s just...everything he represents.  LA.  Harry breaking Louis’ heart.  Harry moving onto Jake.  And everything else that comes with that.  Louis doesn’t even want to think about it.

“What do you think, Louis?”  Niall shakes Louis out of his murderous thoughts.

“I’m sorry, what?”

“I just said if you’re up to going to that new club that just opened tomorrow night, to show Jake here a good time while he’s in London.”

And oh.  Louis must have zoned out after Jake mentioned he and Harry had been more than friends. Shit.  What the fuck?  Why are they all obligated to go out with this guy?  Louis hates that he missed the conversation, because he has no idea how it got to this point.  Everyone else is looking at him expectantly.  Harry is looking at him for the first time all night, and his eyes look worried about what Louis’ answer will be.

“Sure, yeah, I’m sure Brad would love a night out,” he says, before he can even really think.  Fuck, he’s not even sure if Brad will want to go out with Louis, let alone the rest of the boys — _Harry_.   But now he’s gonna have to find a way to convince him, because there’s no way in hell Louis is going out to the club without his boyfriend.  Especially not if Harry and Jake are going to be there all over each other.  

Niall claps his hands together, “Sounds like a plan!”

Louis is so fucked.

At his flat later that night, he can’t stop glancing at his phone, debating whether or not he should call Brad.  He agreed to give him his space, but it’s been over a week.  Maybe hanging out with Brad will help them figure things out.  After going around in circles in his mind, Louis decides to just say fuck it and pick up his mobile and dial Brad’s number.  Louis is pretty sure it’s going to go straight to voicemail, but he’s surprised to hear Brad’s voice on the other end of the line.

“‘Ello?”  Brad’s voice sounds gravelly, like he just woke up.

“Hey Brad, it’s Louis.  I’m sorry, did I wake you?”  Louis asks, his voice is a little too high and soft, as if he’s talking to a baby deer that’s going to scare away easily.

“No, no, you’re fine.  Is everything okay? It’s rather late…”

Louis cringes a bit at that, “Oh no, sorry.  Everything’s fine, I just wanted to talk to you and..”  Fuck.  How does he bring it up without sounding like that’s the reason why he called?  He feels like a total dick, right now.

“What do you want Louis?”  Brad sounds impatient, and he obviously knows Louis wants something from him.  Shit.

Louis exhales loudly, “I was with my friends today, and they all want to go out tomorrow to a new club that just opened.  I wanted to see if you wanted to come?”  He sounds like a blubbering idiot, but he just really wants Brad to come out with them.

The line is silent for a moment, but then he hears Brad murmur, “I don’t know Louis…”

“Come on, love.  I miss you, the guys miss you, just…”  Louis’ voice is near desperate now, “Please?  I haven’t seen you all week.”

Brad sighs loudly over the phone before saying, “Alright.  Fine.”

“You’ll go?”  Louis can’t hide the excitement because not only is Brad doing him a solid, but he also has some unresolved feelings that he needs to sort out about Brad.  He’s hoping that seeing him will help with that.   

They take the tube to Vertigo, the nightclub they’d agreed to meet at.  Brad and Louis are running a little behind, but their group is used to their lateness.  When they get there, it’s dark with multi colored lights flashing everywhere.  The music is loud, and Louis holds Brad’s hand.  His hand feels warm and familiar against his as they weave their way through the crowd to find the lads already sitting at a table, with the exception of Harry and Jake.  Louis can’t help but wonder where they are.

“It’s about time, Tommo!” Niall yells over the music, no doubt already having gotten a head start on the drinks.

Louis just shrugs, and excuses himself to get himself and Brad a drink.  On his way back he sees them.  He freezes in his tracks, and stares at Harry and Jake on the dancefloor.  Harry is beautiful, as always, wearing a see through floral top, unbuttoned obscenely down to his belly button, wearing skin tight leather trousers.  Harry is wearing fucking black leather trousers that look like they were painted onto his legs.  Louis can feel his cock twitch and he swallows a groan, because life is so fucking unfair.  Jake’s got his hands on Harry’s hips as they sway to a [dance remix of ‘Shape of You’](https://open.spotify.com/track/5nCtCCB5i1OfbADvynNw0i).  Louis forces himself to tear his eyes away and heads back to their table.

He reaches their group and hands Brad his drink with a tight smile as he takes a sip of his own.

“You okay?” Brad asks.

“I’m fine,” he chugs the rest of his rum and coke, “Let’s dance.”  Brad takes a sip of his drink and takes Louis’ hand as they walk to the dancefloor.  It’s not too packed and Louis tries to find a spot where he can get a good view of Harry and Jake.  Just as they settle on a spot the song changes.

[ _I Miss you - Grey ft. Bahari_ ](https://open.spotify.com/album/5J777FNMXoL9PE4KnCFDw5)

 

_I used to know you better, better than anyone_

_Now I don't know you at all_

_You used to keep my secrets, shallow has turned to deepness_

_Now I got someone else to call_

 

Louis and Brad begin to move their bodies to the music, Brad holds on to his hips as Louis puts his arms around him, his nose nuzzling his neck while his eyes search for Harry and Jake.  Harry’s face is in Jake’s shoulder, and it’s as if he can feel the heat of Louis’ gaze as his eyes trail up to meet his.  Their gazes stay on each other as the music continues to play.

 

_Just 'cause I don't make a thing about it_

_Don't mean that I never think about it, 'cause I do_

_Just 'cause I learned how to live without you_

_Don't mean that I ever really wanted to, oh_

 

Their eyes don’t leave the other, and the beat intensifies, the words are hitting too close to home for Louis’ taste, but he doesn’t let it show how much it’s affecting him.  They continue to move to the music.  Jake whispers something into Harry’s ear and Harry nods all the while still staring back at Louis.  At this point Louis doesn’t care that Harry’s caught him staring.  

 

_Can't live without you, can't live without you, can't live without you_

 

Louis is starting to sweat, he can feel beads trickling down his forehead, but doesn’t make a move to wipe it away.  He continues on his steady rhythm, and as the song continues to gain momentum, the tighter his throat gets.  But he doesn’t stop what he’s doing.

 

_Even when I'm not trying to, I keep doing the things we do_

_Are you missing me too? Are you missing me too?_

_Like I miss you? Yeah, yeah_

_I miss you_

 

As the song is winding down, Harry finally looks away and turns to whisper something to Jake’s ear and proceeds to leave the dancefloor.

“I’ll be back,” Louis rushes out and goes to follow Harry to where he’s gone off to.

  
*

  
Harry bursts into the men’s room nearly hyperventilating, he feels so out of breath.  He closes his eyes, and takes slow, calming breaths.  Having Louis scrutinize him that way really took a lot out of him.  He just...he didn’t want to let him see how much he affects him.  He wanted to show Louis that he’s moving on too, and if he happens to make him think it’s with Jake, then so be it.  Harry is just tired of feeling like Louis is still punishing him for his past mistakes, and he’s had enough.  He splashes some cold water on his face once he’s calmed down and that’s when Louis walks into the room.  

“What the hell do you want?”  He can’t help the way his voice sounds, bitter and demanding.

The tone seems to make Louis cringe but he recovers quickly, “Just wanted to make sure you’re okay?”

Harry scoffs, “Why do you even care?  You haven’t said a word to me all week.  And then you’re here with your boyfriend, just staring me down on the dancefloor?  What gives you the right to even look at me that way anymore?  I can’t fucking _breathe_ with you looking at me that way, so just stop!”

Louis doesn’t say anything, his lips are in a thin line and his eyes look defeated.  It just makes Harry even angrier.  It makes him want to grab him by the shoulders and shake him for an answer, for anything to help explain these mind games he’s been playing with him lately.  Harry rolls his eyes and just as he’s about to turn to leave, he feels Louis grab his arm.

“Haz, wait.”  Louis’ voice sounds small.

Harry looks at Louis expectantly.  Louis sighs, “I’m just...I’m really confused,” he admits.  Harry isn’t sure if it’s the way Louis is standing there in front of him looking so vulnerable, or if it’s the fact that he just doesn’t have it in him to stay angry with Louis, never has — but he feels  his whole resolve just melt away.

“Look, Louis, I’m not gonna go all Meredith Grey on you and beg you to choose me and love me,” he says, voice shaky but sure, and he takes a couple of steps closer to Louis and he’s so close he can smell his aftershave and sweat, it’s just so comforting and it gives Harry the strength to just be honest with him, “I just want you to be happy.”

Louis’ lip twitches, “I’m sorry.  For the other day, and for tonight.  It’s just been hard having you around and seeing you with other people.  I know it’s not fair to you or Brad, and I’ve felt pretty shit about it.”

Louis’ apology sounds sincere, and he looks like he has more to say, and Harry can’t help feel a twinge of pain in his heart.  But he doesn’t let it show, he’s gotten good at that.  Just as he’s about to talk, to make Louis explain himself more, the door bursts open.

“There you are, you okay?”  Jake asks Harry, looking between him and Louis.

Harry’s eyes leave Louis’ again, “Perfect,” he says as he follows Jake out the door, leaving Louis behind, catching the way the other man’s eyes mist over and the way he looks defeated, a shadow of who Harry knows he really is.

Harry and Jake go back to join the lads and Louis comes back not even a few minutes later, looking like he’s put a mask on — covering any sort of emotion, but Harry knows him — he’s come to know him again over the past few weeks.  Louis is upset..  But Harry doesn’t let it worry him, because he’s not his to worry about anymore.

Niall suggests a round of shots before they migrate to the dance floor and Harry wills himself to just forget — forget about Louis and how unfair it is and how he just can’t stand still anymore.  He has to live his life.  That’s what he came back for, isn’t it.  

Things just get a lot better after that, mostly due to the alcohol.  Liam dances with Jake at one point, because Zayn is a big party pooper that hates dancing, so Harry joins Niall with some new people he met and they all dance together in a group.  After a few more shots, Jake starts getting a bit handsy, and Harry finds himself slapping his hand away multiple times.

“Harry!” Jake yells over the music.  He wraps his arms around him and kisses him on the cheek, “I love you, Harry!”  

Harry just giggles because Jake is making a fool of himself, “It’s time to cut you off,” he says, handing Jake a water bottle.  Jake tosses the bottle aside and reaches for Zayn’s drink, but Harry reaches in time to stop him.

“Alright you, it’s time to leave.”

“But I’m having fun with my new friends!” Jake whines, and Harry just rolls his eyes.

He puts his arm around Jake’s waist. “Come on Jake, let’s go.” He turns to look at the lads, “We’re gonna go, I’m gonna take him back to his hotel.  Don’t wait up for me, Niall,” he yells over the music.  

As he’s dragging Jake from the club, Harry manages to catch a glimpse of Louis and he looks upset.  Whatever.  Louis made his decision.  And Harry’s making his.  He walks Jake outside and waves down a cab.

 

*

  
Louis can’t stop fidgeting.  Harry just left.  With Jake.  Just Harry and Jake.  Together in Jake’s hotel room.  Alone.  Louis’ leg is shaking against the foot of his chair, and he doesn’t know what to do.  He can’t just follow Harry and Jake to make sure they don’t do anything.  He can’t show that he’s upset, because Brad is here and he’ll know what’s up.  Though Louis has a suspicion Brad already knows, because he’s been quiet all evening and mostly ignoring him, just talking to his friends.  He really did miss Brad, and Louis wanted to spend time with him but Harry just drives him crazy.  Having Jake all over Harry didn’t do anything to help him in that matter either.

“Niall, do you know where Jake is staying?”  Louis asks, making sure only Niall can hear him, because he feels like he has to at least try and see if any of them know.

“No clue, some posh hotel is all I know,” Niall shrugs.

Louis moves his head up and down to the beat of the music as he continues to think.  Think of a way to figure out what he’s going to do.  Harry is out there alone with Jake, who’s drunk and could easily put Harry in danger.  He’s just looking out for his friend, Louis tries to convince himself.

Louis pulls out his phone and sends Harry a text message.

 

**_What hotel is Jake staying in?_ **

 

Louis doubts Harry will answer, but he figures it’s worth a try.  

Brad taps him on the arm, “I’m leaving,” he tells him, voice tight.  He stands up and lets the rest of the lads know he’s going home.  Louis stands with him and follows him out, Brad doesn’t acknowledge him, just walks without even waiting for him.  

When they exit the club Louis tries to reach out for Brad who pulls his hand away as if he’s been burned, “Don’t.”

“What’s wrong?”

Brad scoffs, “What’s wrong is that you’ve barely looked at me all night.  What’s wrong is that you couldn’t stop looking to see what Harry and Jake were up to.  What’s wrong is seeing how jealous you got every time Harry and Jake hit the dance floor.  I’m sorry but I deserve so much better than this,” he waves a cab down.

Louis feels like a complete dick.  “Brad, I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean to…”

“Just save your excuses Louis,” Brad interrupts shaking his head, “Save us both the trouble.”  The cab stops in front of Brad and without another word he jumps in, slamming the door after him.  Louis watches the cab drive away, his vision blurry with unshed tears in his eyes, for the second time that evening.

  
*

 

By the time they reached Jake’s hotel room, he was able to walk on his own without any assistance from Harry.  He’d finally agreed to drink water in the cab, and overall he was a lot more coherent.  Jake unlocked the door and opened it, looking back at Harry.

“You wanna come in for some tea?”

Harry nods, “Sure,” and follows Jake inside.  The room is pretty big, it has a king sized bed, and a lounge and dining area with a mini fridge and an electric kettle.  It’s nice and fancy, Harry would expect nothing less from the label he used to work for.  Jake grabs the kettle and fills it with water before turning it on.  While they wait for the water to warm up, Harry sits down on one of the arm chairs nearby.  It was nice having someone around to just let loose with and not have to think for a few moments.  Jake has always been a great distraction, especially on anything pertaining to Louis.  Despite his smug demeanor, Jake is fun company, and Harry appreciates his presence, as short as it is.

“What time does your flight leave tomorrow?”  

Jake pours the tea into a cup and hands it to Harry, “In the afternoon.”  He pours himself a cup as well.  “Are you sure you don’t want to meet with Jenkins?”  He raises his eyebrows, sort of hopeful that Harry might have changed his mind.

Harry takes a sip of his tea, “I’m 100% positive.  This isn’t the way I want to be signed.  I don’t want to be looked at as some sort of money machine by the label execs where I’m required to make album after album until I’m no longer worth anything to them.  That’s not what I’m about.  I just want to make music and perform,” he shrugs, “The money’s all just a bonus.  If I make it, great.  If I don’t, I’ll be just as happy.”

Jake's eyebrows form into a crease as if Harry has just said the craziest thing. “What if no other opportunity comes along after this?”

Harry raises his right shoulder, “Then I’ll just keep making music and performing where I can.  I’ll be happy just doing that for the rest of my life.”  He’d also love to have Louis, but that’s a conversation he’d rather not have, especially not with Jake.

“What about Louis?” Jake asks, as if he was just reading his mind.

“What about him?”

Jake shakes his head and smiles knowingly, “He still loves you, you know?”

Harry scoffs, “You don’t even know him.”

“I don’t have to.  I could see it in his eyes, in the way he looked at you.  The poor guy couldn’t keep his eyes off of you.  It was starting to freak me out a bit.”

Harry laughs nervously, he can feel his cheeks heating up, “Yeah, right.”

“I’m serious.  The poor guy that was with him, I felt sorry for him, Louis wasn’t paying him any attention.”

Harry can’t really verify that because he was trying his best to ignore Louis and just have a good time with the lads and with Jake.  He’d hardly left the dance floor, just to have drinks a few times throughout the night.  He tries not to think too much about the evening and his earlier conversation with Louis.  

He stands up, “Well I should get going.”

Jake stands up with him, “Thanks for walking me back, sorry if I got a bit too handsy there,” he chuckles not looking sorry at all.

“No worries, mate,”  he wraps his arms around Jake to hug him goodbye.  He tightens his embrace, as if he’s letting go of LA and everything it represents for good.    
  
[Silver & Gold- Pieces of Juno](https://open.spotify.com/track/7ATldBVdZcQ1mqxUeinpQ3)

Jake rubs his back and as they pull away, he kisses Harry on the cheek, and then he trails down to his jaw, and then there’s a slight pause, a moment where Harry and Jake lock eyes.  Jake’s gaze is warm, and a little sad, and he leans in to press his lips against Harry’s. It surprisingly doesn't catch him off guard.  Instead, it feels nice.  Familiar.  

Jake's lips remind Harry of lazy days on the beach when Jake would drag him out of work and make him spend some time away from the office.  There were times where Jake would convince Jenkins to let him catch a break.  Maybe that’s why it didn’t take long for them to become friends.  To do more with him.  They never became anything serious, because all Harry wanted back then was just meaningless sex, and Jake knew that and was more than okay with it.  He knew Harry would never be able to give his all, his heart.  Because it belonged to Louis.  And Jake never held it against Harry, either.  

Their kiss deepens, and Jake’s hands move down to Harry’s waist, making their way under Harry’s shirt.  They feel soft.  Harry’s been craving for a man’s touch, Louis’ touch, really.  But any touch will do in the absence of Louis’.  For a second he feels wrong doing this.  But then he remembers that Louis isn’t his anymore, and he doesn’t owe him anything.  Jake’s lips trail down his neck, his breathing increases, and he feels powerless, unable to stop.  He’s just been so sad and lonely, even though this feels almost forbidden, it feels like an itch Harry needs to scratch deep inside of him.  Harry closes his eyes, and gives in to the feeling of want and need.

 

*

 

**_Autumn 2008_ **

 

[ _Love- Lana Del Rey_ ](https://open.spotify.com/track/5zGPITTmaPqluxoPFYRsOY)

 

_Harry needs everything to be perfect.  He moves the wineglass a little more to the left so that it lines up perfectly with the silverware.  He hears the doorbell ring and he quickly takes his apron off, throwing it inside the food pantry and rushing over to open the door.  His heart is beating fast, his stomach won’t stop fluttering, and he feels a bit nauseous just thinking about what is going to happen tonight._

_When he opens the door, he’s greeted by his gorgeous boyfriend who’s smiling so bright, “Hi love,” Harry moves out of the way to let him inside.  Louis leans up to peck Harry on the lips._

_“Hey babe,” Harry hopes his voice doesn’t sound shaky.  He doesn’t want Louis to notice how nervous he is._

_“Oooh, what do we have here?” Louis wanders into the dining room where Harry had set up the table, with candles and all the works._

_Harry couldn't help but redden, “Just wanted to do something special,” he says as he takes Louis’ things and sets them aside.  “Have a seat.”  He pulls the chair for him and Louis sits.  Harry lifts the lid off the dish sitting on the table and steam comes out of it, instantly hitting his nostrils with delicious flavor, “I made chicken alfredo with homemade sauce and garlic bread.”_

_Louis’ mouth opens and he licks his bottom lip, “Wow, Haz, you really didn’t have to do all this.  It looks wonderful.”_

_Harry smiles, taking the serving spoon and scooping up a generous portion onto Louis’ plate and then his own, “I wanted to.”  He pours wine into their glasses and as he’s about to sit in his own seat he stops, “I almost forgot to light the candles,” he says as he reaches over for the box of matches he’d left on the table.  He strikes a match and leans over towards the candle and his chest accidentally knocks over one of the wine glasses, “Shit!”  he yelps and at the same time drops the match which burns his finger, “Oh fuck!” he shouts as he holds onto his finger in pain.  Thankfully he didn’t catch anything on fire._

_“Oh my god, Harry, are you okay?” Louis rushes to his side to check on his finger._

_Harry opens his palm and checks the damage, it’s not too bad, the edge of his finger is red, “I’m fine, just hurts a bit.”  He walks over to the sink and turns on the cold water and runs his finger through it, the cool liquid instantly easing the pain.  He can’t help but feel annoyed at himself and his clumsiness right now.  He’s embarrassed and frustrated that things are already not going according to the plan._

_He feels Louis’ arms wrap around his waist, Louis’ chin resting on his left shoulder.  Louis takes Harry’s hand from the stream of cold water and kisses his finger, “Better?”_

_Smiling, Harry nods. “Much better.”_

_After cleaning up the wine that Harry spilled they finally settle down and eat dinner. They catch each other up, Louis on uni and how his studies are going, Harry on his last year of Sixth form.  Louis has only been home for a few weekends since moving away for uni, and Harry’s missed him a lot.  They still talk every day, whether it be over the phone, through texts or the occasional Skype date.  It hasn’t been ideal, but they’re making it work.  They’ve been officially together for almost six months and they couldn’t be happier, but Harry won’t lie that he’s been wanting to take things all the way and his boyfriend has been dragging his arse in the matter.  It might have to do with the fact that it’d be both of their first times with a guy, or maybe the fact that Harry’s a virgin and has never slept with anyone.  Tonight, though, Harry is determined to change that, to show Louis he isn’t some delicate flower, but rather someone who knows what they want, and that’s Louis._

_After dinner they settle in the living room, deciding to watch “Taken” (well, it was mostly Louis’ choice, Harry would have preferred to go with something romantic to set the mood but whatever).  They’re cuddled on the couch, Louis with his arm around Harry’s shoulders and Harry with his head between Louis’ shoulder and chest.  Louis idly runs his fingers through Harry’s curls as they watch the movie.  Harry randomly glances at Louis through his peripheral, and he’s thinking carefully about how he wants to initiate his next move._

_Harry’s heart is beating so hard he can hear his blood pumping through his ears.  He swallows hard, before he slowly moves his hand along Louis’ leg.  It begins as a soft caress, which doesn’t pay Louis any mind, but it turns into a touch with more intent.  Harry’s fingers brush along Louis’ crotch and he can feel Louis’ cock twitch at the sensation.  Louis’ fingers halt their movements._

_“What are you doing, Haz?”  Louis’ voice is deep, almost trembling._

_Harry looks at Louis with hooded eyes, he licks his lips and says, “I thought maybe tonight...we could um...you know?”  Louis’ eyebrow quirks in interest and Harry cups Louis’ crotch._

_“Oh?”  Louis breathes out._

_Harry nods._

_“Are you sure?”_

_Harry nods again, “I really want to, Lou,” he nearly moans because he’s been waiting so long for this moment.  He and Louis have done stuff, but not as much as Harry would like.  Louis stops them just as they’re about to get to the really good part every time._

_“Okay.”_

_And that’s really all the permission Harry needs.  He instantly goes in, capturing Louis’ mouth, licking and biting.  The kiss turns heated and hungry fast, months of restraining thrown out of the window, and this time they’re finally giving into each other’s wants and needs.  Louis ends up straddling Harry right there on the couch, mouthing and nibbling on Harry’s jaw, his neck, and working his way down to his collarbones.  Harry’s moans are loud but he doesn’t even care, because it’s finally happening, he finally gets to be with Louis._

_Everything is so overwhelming, Harry’s face is hot, he’s starting to sweat and they’ve barely begun.  He’s so hard his trousers feel tight against his crotch, and with Louis on top of him, rubbing against it, well fuck.  He’s about to…_

_“Fuck, Louis!”  Harry groans, and he means to stop him, to let him know he doesn’t want to come in his pants, but it only seems to urge Louis on and he presses his bum harder against his dick while he bites onto Harry’s neck, no doubt leaving a mark.  Shit.  Harry’s eyes roll to the back of his head and he comes within seconds._

_Louis freezes.  “Haz?”_

_Harry can feel himself going beet red.  “Oh my god.”  He covers his face with his hands, he can’t believe that just happened.  Out of all days, this had to be the fucking day he’d come prematurely.  Why.  Just why.  Harry is so embarrassed he could cry.  Okay maybe he is going to cry, he feels warm tears making their way out of his eyes.  This is not the type of crying Harry was hoping to do tonight._

_“Baby, what’s wrong?”  Louis asks in the most gentlest tone.  Harry loves him for that, but it doesn’t make him feel any less embarrassed._

_Harry wipes at his eyes, “I was hoping this would go a bit differently, and I had to go and fuck it all up,” he says hoarsely.  He hates how much this is affecting him, but he really did want this to be as close to perfect as possible, and it isn’t turning out to be that way at all._

_“Baby, look at me,” Louis tells him.  Harry shakes his head, but Louis isn’t having any of it and moves Harry’s face towards him.  He leans down to kiss him, soft and sweet, then pulls away.  “I love you so much, you know that?”_

_And yes, Harry knows that.  He loves Louis with his entire being too.  Harry nods._

_Louis smiles at that, “You haven’t fucked anything up, okay?  Come on.”  Louis stands up and reaches his hand out for Harry.  Harry takes it, joining Louis and he walks them upstairs to Harry’s room.  Louis leads Harry to the bed and he looks around the room._

_“I’ll be right back, take off your clothes, okay?”  Louis leaves the room for a moment, and Harry does as he’s told.  He even grabs some wet wipes on his night stand to wipe off the sticky come from earlier.  Shaking his head at the memory of his little situation, he throws the wipes away in the bin by his bed and waits patiently.  He’s not quite sure what Louis has in mind--this was all originally planned by Harry to begin with--but Harry knows that he can trust Louis with anything._

_Before he knows it, Louis returns with a bag of tea candles and a box of matches.  Without a word, he lights up the candles around the room carefully.  When he finishes, he turns off the light, and the room is glowing with only the light from the candles, giving it a very romantic ambiance.  Louis takes off his clothes and joins Harry on the bed._

_“What’s with all the candles?”  Harry asks._

_Louis caresses Harry on the cheek, and kisses him, “I want this to be special for you.  For us.”_

_They kiss again, but this time it’s with more intent, more passion.  They lick into each other’s mouths and Harry whines.  Louis picks up where he’d left off earlier, working on Harry’s nipples, taking one of them into his mouth and nibbling on it.  The noises Harry makes...he barely even recognizes as his own.  He’s already getting hard again, and he concentrates on keeping it that way._

_Louis grabs the lube, and works on opening Harry up so carefully, he almost wants to just tell him to get on with it, but he doesn’t.  Because he wants to make this last as long as possible, hoping to ingrain this memory into his brain for the rest of his life._

_“It’s okay, baby.  I’ve got you,” Louis whispers.  His eyes are dark, his mouth is parted open.  This is affecting him just as much, if not even more than Harry.  Eventually he works his way up to three fingers, and Harry just can’t take it anymore.  His entire body is littered with beads of sweat, and he’s about ready to rip his hair out._

_“Lou.  Please.  I’m ready,” he begs.  He’s lying on his back, his legs wide open with his feet planted onto the mattress and Louis in between.  Louis is licking at Harry’s head but not adding any type of pressure to it, which is driving Harry absolutely mad.  Louis looks up, and he looks absolutely wrecked.  Harry finds himself tightening his fist around the base of his cock or else he’ll come again before Louis even enters him.  Again.  Not a mistake he wishes to repeat._

_“Okay, okay,” Louis  says and he reaches over for the condom, cutely fumbling with it to get it on properly.  He lubes himself up and leans over to kiss Harry on the lips.  “I love you,” he says as he begins to line himself up, “Tell me if you need me to stop, okay?”_

_Harry nods, “I love you too.”  He braces himself for the intrusion, grabbing a hold of his thighs, needing something,_ anything _to hold on to.  He takes a deep breath, and motions for Louis to continue._

_Louis pushes inside slowly, his eyes never wavering from Harry’s.  Harry bites his lips, adjusting to the feeling of being filled up by Louis.  It’s a bit uncomfortable at first, but as Louis gets deeper it starts to feel so, so good.  When Louis bottoms out, he waits for a moment, gauging Harry’s reactions._

_“Please move,” Harry grunts out, and Louis does.  Louis grinds his hips against Harry’s at first, but then he takes Harry’s legs and puts them over his shoulders, nearly bending Harry in half.  The angle feels amazing._

_“Fuck!”  Louis pulls out then pushes back in, creating a steady rhythm._

_“You.  Feel.  Amazing.  Baby.”  Louis moans out with every thrust.  It’s a lot.  Between being filled up, and seeing how much Louis is affected by this, Harry feels that he won’t last much longer._

_As Harry’s about to reach down to his cock to stroke himself, Louis slaps it away.  “No.  Mine.”  Louis growls as he continues his merciless rhythm.  After a few more thrusts, Louis pulls out.  “Turn around baby, on your hands and knees.”  Louis is panting._

_Harry complies on wobbly knees, already feeling his bottom sore, but he loves the ache it gives him and secretly hopes he’ll be able to feel it the next day.  He sticks his bum out, like an offering for Louis and looks over his shoulder._

_Louis enters him again, this time quick and unforgiving.  He grabs onto Harry’s hips, his fingers holding him tight and in place and resumes pounding into him.  Harry feels like the wind is being knocked out of him, in a good way.  The position he’s in is giving Louis access to something inside of Harry that is giving him pleasure he’s only been able to attain with his dildo.  Only, this is so much better than that, because it’s Louis._

_“Fuck, Lou.  Harder.”  He nearly screams as he bunches his duvet into fists, trying to hold on.  Louis slams his hips into him harder punching every single noise out of him.  “Yes!”  His head falls onto the mattress with the force.  Louis’ skin slapping against Harry’s echoes throughout the room, and it makes Harry dizzy, floaty._

_“Fuck, Harry, I’m gonna come,” Louis groans as he pulls Harry towards him, making Harry sit on his cock.  He reaches over to jerk Harry off as he continues to fuck into Harry._

_In just a couple of strokes Harry is coming, shooting into Louis’ hand.  It’s as if Louis was just waiting for Harry to come before his orgasm follows.  They sit there for a moment, catching their breath and trying to recover before Louis lifts Harry off of his lap so he can pull out of him.  He quickly takes the condom off and tosses it into the waste bin before they lay in bed together._  
  
[Perfect - Ed Sheeran](https://open.spotify.com/track/0tgVpDi06FyKpA1z0VMD4v)

_“How are you feeling?” Louis whispers into Harry’s ear, stroking his belly lightly._

_Harry is still panting, his heart is still racing and he’s trying to calm down, “I’m good.  You?”  Harry looks over his shoulder and Louis kisses him on the shoulder._

_“I’m perfect.  You’re perfect.”_

_Harry smiles and turns back around resting his head on the pillow.  His eyes feel heavy, and with the way Louis is caressing him, it lulls him to sleep, his smile still plastered on his face._

 


	6. Chapter 6

[Let it Go- James Bay](https://open.spotify.com/track/13HVjjWUZFaWilh2QUJKsP)  
  
The next morning, Louis stands outside of Brad’s flat with two cups of tea in each hand.  He didn’t have the best night’s sleep, with nonstop thoughts of Harry and Brad running through his mind all night.  Louis knew that he wouldn’t be able to have peace of mind until he got his shit together.  One of the first steps to doing that was talking to Brad, which is why he’s currently standing outside his door with his favorite cup of tea.  He takes a deep breath before he finally gains the courage to knock.  

He doesn’t have to wait long before Brad opens the door.  His face shows no expression and he looks at Louis up and down.

"What do you want, Louis?”

Louis reaches his hand out with Brad’s tea, “Can we talk?”  

Brad looks at the cup tentatively before he takes it and sighs, “Alright.”  He opens the door wider to let Louis inside.

They sit on the couch facing each other and they each take a sip of their teas.  Brad looks resigned, as if he's waiting for the blow Louis is going to inevitably throw.  It only makes Louis feel worse.

“Listen, Brad, I want to apologize for everything.  You didn't deserve the way that I've treated you these past couple of months.”  Louis looks at him in the eye to show him how much he means it.  

Brad, however, looks down at his lap.  As if looking at Louis might be too much for him at the moment, so Louis continues.

“I'm really grateful for having you in my life.  And I love you…”

And that's when Brad decides to interrupt, “Just not as much as you love Harry.”  He's looking at Louis now, probably to gauge his reaction.  

Louis was prepared for him to say something to that effect so he takes it in stride.  He lets out a breath, “He's the love of my life,” he nearly whispers.  He promised himself he'd keep it together but his body is already betraying him.  His throat feels tight and his eyes are filling with tears.  “I never meant to hurt you.  I really thought I had moved on, but then he showed up and turned my whole life upside down,” he shakes his head, “it was inevitable.”

It took a long time for Louis to come to that conclusion, as much as he was trying so hard to fight it, Harry Styles is and will always be the love of his life.  Living in denial of that has only hurt Brad and himself, and he's trying to make amends for that now.  Louis hopes it's not too late, and that Brad will try to understand where he's coming from.

Brad is quiet for a moment, taking in Louis’ words.  He's still very put together, while Louis is dabbing at his face trying to wipe his tears away.  “I understand.  As much as I would have liked for things to play out differently, I get it.  I saw it in your eyes when you first saw him at the pub but I didn't want it to be true.  That's why I tried giving you an out.  But you didn't take it.  Every time he was around it was like part of you was still with him and there's no fighting that.”

Louis sighs relieved that Brad comprehends.  His lip quirks, “Oh trust me, I've tried and it didn't work.”

Brad smiles sadly, “I know.  I hope you two are able to get your head out of your arses and figure things out.”

“I hope so too,” Louis admits, “I also hope someday you'll be able to forgive me for putting you through all this.”

“I can't hate you for wanting to be with the person you love.  It's not the best feeling in the world, I'll admit, but I do want you to be happy,” Brad tells him.  His eyes are warm with sincerity and Louis feels like a huge weight has been lifted off of his shoulders now only bearing the one only Harry can take away.

He reaches out to Brad, wanting to embrace him, but he stops himself.  When Brad realizes what he was trying to do he nods in approval and Louis surges forward to hug him.  

“Thank you,” he whispers into Brad’s shoulder.

Brad smiles against Louis’ shoulder, “Don't fuck it up,” he tells him and they both laugh.

“I'll try not to.”

 

*

 

Harry wakes up, confused and bleary eyed.  He has to think for a moment to try and remember what day it is and where he is.  His eyes shift around the room, it’s his own, and he’s under the covers, naked.  He likes to sleep naked so it’s not anything out of the ordinary.  He reaches over for his phone in the night stand, his mobile is almost dead because he’d forgotten to plug it in to charge when he got home just a few hours ago.  

He has a text from Jake waiting for him when he checks his phone.

 

**_Are you sure you don’t want to meet with Jenkins?  This is your last chance…_ **

 

Harry shakes his head, remembering how stubborn Jake could be sometimes.

 

**_Yes, I’m sure._ **

 

It doesn’t take more than a minute before Jake replies.

 

**_You’re making a big mistake._ **

 

And Harry decides not to respond to that, because he really feels like he’s making the right decision.  He knows better than to accept the first real offer that comes his way.  Even more so if the offer comes from the one person that made his life a living hell for years.  The person who’s partly responsible for Harry and Louis’ demise.  No, he just can’t do it.  Not only because of that, but he’s seen how terribly the artists at his label get treated, and Harry would be signing his life over for little to nothing.  And that’s just not what he’s about.  He might not have much to lose now, but he’d really be taking about ten steps back if he took that deal.  So no, he really doesn’t think he’s making a big mistake.

Since he’s already awake, he decides to prepare some breakfast for himself and Niall.  He finds cooking relaxing, and the lovely reactions he gets from Niall when he eats his food don’t hurt one bit either.  He decides to go for eggs benedict this morning, and as soon as he’s preparing the final touches to their plates is when Niall emerges from his bedroom.

“You spoil me, Styles,” he says as he walks over to turn on the kettle for them and takes out the milk from the fridge.

Harry smiles, “I like spoiling you, Niall.  Just don’t get used to it.”

They take their plates to the table and dig in, sitting in comfortable silence for a few minutes.

“How was the rest of your night with Jake?” Niall asks, taking a sip of his tea.

Harry sighs, “It was alright.  He’d sobered up some by the time we got to his room and we got to talking a bit.  As I was getting ready to leave he, uh...He kissed me.”

Niall’s eyes go comically wide as he bites into a piece of egg. “And then what happened?”

Harry can’t help but chuckle at his best friend’s reaction, “It got a bit heated for a moment, and then...I stopped it before it could get any further. I just couldn’t do it.”

Niall’s face relaxes, “You don’t look too happy about that.”

“It’s not the fact that I didn’t sleep with him that’s bothering me, it’s just…”  Harry takes a sip of his tea, “I couldn’t get Louis out of my mind.  I had Jake, this guy who wanted me and wanted to be with me, but Louis clawed his way into my thoughts and I had to stop it.  And it’s just making me wonder if it’s always going to be like this from now on.  Any time I try to be with a guy, is Louis going to pop into my mind and keep me from fucking anyone ever again?”

Niall laughs, “Oh Haz, you’re being so dramatic, I’m sure that’s not how it’s going to be.”

Harry shakes his head, “I don’t know Niall, even the Louis in my mind is stubborn as hell.”

Niall puts his tea down making a loud noise, “Look Haz, you’ve got to talk to him.  You both need to get your shit together, before you give me an aneurysm.”

“I know.  We talked yesterday, but it didn’t really clear anything up.  I think I just need closure.”  Harry takes the last bits of eggs and muffin into his mouth and chews thoughtfully.

“Closure?  Haz, you don’t need closure!  You guys have gotta just be honest with each other about your feelings, work things out, and be together.  None of this back and forth shit!”  Niall says.

“It’s not that easy, Niall,” Harry argues, putting his face into his hands and rubbing his temples.

“But it can be.  Just do it, what have you got to lose?  You’ve already lost the love of your life once, don’t let it happen again.”

Niall’s words feel like a bucket of ice water, but reality sometimes feels that way and he appreciates his friend’s ability to say things like they are.  The words echo in his head throughout the day as he thinks carefully of what to do next.

 

*

 

**_Valentine’s Day 2012_ **

 

_Louis is having a really shitty day.  His internship is kicking his arse, and on top of that he has one of the biggest papers of his uni career due in just a few days and he hasn’t even have time to start it.  And to top it all off it's Valentine’s Day and his boyfriend is halfway across the world._

_Under normal circumstances Louis wouldn’t give two shits about Valentine’s Day because why were people given a specific day to celebrate love?  To him it seemed ludicrous, and he and Harry didn’t normally partake in it because they didn’t feel the need to.  They loved each other and showed it each and every day they were together.  But now, having to be in a long distance relationship it gets hard a lot of times and seeing couples being lovey dovey, getting flowers and chocolates and all that...well, Louis would give anything to have Harry here with him to do all those cheesy things.  Instead, he’ll be lucky to get a Skype call or a text from him, since they’ve both been incredibly busy with their own things._

_When Louis gets to his flat, he’s an exhausted mess, he drops his bag and keys off to the side as soon as he enters the door.  He suddenly stops right in front of his and Liam’s kitchen table because on top of it is a huge bouquet of red roses.  They must be Liam’s from Zayn, he thinks.  He leans in to inhale the beautiful flowers, and he sighs.  Liam walks into the kitchen, startling Louis._

" _Hey mate, nice flowers,” Louis mentions as he finishes taking off his coat._

_Liam’s eyebrows furrow, “Those aren’t mine.  They’re for you.”  His roommate smiles at him knowingly._

_Louis’ stomach flutters, “Mine?”_

_Liam nods, “Yeah, they arrived about an hour ago.  There’s a card right there,” he points at the center of the flower arrangement, and oh._

_Louis smiles and immediately takes the card.  It’s in a black envelope with his name on it in gold lettering.  Louis rips it open and pulls the card out._

 

**_Louis,_ **

 

**_I’m sorry if this is a bit cliche but I miss doing cheesy cliche things with you.  These red roses aren’t just for you because it’s Valentine’s Day, but red roses often symbolize love and longing._ **

 

**_I live for you, I long for you, and I love you._ **

 

**_Always have and always will._ **

 

**_Hxx_ **

 

_And it’s like all the emotions he’s had bottled up inside just make their way out, and Louis is tearing up.  Liam hugs him to try and comfort him, but eventually he has to leave to meet up with Zayn.  So Louis changes into his sweats and Harry’s jumper before he lays in bed to call Harry who should hopefully be on his lunch break by now._

_"Hey, Lou,” Harry answers and Louis can’t help tear up again._

_“Haz, I love you so much,” he croaks into the phone, “It’s been pretty shit lately, and just, thank you.”_

_“I miss you so much Lou, and I just...I needed to show you how much you mean to me even from all the way over here,” and Louis could tell that Harry’s voice is getting a little shaky too._

_“I miss you too, you’ve no idea.”_

" _Just know that my love for you will die when the last rose withers away, okay?”_

_Louis was confused, “What do you mean?  Your love for me will die in a week?”_

_Harry chuckles, “You didn’t really look at the bouquet, did you?”_

_Louis gets out of bed and walks over to the vase where his roses came in.  He runs his fingers through each flower and oh.  One of the roses is made out of silk._

_“There’s a silk rose in here,” he tells Harry._

_“I’m aware of that,” Louis can hear the smile in Harry’s voice, “So the last rose will never die or wither, just like my love for you.”_

_Louis smiles, “You’re such a sap,” he says, caressing the rose between his fingers._

_“Yeah, well, like I said, I miss being a sap with you.”_

_And Louis will admit that he missed being a sap with Harry too._

 

*

[Far Away- Nickleback](https://open.spotify.com/track/0G53JYumT2vVxRGOtROlXk)

 

It’s been over a week since Harry last saw Louis at the club and he’s worried because Louis has been MIA from their group’s get togethers since then.  Apparently he told Zayn he was going on holiday for a few days, but no one really knows where or when he’ll be back.  Harry hasn’t tried calling or messaging him either because Louis obviously wants space and he wants to give it to him.  However, he can’t help but wonder in the back of his mind what might be going on with him.  He’s used to seeing him nearly every day now, and not getting to see him for a week is feeling like an eternity, bringing back memories of his time in LA that he’d rather not think about right now.

Harry decides to not think about it anymore, and after he ends his shift at the bakery he stops at the store to grab his favorite Ben and Jerry’s ice cream, some crisps, and wine.  Things have been going well, he’d gone and posted his EP online for the public to access it after the thousands of comments that were left in his video asking where they could get their hands on his music.  It feels great knowing that there’s people out there enjoying his music, and the pub where he performed even invited him to do another show with more songs, which he’s preparing for in a few weeks.  He’s been dodging calls from Jake, who has been trying to get Harry to reconsider, but it isn’t happening.  The lads agree with him and think he’s made the right decision.

When Harry gets to his flat, he’s glad to know Niall won’t be home until late, so he’ll have the place to himself.  He puts the wine in the fridge, the ice cream in the freezer and hops in the shower.  After the shower he decides to put on a face-mask, since he’s been really slacking on his skin care lately with all the craziness happening.  As soon as he finishes applying the mint green mask, he walks towards the kitchen to pour himself a glass of wine before settling in the lounge to watch Skam.  He’d already had his laptop hooked up to his tv, knowing he was finally going to have time tonight to watch the latest season.  

He opens his bag of crisps as soon as Even starts stealing all the paper towels from the dispenser in front of Isak.  In that same moment someone knocks on the door.  Harry scrunches his face, confused about who it could be, the mask feels stiff on his face and he remembers he has to wash it off in just a few minutes as he pauses the show to see who it is.  

When he opens the door he doesn’t expect to see Louis at the other end, looking like a deer in headlights when he sees Harry.

“Um, hi Haz,” he greets, obviously surprised by Harry’s appearance, but nervous, as if Harry might instantly reject him and make him leave.

“Hey Lou,” Harry says, and it’s a good thing his face is covered in green shit because he’d be blushing furiously right now, having been caught looking the way he does. “Niall’s not here if you’re looking for him.”

Louis shakes his head, “I actually came to see you.”

And okay…”Oh, okay, sure come in,” he says, opening the door wider to let Louis walk inside. “If you’ll just give me a few minutes, let me go wash this off my face, and I’ll be right back.”

Louis tries to hide a smile, “Okay.”

Harry nearly runs to the bathroom, rushing to wash his mask off, drying off with a towel and making sure none of it got on his hair.  When he comes back out, he finds Louis sitting on the armrest of the couch.

“Do you want some wine or anything?  I was just watching tv and having a night in.”

“I’m alright, thanks,” Louis tells him, so Harry sits on the couch where he could face Louis.

“So, what’s up?”  Harry’s stomach turns and he finds himself hoping this isn’t like in ‘Friends’ when Ross sat Rachel down and told her he couldn’t be friends with her anymore because of Emily.  He really hopes it hasn’t gotten to that point, because Harry doesn’t know what he’ll do if he loses Louis again.

Louis looks at Harry up and down and stops at his arm, “What’s that?” he points.  His eyes frozen on the fresh ink on Harry’s arm.

Shit.  Harry had forgotten.  He was wearing a white t shirt and grey trackies, knowing he was going to get warm with the wine deciding to do away with a jumper.  Harry looks down at his arm and runs his finger across his newest tattoo.

“It’s um...it’s a rose.”  And it’s like his tattoo can feel the heat of Louis’ stare or something because it starts to itch, but Harry refrains since it’s still in the healing stages.

Louis’ eyes fill with something...Hope?  Harry isn’t quite sure.  “What’s the meaning behind it?”  Louis asks.  His voice is on edge, like he’s about to snap.

Harry is sure Louis didn’t come over to question him about his tattoo that he didn’t even know about until he walked in here.  Either way, he decides to be honest.  “Love...and um...longing.”  He looks at Louis, hoping he remembers.  Remembers that day years ago, when all Harry did was long for Louis, to be near him.  To do every cliche thing imaginable with him, and love him like he deserves to be loved.

Louis’ eyes widen and it’s like it clicks in his mind.  He _remembers_.  Harry smiles and before he can say anything else Louis stands up and surges towards him, and Harry doesn’t even have time to react, he practically catches Louis on his lap as his lips land on his own.  It’s like being able to finally breathe again after being submerged underwater.  It’s familiar, it’s intoxicating, it’s so many things at once and Harry is trying to make sense of everything that’s happening.  Louis grabs his face to deepen their kiss, his tongue licking into Harry’s mouth.  Louis tastes like tea and mint, like coming home after a long day.  

Their kiss stops as they try to catch their breath, Louis’ forehead is leaning against Harry’s.  Harry runs his hands up and down Louis’ sides, “Lou, what is this?”

Louis pulls back to get a better look at Harry, he runs his thumb across Harry’s wet bottom lip and Harry nibbles on it, he can’t help it.  Louis smiles, “I came to tell you that I’m in love with you and that I want to be with you, but,” he looks down at Harry’s rose tattoo again, “I got a bit distracted.”

Harry’s cheeks pink up, “Yeah, sorry about that,” his eyes linger on the tattoo on his arm, “I got it because I had resigned myself to loving you for the rest of my life whether we ended up together or not.”

Louis lips part open in wonder, “You did?”  He seems to be tracing the ink with his eyes, like he wants to touch it, marveling at it.

Harry nods, “I wanted to talk to you too,”  his voice is a bit shaky as he shrugs, “but Zayn said you were on holiday and I decided to give you your space.”

Louis hums and is about to lean back into a kiss when Harry stops him, “Lou, wait.”

Louis looks at him, his eyes full of desire, “What is it?”

Harry bites his lip, he doesn’t want to ruin the mood, but he just wants to clear the air before he can let anything else happen, “What about Brad?”

Louis’ smile falls a little for a quick second but then it returns, “We broke up a week ago.  I told him I was in love with you.”

They gaze at each other for a brief moment before they jump back into each other, and even though there’s still a million questions swirling around in Harry’s brain, it feels like a weight’s been lifted off his shoulders.  He has the love of his life in his arms, and now there is no one and nothing that can keep them apart.  Their kiss quickly turns heated, needy.  It’s been four years without the taste of Louis on his lips, and Harry is going to make the most of it.  They end up lying on the couch, Harry on his back with Louis straddling him on top.

Eventually the clothes come off, first Louis’ jumper and t-shirt and then he makes a move to remove Harry’s.  Harry sits up and just as he’s lifting it through Harry’s head, Louis gasps.

“Holy shit...Harry.”

When Harry looks at Louis’ face, his mouth and eyes are wide and he’s staring at Harry’s chest.  More specifically, at Harry’s pierced nipples.  Harry smirks.

“Do you like them?”

Louis closes his mouth, then opens it, then closes it again before stuttering, “I fucking love them,” he says, awestruck.  “When did you get those?”  He asks as he idly rubs the cool metal against his index finger.

Harry’s body shivers at the sensation, “About a year ago.”

“Fuck, that’s so hot,” he groans as he kisses Harry again, grinding down on Harry’s crotch while he does so.  Harry can’t believe this is his life right now.  With Louis on top of him, kissing him, and practically dry humping him.  He cups Louis’ bumcheeks, eliciting a whine from Louis.

Harry decides this isn’t where he wants to make love to Louis for the first time in years.  He moves his hands down to Louis’ thighs and grabs them as he lifts himself off from the couch taking Louis with him.  Louis yelps, surprised by Harry’s movements and he laughs, wrapping his arms around Harry’s neck.

“Fuck, don’t drop me, please!”  Louis giggles.

“I’ve got you,” Harry assures him as Louis places his legs around Harry’s torso and Harry walks them towards his bedroom.  Harry shoves the door open with his shoulder, and he places Louis gently on the bed.

Harry takes the rest of his clothes off, thankful he’s got on sweats and not his tight ass skinny jeans, and then moves to take Louis’ jeans off along with his pants.  Louis’ cock bounces against his belly with Harry’s quick movements.

“God, I missed your cock,” Harry breathes out, and he takes it into his mouth without preamble.  

He suckles at the head, working his hand along the base, and the little noises that Louis makes only urge him to keep going.  Louis’ hand makes it into Harry’s hair and he tugs on it, making him moan on Louis’ dick.  Harry goes to lick the underside and then takes one of Louis’ balls into his mouth, sucking on it gently, making Louis cry out so prettily.  Harry pulls away and needs a few seconds to catch his breath.  He looks up at Louis whose fringe is all over the place, his chest is heaving as he’s panting with his mouth parted open. He’s absolutely wrecked and Harry has only just begun.  

Harry taps Louis’ leg, “Turn around for me,” he tells him, his voice hoarse with desire.  

It takes Louis a moment, but he does as he’s told, rolling over onto his belly with minimal effort.  He folds his arms and rests his head on them as he looks over his shoulder to see what Harry’s next move is going to be.

Harry leans over to kiss Louis chastely on the lips before he begins to drag his fingers down Louis’ spine, prompting Louis’ body to shiver as he goes.  His hand stops right above Louis’ crack, so he brings both hands--one on each cheek--and spreads him open, exposing Louis’ pretty, pink hole.  Harry can feel Louis’ body shaking in anticipation, so he lowers his face to get closer to his bum.  Harry has always been a big fan of Louis’ arse, the look of it, the taste of it, even the smell of it.  He breathes in and blows air out and Louis twitches.

“Harry, please,” Louis begs.  

Harry knows he’s being a tease, but he’s still taking everything in, familiarizing himself again with every inch of Louis’ body, his smell, his taste, _everything._  Finally, _finally,_ he decides to put him and Louis out of their misery and swipes his tongue over Louis’ rim.  Louis squirms under the touch, but Harry can tell he’s trying his best to stay still.  He moves his tongue in circles around the rim a few times before licking into him.  Harry lets the tip of his tongue fuck into Louis, and God, Harry could come just from eating Louis out.  He closes his eyes, to get himself together, before he continues on his rhythm.  

After a few minutes, Harry feels like he’s in a trance, before he feels Louis pull him off.  His eyes go wide, and when he sees Louis, he recovers.  “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, just — just don’t wanna come from this.  Wanna come on your cock,” Louis tells him, catching his breath.

Harry smiles against Louis’ arse, a little embarrassed that he let himself get so carried away, “Sorry, just really missed this,” he says, tapping his finger lightly against Louis’ hole, making him jump.

Louis is trembling beneath him, and Harry puts a reassuring hand on his back.  “Are you sure about this?”  

Louis looks over his shoulder, his eyes filled with tears, “Yes, Harry _please_ .  I missed you so much, I _need_ you.”  His voice is desperate and so, so needy, Harry can’t deny him anything.

Harry’s heart feels so full, he feels like he could combust with how much he loves this boy so fucking much.  He can’t believe they’re here, in this place, with Louis underneath him.  He feels so damn lucky.  “Okay, okay, I’ve got you baby,” he breathes.

Harry reaches over to his nightstand to grab his lube and a condom.  He sets the condom aside and opens the bottle of lube, pouring some onto his fingers and over Louis’ hole.  It doesn’t take long to work Louis up to three fingers, before Louis urges him to “get on with it”, so Harry takes the condom and rolls it on, lubing himself up in the process and hoping he can last a little longer.  

It’s been years since he’s been inside of Louis, and tonight is not the night for his body to betray him.  With a silent prayer, and with Louis kneeling on all fours, Harry positions himself and pushes into him in one swift motion.  Louis cries out, a long erotic keen that makes Harry lose his breath.  He remembers, with a sudden rush of lust filled memories, how _good_ Louis sounds when they fuck — how he completely gives himself over to it, to Harry.  

He gives himself a moment to breathe, and to not shoot off into the condom right there.  He’s holding onto Louis’ hips like a life preserve, keeping him still.  Luckily, Louis doesn’t try to move, probably knows that Harry needs a minute.  Then, it’s like muscle memory, and Harry pulls out nearly all the way and pushes back in, hard, punching the air out of Louis, making him moan high and hoarse.  Harry’s rhythm is fast paced and unforgiving, but when he finds himself getting close to the edge he slows down, grinding his hips against Louis’.  

Harry then pounds into him again, and he knows he’s hit Louis’ prostate when Louis screams, “Right there!  Right fucking there!”  Harry gradually increases his pace again, their hips slapping into each other, back and forth.  Louis’ arse looks incredible, bouncing against his dick, and it’s so mesmerizing to watch.

“Haz — Haz...wanna ride you,” Louis pants, reaching back to still Harry by gripping one of his hands that is clutching Louis’ hip with a death grip.

“Y--yeah.  Yeah.”  Harry groans as he pulls out, missing the hot, tight hold of Louis’ arse immediately.  

Harry lays on his back, and Louis turns around with his back towards Harry, surprising him.  He used to love watching Louis ride him like this, it was one of his favorite positions — he’d often beg Louis to do it just so he could watch the curved line of Louis’ back move like a serpentine while he writhed on Harry’s cock.  Louis reaches behind himself for Harry’s dick and lifts himself up before he takes it towards his eager hole, slowly sitting on it until he’s fully bottomed out.  Harry wishes he could take a picture of this image in front of him--Louis’ arse is going to be the death of him

Harry is about to grab hold of Louis hips, but Louis slaps them away, “No baby, you just lay back and enjoy,” he tells him in his teasing voice.

Harry smiles, and relents, folding his arms behind his head making sure he’s got a perfect view.  Louis looks over his shoulder, winks at him before he lifts himself up and then grinds down.  This visual is so much better than the other position.  With every movement that Louis makes, his arse jiggles so beautifully, Harry wants to reach out and pinch it.  Harry refrains from doing that for now, but he does try to lift his own hips a bit to meet Louis’ each time.

“God, baby, you look so good taking me like this,”  Harry groans out.  “Reminds me of —”  Louis chose that moment to clench tightly as he ground down sinfully.  

Harry feels like he’s going to black out, it feels so good.  He finally gives in and squeezes Louis’ bum as he continues to work himself over.  “Fuck, I’m not gonna last much longer, Lou.”

In that moment, Louis increases his rhythm, and Harry holds onto his waist this time and Louis lets him.  Harry can tell Louis is about to come too, with the way his body is trembling and his head is tilted back, his eyes towards the ceiling.

“Oh. My. God.”  Louis moans and his entire body twitches as he’s coming.  Harry tightens his hold on him, Louis’ body has become pliant with the force of his orgasm, and it only takes a few more thrusts before Harry is coming as well.

“Fuck!”  Harry pulls Louis into him, both still connected to each other as they catch their breath.  He holds onto Louis like a lifeline, their bodies are sweaty and sticky, and it’s everything he’s ever wanted, and more.  So much more.

Eventually, they finally separate, Harry pulls out of Louis and discards the condom and brings them a wet flannel to wipe off with.  Once they’ve cleaned up they cuddle again, this time they’re facing each other, just looking into each other’s eyes.  Louis’ eyes are heavy lidded, and Harry’s own feel the same way, but he doesn’t want to fall asleep, not yet.

“I missed you so fucking much, Louis,” Harry whispers against Louis’ face before kissing him chastely on the lips.  He runs his fingers against Louis’ sweaty hair sweeping it out of his eyes, “I can’t believe I get to have you like this again.”

Louis’ smiles lazily, his eyes still half closed, “Missed you too.  So much,” he nearly slurs, before his eyes completely close.  

Harry knows that he and Louis still have a lot they need to sort out.  But right now he wants to relish in this moment, with the love of his life, in this feeling of being together, intertwined like two interconnected parts of the same puzzle; impossible to tell where one begins or where the other ends.  

 

*

 

The sunlight peeking through the crack of the closed curtains is what stirs Louis awake the next morning.  He blinks one eye open, then the other, wiping away the sleep from them.  He looks around, it’s quiet for the most part, except for the soft noise of the distant London traffic.  Louis is settled facing Harry, his arm encircled snugly against Harry’s waist.  He can smell his hair, the cherry blossom shampoo he loves so much, that Harry apparently hasn’t stopped using to this day.  It makes him smile because in some ways, there are things that haven’t changed after all this time they’ve spent apart.

Harry stirs a bit before he settles down again, and Louis just lies there, watching him sleep.  He doesn’t necessarily snore, but his breath lets out these little whistling sounds that Louis finds so adorable.  He could just watch him sleep all day.  Louis is still rather surprised by last night’s events.  He would think it was all a dream, but the dull ache in his bum serves as a candid reminder that it was all real.  He wasn’t planning on kissing, let alone sleeping with Harry when he ended up at his front door yesterday.  He just wanted to talk, tell him how he felt, and maybe decide where to go from there.  Never in his life did he picture Harry getting a tattoo of a rose that would bring such vivid and precious memories about one of the many lovely moments in their relationship.

Louis shakes his head fondly at the thought.  To think that this entire time, Harry was feeling the same way about Louis, that it wasn’t just one sided.  Just the thought of it makes him wish he’d ended things with Brad sooner.  Though it’s unfair to Brad, it was even more unfair for Louis to stay with him despite his feelings for Harry that resurfaced as soon as he got back into town.  Louis shakes those thoughts away, because he doesn’t want to dwell in the past any longer.  All he wants to do is be here, with Harry, and talk about their future.  

It might not have been the wisest decision to sleep together without talking things out first, but they let their emotions get the best of them which is probably how they got into this whole mess to begin with.  Louis gently removes himself from the bed, doing his best not to wake Harry.  He covers him up with the duvet, throws on the nearest pair of joggers, rolling them at the waist, and tiptoes into the bathroom, desperately needing a wee.  

The flat is rather quiet, but it’s still early enough that Louis knows Niall won’t get out of bed before noon on the weekends.  He quickly does his business and cleans up, but he doesn’t really want to go back to bed.  Feeling wide awake and refreshed, he goes to the kitchen and turns on the kettle.  While he waits for the water to boil, he browses through the fridge and cabinets to see if there’s anything he can work with to make for breakfast.  He glances at the clock on the microwave, and he’s got plenty of time before Niall wakes.  Harry, on the other hand, he isn’t sure of, he just remembers that he was a morning person but that might’ve changed throughout the years, who knows.

Okay, so maybe Louis wants to show off a little bit, being his first morning after with Harry in years and he wants to show that he’s changed too.  One of the things being that he’s improved greatly in the kitchen, so he decides to do a fry up.  He spends meticulous amounts of time working on every ingredient, even making sure that the food is placed as neatly as possible on each plate.  By the time he’s nearly finished he hears the sound of a door creaking open and soft footsteps approaching.

Harry’s face is a mixture of confused, sleepy, and maybe a little sad, and when he sees Louis in the kitchen his eyes go wide and he immediately brightens. “What is this?”

Louis pours tea into mugs and hands one over to Harry, “Well good morning to you too, Harold.”

Harry chuckles, taking a sip of his warm tea and he closes his eyes savoring the taste.  “Mmm, good morning.”  Harry’s eyes keep shifting towards him, as if he feels he might be in a dream and Louis is just a figment of his imagination.

“Alright?  I made us all breakfast,” he tells Harry as he gestures towards the plates he prepared, which he thinks he absolutely smashed if he does say so himself.

Harry looks down at his mug, his cheeks flush rosy pink, “I’m fine, I just…” he sighs, “I thought you’d left and regretted last night, or that maybe I’d imagined it or summat.”  Harry shrugs, tentatively looking at Louis’ direction.

Louis’ smile drops, “Oh.  Well, I didn’t and you didn’t imagine it, see?” He pinches Harry on the arm.

“Oww,” Harry whines as he slaps Louis’ hand away and rubs the sore spot.

They both laugh, and that seems to break the weird tension that had somehow built between them.

“Alright, well, your plate is ready, go on and tuck in, I’m gonna wake up our little leprechaun,” Louis tells him as he starts heading towards Niall’s bedroom with his breakfast plate in hand.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you, it’s not even noon yet,” Harry warns him.

Louis waves his hand dismissively, “Nonsense, once he sees what I’ve cooked up for him he won’t even care about what time it is.”  He bangs on Niall’s door.

The door swings open with a rumpled haired Niall, who’s got pillow marks on his face, and eyes that are ready to kill.

“WHAT THE FUCK?” He growls, but when his eyes land on Louis his mouth drops, “Louis?”  His gaze drops down to the plate in Louis’ hands, “Oh my God, I love you so much!”  He takes the plate from Louis and scurries to the kitchen, grabbing a fork before he plops down next to Harry, shoving a mouthful of fry up into his mouth.  His eyes roll to the back of his head as he moans while he chews what’s in his mouth.

Meanwhile, Louis is still standing in front of Niall’s room, trying to process what the hell just happened.  He laughs at his friend’s ridiculousness and joins them at the table with his own tea and plate in his hands.  They all sit in comfortable silence.  That is, until Niall takes a second to breathe from wolfing down his food to make himself a cuppa.

He gestures between Harry and Louis, “So what’s all this?”  He quirks his eyebrow pointedly.

Both Harry and Louis look down at their plates, then look at each other before they smile like two teenage boys who’ve got a crush.  Harry finally speaks up.

“Lou spent the night,” he says as he picks at his food with his fork avoiding Niall’s, no doubt, questioning look.

Niall drops his fork, making a loud noise against his plate, “What?”  His head moves to Louis, then to Harry, as if one of them is going to jump out and tell him they’re joking.  “So what does this mean then?”

The kitchen is quiet for a few minutes and both Louis and Harry refuse to look at Niall.

“Hello?” Niall snaps his fingers to get their attention.

Louis decides to give in, “We don’t know, Niall, we didn’t really do much talking last night,” he tells him, shooting a knowing look towards Harry who instantly blushes, “I told Harry I was in love with him and that I ended things with Brad, and things sort of transpired after that…didn’t leave much room for talking.”  He winks at him.

“Oh my God, please stop,” Niall begs, scrunching his face in disgust, “I already know enough about your sex life, don’t need the details.”

Harry and Louis laugh, “Oh lighten up, Nialler, we’re all adults here.”

“Ugh, whatever, you tossers,” he stands up, placing his plate in the sink. “I’m gonna get ready for the day, and leave you two alone.  Please, talk and get your shit together before you give me an ulcer.”  Niall leaves them as he heads back to his room, closing the door behind him.

They both watch after him fondly, avoiding each other’s gaze before Harry stands up, “Are you finished?”

Louis nods and Harry takes their plates towards the sink, turning on the water and quickly washing the dishes.  This was always their routine — whoever cooks relaxes after the meal, while the other washes.  Louis is amazed at the comfort of it, as he watches the muscles move and shift over Harry’s back and shoulders.  He takes a deep breath, working to keep his thoughts pure, and then he drains the rest of his tea and waits for Harry to finish.

“So…”

Harry sighs, “So…”

“I guess we should talk then?”  Louis looks at Harry expectantly.

Harry nods, “I guess so.” He looks nervous, as he runs his hand through his hair.  “So where do we go from here?”

Louis leads Harry to the couch and reaches out for him, pulling him into his arms.  Louis nuzzles his nose into Harry’s hair, already growing as little curls try to make their way onto the surface.  He kisses him on the top of his head.  Finally Louis speaks, “Well, I love you.  I want to be with you.  I want to make it work this time.” Harry leans into Louis’ touch as he runs his hands through Harry’s baby curls.  

Harry pulls away and his eyes look hopeful, happy.  He smiles and the dents in his cheeks are more prominent than ever, “Me too.  I love you so much,” he leans in and kisses Louis on the lips, “I’m so sorry for everything, I just...I feel like I owe you an apology.  I didn’t handle things the right way, back then, and I lost you and I’m so sorry.”  Harry’s eyes fill with tears and Louis immediately reaches out to wipe his eyes.

“None of that, love.  It’s all in the past now, let’s focus on the present, and the future.  Let’s promise that we’ll do things differently this time, not giving up on each other so easily, okay?”  Louis gazes at Harry with as much sincerity as he can muster.

Harry nods, “Yes, God, please Lou.  I promise I’ll do things differently this time, I don’t want to fuck it up again.  I won’t.”  Harry takes Louis’ hand and kisses him on each knuckle as if he’s imprinting his promise onto his skin.

“Me either.”

They kiss again, this time with more fervor.  Louis feels like when they were teenagers and they couldn’t keep their hands off each other.  Harry pulls away, his lips looking obscenely wet and reddened.

“Lou?”

“Yes, Harry?”

Harry looks down at their joined hands, his cheeks pinkening up before he looks back at Louis, “Will you be my boyfriend?”  He’s smiling now, showing his teeth and everything, and Louis can’t help but mirror the same smile.  “Again,” he adds with an air of mischievousness.

“I’d love to,” Louis says, “Again.”  And then they are kissing, smiles on their faces, hands hot on each other’s bodies.  

“Oi!  Take it to the bedroom, you sex crazed maniacs!” Niall bursts out of his room.

Both Harry and Louis giggle.

“So all good then?” Niall asks them as he grabs his keys from their coffee table.

Harry nods, “Meet my boyfriend,” he tilts his head towards Louis.  

Niall’s eyes widen comically, “It’s about damn time!”  He hugs them both and then excuses himself telling them he’s got some errands to run before his shift at the pub but makes them promise to stop by later.

With the flat to themselves, Harry and Louis decide to watch How I Met Your Mother on Netflix.  Louis settles for laying his head on Harry’s lap on the couch, as Harry runs his fingers through Louis’ hair while they watch the show.  It feels so good, Louis finds his eyes wanting to close at the sensation of it, and for a moment he gives in.  

“Lou?”

Louis startles awake, not having realized he’d fallen asleep, “I’m sorry what?”  He yawns and stretches out his arms and legs.

He looks up at Harry and he’s smiling, “I was saying if you wanted anything to snack on, I’m gonna go get something to drink.”

Louis can’t help but mirror the same smile, shaking his head he says, “I’m good, thanks.”  He moves out of Harry’s way to let him off the couch and lays back down, his eyes instantly closing as he does.

There’s a hot tightness that wakes Louis up from his slumber, and as he flutters his eyes open he’s met with a head of baby curls bobbing up and down on his cock.  Louis moans at the sight.

“Harry, fuck!”

Harry’s eyes meet Louis’ as he continues to suck on his dick, his cheeks are hollowed out and his lips are so pink and plump.  Harry was made to suck his dick, he thinks, with the way he expertly continues to work his mouth on him, Louis doesn’t think it will take him much longer to come.

Louis puts a hand on Harry’s shoulder to stop him.  “Haz, wait,” he’s out of breath from just a few sucks, _god_ that mouth is a damn miracle.

Harry pops off, making an obscene slurping sound as he looks at Louis with watery eyes, filled with want.

“Wanna fuck you,” Louis says, voice broken, and Harry is instantly nodding.

“Yes, please, god, yes.”  Harry stands up, shedding his clothes, Louis follows suit by taking his off as well.  “I’ll be right back,” he calls as he disappears into his room for a quick minute, returning with lube and a condom.

“Over my lap sweetie,” Louis instructs, as he has Harry lay across his lap with his arse up in the air.  He takes the lube and coats his fingers generously with it as he works one finger after the next to open Harry up.  Harry squirms a bit at the sensation of Louis’ fingers, but Louis places a hand on his back, which calms him down.  “Let me hear you baby.”

Harry makes the sweetest and most lovely sounds, especially when he’s got Louis’ fingers inside of him.  Louis’ missed it so much, and he’d forgotten how worked up it gets him seeing how much Harry is affected.  Before he knows it, he’s three fingers in, and Louis can feel the precome leaking from Harry’s cock on his lap, so he decides Harry’s ready.

“Up baby,” Louis nudges Harry and he easily complies.  Harry straddles Louis’ legs, as Louis holds onto his cock, guiding it to Harry’s hole as he begins to lower himself.  “That’s it.”

Harry’s biting his bottom lip as Louis enters him, slowly at first, letting Harry adjust.  Harry closes his eyes, until he’s completely seated on Louis’ cock.  Louis grabs a hold of Harry’s hips, kissing him on the cheeks, and then on the lips.

“You okay?”

Harry nods, “I’m good.”  His voice already sounds so fucked out, Louis has to brace himself not to come right there on the spot.  

Harry swivels his hips experimentally at first, grinding in slow circular motions, as if getting used to the feeling of Louis, trying to remember what it felt like to be fucked by him.  Harry’s arms come up to wrap themselves around Louis’ neck before he starts moving his hips with more purpose, lifting them up and slamming them back down, nearly knocking the air out of Louis.

Louis buries his face into Harry’s neck, nipping at his skin, surely leaving his mark.  His grip on Harry’s waist only tightens, as they get into a good rhythm.

“Fuck, you feel so good baby.  So tight,” Louis groans.  Harry moves his head to the side to give him more access to the length of his neck.

“Your cock feels amazing,” Harry pants, he’s working himself up so much, Louis’ not sure how much longer he’ll last.

Their thrusts start to get shaky, and Harry’s holding on to Louis for dear life.  “You gonna come on my cock, Harry?”

Harry whines, “Yeah, _fuck_ yeah.”  And then he yells out in pure ecstasy, ropes of come decorating each of their chests.  

“Good boy,” Louis grunts, before he chases his own orgasm, filling up the condom.  “ _Shit_.”

Harry is wrapped languidly around Louis, his head resting on Louis’ shoulder as they catch their breath.  Louis kisses him on top of his head, “I love you.”

Harry’s eyes trail up to meet Louis’ smiling sated, “Love you too.”

They don’t move for a few minutes, but eventually the detach themselves, their bodies feeling sticky with sweat and come.

As they are getting cleaned up and re-dressed side by side in the bathroom a few minutes later, Louis asks Harry, “So, do you have any plans tonight?  Thought maybe we can go out for dinner or something?”

“Oh fuck.”  Harry runs into his room and comes back out with his cell phone in hand.  “I’m sorry I can’t tonight, I promised Ed I’d meet him for dinner since he’s in town for a couple of days.”  Harry looks really bummed about having to turn down Louis’ invitation.

Louis pulls Harry into his arms and kisses him on the cheek, “Don’t worry love, just meet me after at the pub.  We can go to dinner another time.”

Harry lets out a deep sigh, “Yeah, but I’d rather spend my time with you.  But also I haven’t seen Ed in ages.”

Louis smiles, “It’s alright.  You’ll just have to buy me a drink when you get back, okay?”

Harry agrees.  “How about…” Harry runs his hands down Louis chest, “You join me in the shower before I have to get ready to meet with him?”  His eyebrow raises suggestively and Louis very much likes where his thought process is going.

Louis leans in to kiss Harry on the lips, “Mmm, I love that idea.”

 

*

  
The shower with Louis took a bit longer than they’d both anticipated, and now Harry was rushing to get to dinner with Ed.  He bustled into the Italian restaurant Ed had texted him to meet him at, and was greeted by the hostess who led him to the back into a private area where his friend was patiently waiting for him.  Ed had found success with his music a couple of years ago, so the privacy was needed if they didn’t want to be bombarded with fans who keep interrupting their dinner.    
  
“Hey, so sorry I’m late,” Harry says, catching his breath from nearly running over here.

Ed stands up from his chair to embrace him in a hug, “No worries mate, glad you could make it.  It’s been so long.”

Harry hugs him back, before they each take their seat.  The waitress approaches them and they both order something to drink as they continue to look at their menus.  “God I know, I think the last time I saw you, you were still trying to get signed, and now look at you, mister famous music star.”

Ed blushes with Harry’s words, “It’s been a crazy few years, that’s for sure...So how have you been?  Last I heard you were in LA working at a pretty famous record label.”

Harry tries not to wince as LA still brings him bad memories, “I’m good.  I actually just moved back over a month ago.  Things didn’t really work out over there,” he shrugs.  He’s gotten better at not feeling sorry for himself anymore, and now that he’s got Louis again, he’ll never regret his decision to leave LA.

“I’m sorry to hear that.  What have you been up to in good old London then?”  Before Harry can answer, the waitress is back with their drinks and takes their orders before she excuses herself again.

“Well, I work at a bakery, and the lads and I recorded some songs.  I performed over at that fancy pub _The Edge of Town_ during one of their open mic nights.  Apparently a video of my performance went viral, so I posted the EP we recorded online.  I’m up for another gig there in a few weeks.”  Ed is listening intently the entire time as he speaks, and when he finishes, Harry reaches for his drink.

“Wow, that’s great, Haz.  Have you heard from any labels yet?”

The waitress arrives with their food, because apparently being Ed Sheeran means you don’t have to wait long for your food.  Harry takes a bite of his lobster risotto and goes on to tell Ed everything.  About Jake, and his trip over here.  How Jake tried to get him to meet with Jenkins.  How Harry refused because he knew the way he mistreated his artists.  How he doesn’t mind waiting for the right deal to come through, and in the meantime he’ll just keep making music and working at the bakery.

They finish up their dinner as Ed catches Harry up on his life.  On how he’s about to release his new album and go on a promotional tour around the world.  How he’s about to headline his first world tour and how excited he is.  Harry is so ecstatic for his friend.  He remembers when Ed used to crash at his and Louis’ flat all those years ago, and now here he was becoming a well known artist.  He couldn’t be happier.

“So, there’s actually a reason why I asked to meet with you today,” Ed starts as they’re digging into their desserts.  (Harry is still a struggling musician and isn’t about to deny his famous friend from buying him dinner and making the most of it.)

Harry takes a bite off his crème brûlée and his eyebrows furrow in curiosity, “Oh yeah?  And what’s that?”

Ed seems unsure at first, he doesn’t say anything for a few seconds before he finally says, “How would you feel about being my opening act for the tour?”  

Harry freezes,  his spoonful of crème brûlée paused in mid air, his mouth and eyes wide.  His ears are ringing, and he isn’t sure if someone might have turned up the heat in here as he suddenly feels very hot.

“Say what?”

Ed chuckles at Harry’s reaction, “I want you to be my opening act, Harry.  I’ve seen the video, I’ve downloaded the EP and I love it.  I think you’d be perfect.  I showed it to my team and they all agree. The tour starts in a few months, kicking off here in London.”

Harry doesn’t know what to say.  He doesn’t know what to think.  Because all of a sudden one of his dreams is coming true and he’s not really sure what to do.  It’s like everything around him is going in slow motion, and he’s stuck in place unsure of what his next move is going to be.

“Harry?”

“I’m...wow.  Oh my god.”  Harry sounds like a blubbering idiot, but he doesn’t even care because this is _it_.  This is how it all begins for him.

“Does that mean you’ll do it?”  Ed looks at him hopefully, with his hands clasped together as if praying that he’ll agree.

“I...I don’t know Ed, I’ve got…I’ve got to think about it, yeah?”  Harry says, still stunned.

Ed nods, “Alright, I can give you some time to think about it, but please consider it.  You’re so talented, and I think you’d be amazing.”

Harry blushes, “Thank you, Ed.  Thank you so much, for even just thinking about me.”

After dinner, Ed and Harry say their goodbyes, with Harry promising to give him an answer as soon as possible.  Instead of going to the pub like he’d agreed, he decides to go to the flat instead.  He needs time to think, time to consider his options.  This is the opportunity of a lifetime for him, one that he’ll probably never get again in his life.  On the other hand, he can’t help but think how this will affect his relationship with Louis.  They literally just got back together, and Harry doesn’t want to do anything to cause any rift between them.  

He’s scared.  Scared that Louis is going to change his mind about getting back together.  Scared that they’ll have to spend months and months apart again and their relationship will suffer again.  He doesn’t want that to happen, and he knows he’ll do whatever it takes to prevent it.  But what if Louis feels different?  Harry doesn’t think his heart could take it if Louis changes his mind about them.

He arrives at the flat and lays on his bed, facing the ceiling, thinking.  About everything.

His thoughts are interrupted about an hour later from his phone with a text notification.

 

**_Louis: How’s dinner with Ed going?_ **

 

Harry’s lips tremble and he fights back tears because he just loves Louis so fucking much.  He wants to fight for them, he wants to do whatever it takes to make it work.  He’s determined to do it.  He isn’t giving up the moment something difficult comes along.  This is his chance to prove it.

 

**_Harry: It went well, sorry came to the flat, wasn’t feeling too well._ **

**_Louis: Aww baby, want me to come over and take care of you?_ **

**_Harry: Yes please_ **

**_Louis: Be there in a few._ **

 

Harry tosses his phone to the side on the bed and closes his eyes, waiting for Louis to come home.

 

*

 

When Harry answers the door he looks sad, worn down.  Louis greets him, kissing him on the lips and they go to Harry’s room to cuddle.  Harry is quiet, almost too quiet, and at first Louis doesn’t say anything, just continues to hold him, to run his fingers up and down his arms, his hair, his back.  Louis can feel tension building in the room, and it’s making him feel uneasy, so he decides to break the silence.

“Harry, what’s wrong?”

They’re both lying on Harry’s bed, facing each other, Louis’ got his arm around Harry’s waist.  When Louis asks him that, he can feel Harry tensing right under his fingers.  He doesn’t like it one bit.

After a few more moments, Harry finally lets out a breath and closes his eyes, “Ed wants me to be the opening act for his world tour.”  He sounds resigned instead of excited like he should be and it’s confusing the hell out of Louis.

“Haz, that’s amazing!  Oh my god!”  Louis shakes Harry in his own excitement, being so proud of his boy.  He always knew that Harry was talented, and it was about time people started to notice it.  But Harry still isn’t smiling, instead, he looks like he’s about to cry.  “Baby, why aren’t you excited about this?”

Harry finally looks into Louis’ eyes, they look as green as the forest, so beautiful, but so sad.  “Because…” Harry’s voice is shaky, on the verge of tears, and Louis runs his hand up and down his back to soothe him, to let him say what he’s trying to say.  Harry takes another deep breath, “Because I’m scared.  It’s a world tour, Louis.  It means I’ll be gone, probably for weeks or months at a time, and I can’t...I just can’t lose you again, I won’t.”

And okay.  Louis is starting to understand why Harry is so upset.  “Oh baby,”  Louis breathes out and he leans into his boyfriend, holding him tighter against his body, kissing him anywhere and everywhere he can reach.  “You don’t need to worry about that.  We talked about this.  We’re not going to let anything get in the way, remember?  I can’t have you worried every time a great opportunity like this comes your way.  This is your dream.  This is what you’ve been working so hard for.  I’m going to be with you every step of the way.  I promise.”

Harry’s gaze is unwavering, and his tears trail slowly down his cheeks, and Louis wipes each and every one away.  “Thank you.”

They kiss, slow at first, but then Louis deepens it, wanting to convey how much he’s all in.  How much he loves Harry and how much he’s going to support him for the rest of his life.

“Now can you please be happy about this?  You’re going to open for Ed freaking Sheeran!  Harry, oh my god!”  Louis screams and he’s smiling so big his cheeks hurt.  Harry laughs and his grin grows so much all of his teeth are showing.

“I’m gonna open for Ed Sheeran!  Fuck!”

They both get up and start jumping on the bed in excitement, holding each other’s hands so that they don’t fall off with all the bouncing.  Not to mention Harry’s got the worst sense of balance in the world.  After they get tired and are catching their breath they decide to go to the pub to tell the lads and celebrate.

They toast, they cheer, everyone and their mother congratulates Harry.  Harry calls Ed to let him know he’s in. They have one of the best nights they’ve had in a long while.  There’s no Jake, no Brad, just the lads together and happy.  Louis wouldn’t trade this moment for the world.

 


	7. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

 

The lights are bright and the crowd is loud and Harry wouldn’t change this experience for the entire world.  It’s the last day of tour, wrapping up in Paris, one of the most romantic cities in the world.

The past year has been life altering.

Harry has gotten to travel the world.  Getting to see beautiful cities like Barcelona, Tokyo, New York, Sydney, it’s all been incredible, more than Harry could have ever asked for.  It’s been hectic, and tiring, but so so rewarding.  He’s now got a record deal with the same label that signed Ed.  He’s getting ready to launch his own debut in just a couple of months, and he couldn’t be more excited.

“Thank you so much, Paris!  Or should I say, merci beaucoup!”  The audience roars and it brings a smile to Harry’s face.  His peripheral vision catches sight of Louis and he can’t help but take a quick glance his way and winks at him.  

Louis has been beyond supportive during this tour.  He’s travelled with Harry when his schedule allows it, and now that he’s on summer hols he’s been with him for the past few weeks.  They’ve grown so much, it’s like they didn’t pick up where they had left off, instead it felt more like a new beginning.  Starting over and leaving all the hurt and pain behind, and looking forward to what lies ahead.  It’s been amazing, and Harry has never loved anyone more than he loves Louis Tomlinson.

“I’m going to sing something I’ve never performed before tonight.  But before I do, I’d like to ask someone very special to me to come up here and sit next to me.”  Harry pulls out the extra stool he’d asked for before the show, making sure he’ll be able to face Louis when he performs.  “Louis, love, can you come over here, please?”

Louis looks at him confused, as the crowd cheers.  His cheeks are pink and Harry knows he’s probably embarrassed, but he hopes Louis cooperates with him.  Louis walks over slowly, unsure of what Harry’s got planned.  He sits on the stool, as the crowd continues to clap.

“Alright, my love.  I’m gonna sing you a song.  It’s not one of my songs, it’s a cover, but I’m hoping you’ll love it anyway,” Harry tells him and the rest of the people watching them.

He begins the simple chord progression, and the audience goes still and quiet.  Just him and the guitar, and Louis’ gaze on him.  Harry knows that Louis doesn’t know [ this song ](https://open.spotify.com/track/0VZ9xPNa6ROafP6GYYuv2S), at least he hopes he doesn’t so that his plan won’t get ruined.

 

_Forever can never be long enough for me_

_Feel like I've had long enough with you_

_Forget the world now we won't let them see_

_But there's one thing left to do_

 

Harry’s looking right into Louis’ eyes as he sings the song, he looks so beautiful with the lights shining on him, making him glow like the sun.

 

_Now that the weight has lifted_

_Love has surely shifted my way_

_Marry me_

_Today and every day_

_Marry me_

_If I ever get the nerve to say_

_Hello in this cafe_

_Say you will_

_Mm-hmm_

_Say you will_

_Mm-hmm_

 

As he sings the chorus, his heart begins to accelerate, he notices the moment the words process in Louis’ brain.  His eyes go wide, and his lips part open.  When he sings the second verse, he pushes through, even when he sees tears rolling down Louis’ cheeks.  Even as his own lip trembles with emotion at the amount of love he has for this man.  By the time he gets to the final chorus, the crowd is singing along with him, finally catching on.  The crowd is full of flashes of light from either lighters or mobile phones being raised in the air.  Making it look like he and Louis are outside, with Harry serenading him under the twinkling stars.

When the song ends, Louis seems to be frozen in place.  Harry places his guitar on the stand, pulls out a velvet box and gets down on his knee.  He opens the box to show Louis the white gold band with a small, round emerald that he knew was the perfect ring for him.

“Louis.  I love you with all my heart.  You’re my best friend, the person I want to wake up next to every day for the rest of my life.  My life would be shit without you, and I just want you to do me the honor of being my husband.  Will you marry me?”

Louis stands up and grabs Harry’s face, “Of course I will, I love you so much,” he breathes as they kiss, and the crowd cheers loudly as Harry places the ring on Louis’ finger.

Harry stands up to kiss Louis more properly and they hug.  He can’t wait for what the future holds for them, he knows he’s got the best person in the world on his side.  Always and forever.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Feel free to leave kudos and comments or come say hi to me on [tumblr ](https://dimpled-halo.tumblr.com/):)
> 
> If you liked this fic please reblog [this ](https://dimpled-halo.tumblr.com/post/160524717524/) fic post.
> 
> Want me to write you your own fic? [Click here](https://comebackassholes.tumblr.com/post/173646347378/fics-and-betaing-for-charity). for more information!


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